


■:■••: " - 



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.•V.. • ■ : 
MS £1 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 



ODDD^BbDBO 




Glass. 
Book. 



.Jociety.' 








y 



FROST'S 

;ws and By-Laws 

OF AMERICAN SOCIETY. 

A CONDENSED BUT THOROUGH TREATISE ON ( 

ETIQUETTE AND ITS USAGES IN AMERICA 

CONTAINING PLAIN AND RELIABLE DIRECTIONS FOR 

5P0RTMENT IN EVERY SITUATION IN LIFE, 

ON THE FOLLOWING SUBJECTS : 



.etters of Introduction, 
Sahdes and Salutations, 
Calls, 

Conversation, 
Invitations, 
Dinner Company, 
Balls, I 

Morning- and Evening Parties, 
I ' is i ting, 
Street Etiquette, 
Ridi;:g and Drlvi?!^ 
Travelling, 



Etiquette in Church, 

Etiquette for Places of A museinent, 

Servants, 

Hotel Etiquette, 

Etiquette at Weddings, 

Baptisms and Funerals, 

Etiquette with Children and at I A 

Card Table, 
Visiting Cards, 
Eetter- Writing, 
Tin Lady's Toilet, 
The Gentleman 's Toilet, 



BESIDES ONE HUNDRED UNCLASSIFIED LAWS 

APPLICABLE TO ALL OCCASIONS. 

Br S. A. FROST. 

AUTHOR OF " FROST'S LETTER-WRITER," ETC. 



NEW YORK: 

DICK & FITZGERALD, PUBLISHERS. 







Entwed aooordi] 

D 1 C K & FITZG E KALI). 

In the Clerk's Office of the District Court of the United 
hern Distrii 



G^tJ^iJL. 






PREFACE. 



For a long time the little book which we now offer to the public 
has been wanted in the library of the fashionable world; the 
customs, the etiquette, the different obligations which society im- 
poses upon those who live in its midst, change frequently, and 
although the general principles are the same, although politeness 
and civility are of all epoques and times, nevertheless there are 
few persons so entirely at home in all the forms that they do not 
on some occasion feel hesitation as to the proper manner of con- 
ducting themselves. 

Indeed, besides the broader and more essential rules of polite- 
ness, there are certain conventionalities adopted by good society, 
which, sanctioned by custom and absolute obligation, cannot, with- 
out some good reason, be neglected by the truly polite gentleman 
or lady. Every day the question is raised whether such and 
such a custom is adopted, received, and proper : there will con- 
stantly arise a doubt about the details of some ceremony, the 
proper hour for some entertainment, the true etiquette for some 
occasion. At such a time, there is a regret felt that there is not 
at hand, in one's own library, a safe guide, an experienced coun- 
sellor, who will answer such questions, so trifling in appearance, 
so important in reality. ( 

A breach of etiquette, an involuntarily omission of some point 
of politeness, may often have a serious influence upon the future 
of the perpetrator. None of these little details are to be scorned ; 
they have each and every one a value. 




\ PMMFAi 

nit already m< 

• laim to originality ; but 

,i ho I 
I nothing admitted that 

ety . 
Books, it ih very true ha- 

f*>r the in died with usol 

ontain what is of most import 
Editor of ent work to avoid botl 

ly what was useful, reliable, p»id well i 
reject only what was valueless or mere repetition. 
The subjects treated are all classed that th 

and admit of consultation at a moment 
The little book goes forth with one pretension only, one ambi- 
tion alone— to be useful. 



/ 



CONTENTS. 



PAGE. 

Etiquette and Its Uses 7 

Introductions > 17 

Letters of Introduction 21 

Salutes and Salutations .25 

Calls 30 

Conversation 38 

Invitations 49 

Dinner Company 54 

Balls G7 

Morning and Evening Parties 73 

Visiting 81 

Street Etiquette 88 

Hiding and Driving 94 

Travelling 99 

Etiquette in Church 103 

Etiquette for Places of Amusement 105 

Servants 108 

Hotel Etiquette 117 

"Wedding Etiquette 120 

Etiquette for Baptisms 128 

Etiquette for Funerals 131 

Etiquette of the Studio 130 

Table Etiquette ..138 

Etiquette with Children 143 

Games with Cards 145 

Visiting Cards 148 

Letter Writing 151 

The Lady's Toilet 157 

The Gentleman's Toilet 163 

Miscellaneous 166 

5 






\ 






THE 

AWS AND BY-LAWS 

OF AMERICAN" SOCIETY. 





ETIQUETTE AND ITS USES. 

There are a great many people, in other respects perfectly- 
estimable (which makes the complaint against them the more 
grievous) who maintain that the laws of nature are the only laws 
of binding force among the units which compose society. They 
do not assert their doctrine in so many words, but practically they 
avow it, and they are not slow to express their contempt for the 
" ridiculous etiquette " which is declared by their opponents to be 
essential to the well being of society. These people are probably 
a law to themselves in such matters ; they obey in their rules of 
conduct those instincts of propriety and good manners which 
were implanted in them at their birth, and cultivated probably by 
their education, and therefore they have small need to study 
especially how to conduct themselves in their intercourse with 
society. In such cases, their opposition to a written code of man- 
mers is rather an affair of theory than of practice, and it seems 
rather absurd that they should so emphatically denounce the system 
which they themselves, by example rather than precept, thoroughly 
carry out. They would be probably as averse to committing any 
act of rudeness, or any breach of politeness as the warmest admirer 
of the primitive life of the Indian would be to living himself in a 
dirty tent, and eating his food, half cooked, on a forked-stick over 
a camp fire. For such people this little code of the " Laws and 
By-Laws of American Society ■ ' is not written. 

There are others who are equally fierce in their denunciations of 







s 

the i above mentioned, hut who l 

natu 

the !:. 

i , lu« t on 
coml 

•' inconvei:;. 

nth." 

tli-' yj torn which i I heir own emir 

.'hid. ant] i 
proli 
able bul whjch otli casonahl) 

■. ill of con tlieir opii their 

denunciations will probably ; 

tin* one they Intend, their own conduct proving the perni 
fluence of their theory. Their abuse will be, not the ex] 

half in badinage, of minds protesting by antici] 
the abuse lorant im 

inded piM.pl.> against a principle that would tan 
mould them into a more agreeable presem 
loud] what they personally d 

ither to themselves For them thi 

ih" • i written. 

les the two 

!i by 
nature, yet from eiremnstai \ at ion which alone 

will bring the conduct into such training as will lit it \ 
for exhibition in society. To the persons i 

►urce of reirret, but of j rant 

les which niak 

. 
wlrdi guai .1 in the impertinent, 

fo mat; »n ol desirah] ■ 
which otl 

itruction, I 

' ion w itli the ]<• 
other can 'v«y^ intimacy with 



ETIQUETTE AND ITS USES. 9 

the cardinal rules of good behavior, which decorum and good 
breeding have dictated for the better guidance of the community. 
It is for such persons, and for the many others who, though not 
unacquainted with the principles which should guide them in their 
conduct, are yet often at fault upon questions of detail, and some- 
times commit errors, which are the more excusable that absolute 
rules, deduced from precedent and established by practice alone 
could set them right, that this code of Modern Etiquette has been 
prepared. To them it is offered as supplying a need which it is 
their misfortune, rather than their fault, to experience, in the hope 
that it will be found to contain a complete guide for them in the 
open paths and by-paths too of good society. 

Before beginning to lay down the rules and ordinances of Eti- 
quette, it will be well to say a few words upon Etiquette itself. 

Etiquette is, in point of fact, nothing more nor less than the 
law, written and unwritten, which regulates the society of civilized 
people, distinguishing them from the communities of barbarous 
tribes, whose lives are hard and their manners still harder. It is 
to a well disciplined and refined mind the fundamental principle 
of action in all intercourse with society, and they are interested in 
maintaining it in its integrity, and bound to heed and obey its 
simplest as well as more formal precepts.. The real law-giver is 
the general convenience, speaking with authority and the experi- 
ence of many years ; and it will be found that even in those 
cases, where the meaning of its rules may be somewhat obscure 
at first sight, there is an underlying reason for the regulation laid 
down. 

Etiquette, like every other human institution, is of course liable 
to abuse ; it may be transformed from a convienent and wholesome 
means of producing universal comfort into an in convienent and 
burdensome restraint upon freedom and ease. It may become the 
first consideration, instead of more properly the second, as is often 
the case with the instrumental accompaniment to a song, and then it 
becomes, as does the accompaniment, an intolerable nuisance. The 
mere form, over-riding and hiding the spirit which should control 
and guide it ; an entirely artificial state of things, taking the place 
of the natural, must inevitably produce discomfort and extravagance 
of behavior. Nature is thus made the slave of Art, instead of Art 
taking its proper place as the handmaid to Nature. 



Ill of m<.\ 
as a wrinkle w ill m.tr V.. 

have heard of I ' who 

bout to ji] 
■ him, when ho suddenly remomb 

traDquilly pro« pon hii pray. 

for 
takes the 
politeness, which being w<*ll acqu ual, 

. ely prominent. 
of etiquette makes them an 
nuisa 

Bml s of etiquette ainfc 

under injudicious management, it does not foll< ouW 

be d 1 <>r in any way Ret aside, i 

nst them, any more than gluttony is any n 
It is not the food that is in fault, but the 
person partaking of it. The fault mu I wholly ai 

at the door of those who I intcnti« ■: 

really Bound and excellent pr fan over- 

displ is really only .ate vulgarity, 

although there which may he drawn from th 

nt, from the history of p 
ant in their devotion to what they deem 

l!y 
• do." 

-amid the records 

nuch 

re annoui; 
lit to which attent;. ven to the 

ter: who lived in 



i 



ETIQUETTE JJYJ) ITS USES. H 

M 

the seventeenth century, in the diaries of minute detailers like the 
Duke de St. Simon, Page to His Most Christian Majesty, Louis 
the Fourteenth 5 like Sir John Finett, Master of Ceremonies to 
Charles the First, and in the domestic histories of the courtiers and 
grandees of the Spanish and Venetian courts. 

Fortunately, the time has gone by when nice questions about 
trifling points of etiquette served to light the flame of civil war, as 
once they did in France, and to set the whole of the upper class in 
a kingdom in arms. We owe this, perhaps, as much to the general 
increase of civilization as to the working of any particular set of 
rules or system. But the principle which actuated the French 
nobility, at the time alluded to, is an inherent one in the human 
mind, and would be likely to repeat itself in some shape or another, 
not so violently perhaps, but still to repeat itself, were it not kept in 
check by the known laws of society. 

Mr. Buckle tells us that as late as the reign of Louis the Four- 
teenth, the right to sit in the presence of the French king " was 
considered to be a matter of such gravity that in comparison with 
it a mere struggle for liberty faded into insignificance." There 
was a perpetual striving which should be accounted greatest. Ac- 
cording to the old code of etiquette, a duke's wife might sit in the 
French queen's presence, but no one under that rank could do so. 
A combination of marquises, counts, and other nobles was formed, 
and wrung from the hand of Louis the Fourteenth, this concession 
that the ladies of the house of Bouillon might sit in the presence 
of the queen. But this was fuel to the fire of the combined noble- 
men's anger ; two hostile parties were formed, and the question of 
etiquette was nearly being decided by the sword. It required all 
the tact and statesmanship of Mazarin to prevent this, and in the 
end the right was conceded to three of the most distinguished 
ladies of the lower aristocracy, to sit down in the presenceaof the 
queen. Upon this, the superior nobility summoned their adherents 
to Paris, and really a severe struggle followed, which ended in the 
last mentioned concession being revoked ; and so great was the 
importance attached to the revocation that nothing would satisfy 
the nobles short of the public withdrawal being drawn up in a 
state paper, signed by the queen's regent, countersigned by the 
four secretaries of state, and conveyed to the assembly of nobles 
bv four marshals of France. 









Tl ury i 

l)llk i M--.se. 1 l) 

sesse pity at all ; who should ; i'kiu 

vc tin' honor < I 
, whether ' 

being tin 
fcbov the two 

[uarrel which, i ended in 

of the Duke de Nemours. The equally grave qu 
duke should Bign before a marsh; ' lently disputed 

the Duke de Rohan and one of the ma 
and the king was obliged to interfere in the 

Tl ;r.se, are but so many in 

etiquette carried to an extravagant length, and simply p 
danger there is in allowing things of 1 
<>r take the pre< 
explain, and u 

thoroughly well-bi 

ely pro- 
uttered in anticipation of a repetition i surdity which 
eremonies is liable to iutroduc 
But such cases arc really no argument against et" 
will: to which it would h e in any- 
thing tok > freedom froi naturally im- 
inent, or in the full enj cial liberty which 
■<-t. 

muck 

1 with a 

them." 

lem 



ETIQUETTE AND ITS USES. 13 

again, and so diminisheth respect to himself ; especially they bo 
not to be omitted to strangers and formal natures ; but the dwell- 
ing upon them, and exalting them above the moon is not only 
tedious, but doth diminish the faith and credit of him that 
speaks." 

To quote again from Lord Chesterfield, who says : 

" Good sense and good nature suggest civility in general ; but in 
good breeding there are a thousand little delicacies which are 
established only by custom." 

It is precisely these " little delicacies " which constitute the dif- 
ference between politeness and etiquette. Politeness is that inborn 
regard for others which may dwell in the heart of the most ignor- 
ant boor, but etiquette is a code of outward laws which must be 
learned by the resident in good society, either from observation or 
the instruction of others. 

It is a poor argument used against etiquette that it is not truth- 
ful, and that uncouth manners are more frank and sincere than 
polished and refined ones. Is truth then a hedgehog, always 
bristling and offensive. Cannot truth be spoken in courteous ac- 
cents from a kind, gentle impulse, as well as blurted out rudely 
and giving pain and mortification 1 It is true that roughness and 
sincerity often abide together, but would it destroy the honesty to 
polish away the roughness 1 

Etiquette, it is sometimes urged, is used to cloak what is hollow, 
unmeaning and false, yet may it not also drape gracefully what is 
true, sincere and important 1 

True politeness must come from the heart, from an unselfish 
desire to please others and contribute to their happiness ; when 
upon this natural impulse is placed the polish of a complete and 
thorough knowledge of the laws of etiquette, the manners must be 
perfect and graceful. 

Etiquette added to natural politeness is as a beautiful jewel upon 
a tasteful dress. Ruskin thus defines a gentleman : 

" A gentleman's first character is that firmness of structure in the 
body which renders it capable of the most delicate sensation, mid 
of that structure in the mind which renders it capable of the most delicate 
sympathies — one may say simply fineness of nature. This is, of 
course, compatible with heroic bodily strength and mental firm- 
ness ; in fact, heroic strength is not conceivable without such 



1 \ ETIQUETTE AN3 I 

delicacy, rioj.liair Itawaythn 

no touch of the bouuhs, but the %\ 1 1 i 1 
Atrid <& in 

iron. I do nol 
tr animal ; but if you think about him carefully, 
you will find that his non-vul 

• ; not in 1 
in his civUDB) foot, but in the way he will 1 
In hi :i«l in hia i trunk, and still n 

honor 

• Hence it will follow, that one of the probable si 
Ing in men generally will be their kindness and mercifulm 
these always Indicating more or less firmness of make in 
mind." 

Undoubtedly the first law of good breeding is unselfishness, that 
thorough forgetfulness of one's own wants and i 

thought fulness for the happiness and ease of others, which ifl 
Christian gentleman's rule of life; which makes him yield the easy 
chair to another older and weaker than hims< »n a 

narrow bench, or perhaps stand up ; which the 

portions of the dishes upon the table, and uncomplain- 
ingly dines off what is left ; which hea miling interest the 
Well-WOIH anecdotes Of the veteran story-teller ; whi< 
the little child, who has fallen, and comforts the sobl and 
•:-; which never forgets to endeavor to please othei 

ed with all efforts made- un himself. PI 

the code of politeness beside that of vulgarity and see if the one 
not contain all virtue, the other vice. Is not good temper 
virtuous and polite, bad temper vicious and vulgar ? I- i 
denial virtuous and polite, selfishness viciou 
truth virtuous and polite, scandal vicious and vulgar? Take ei 
principle in the conventional code of the perfectly well-bred, ami 
it. and not a virtue is n: 
True etiquette, as we have 
founded upon the same basis. A 

maybe defined as the minor morality of 1 
rer minute, that tend to spare the feel 
classed under the bead of trivalitics ; and polite! 

name for , \s ill oil the 



ETIQUETTE AND ITS USES. 15 

creaking wheels of life more effectually than any of those unguents 
supplied by mere wealth or station." 

To be truly polite, one must be at once good, just and gener- 
ous, has been well said by a modern French writer. 

" True politeness is the outward visible sign of those inward 
spiritual graces called modesty, unselfishness, generosity. The 
manners of a gentleman are the index of his soul. His speech is 
innocent, because his life is pure ; his thoughts are direct, because 
his actions are upright ; his bearing is gentle, because his blood, 
and his impulses, and his training are gentle also, A true gentle- 
man is entirely free from every kind of pretence. He avoids 
homage, instead of exacting it. Mere ceremonies have no attrac- 
tions for him. He seeks not only to say civil things, but to do 
them. His hospitality, though hearty and sincere, will be strictly 
regulated by his means. His friends will he chosen for their good 
qualities and good manners ; his servants for their thoughtfulness 
and honesty ; his occupations for their usefulness, or their grace- 
fulness, or their elevating tendences, whether moral, or mental, or 
political. And so we come round again to our first maxims, i. c. } 
that ' good manners are the kindly fruit of a refined nature.' 

" And if this be true of mankind, how still more true is it of 
w r omankind ! Granted that truthfulness, gracefulness, considerate- 
ness, unselfishness, are essential to the breeding of a true gentle- 
man, how infinitely essential must they be to the breeding of a 
true lady ! That her tact should be even readier, her sympathies 
even tenderer, her instinct even finer than those of the man, seems 
only fit and natural. In her politeness, prevoyance, and all the minor 
observances of etiquette, are absolutely indispensable. She must 
be even more upon her guard than a man in all those niceties of 
speech, look and manner, which are the especial and indispensa- 
ble credentials of good breeding. Every little drawing-room cere- 
monial, all the laws of society, the whole etiquette of hospitality 
must be familiar to her. And even in these points, artificial though 
they be, her best guide after all, is that kindness of heart which 
gives honor where honor is due, and which is ever anxious to spare 
the feelings and prejudices of others. 

" Every mistress of a house, be it remembered, is a minor sover- 
eign, upon whose bounty the comfort, and happiness, and refine- 
ment of her little court depends. She must take especial care that 






doiin !y 

Ifb) lwa\ 

raagemenl 

. 

I with Impunity, 
efficient I 

plea way of this ini 

if that duty should ic, tlio ful 

; 

11 The very atm i f the hou 

wear a cheerful air, and iend- 

ly faces ; the rooms are tastefully fu 

d neatne around. The une: 

ly table and an unembarrassed \v< In Mich a 

Euidal find 

ich a Jiom 11 are 

lanent household go 
The most peri aide in 

all that pertains to the v lady is, 

.nistian rule — 
44 Do unto others as you would others should do unto ; 
..'!• fail in 
and that politeness will > ] arn and : 



• 




INTB, OD UCTIONS. \*J 



INTBODUCTIONS. 

Never introduce people to each other unless you are sure the 
acquaintance so commenced will be mutually agreeable. 

A person who, from youth, social position or any other cause, 
stands in the inferior position of the two persons to be introduced to 
each other, must be introduced to the superior. A gentleman is 
always to be introduced to a lady, never a lady to a gentleman. 

At a ball, it is the part of the host and hostess to make introduc- 
tions amongst the guests ; but guests may with perfect propriety 
introduce friends to each other. Gentlemen must never introduce 
friends to ladies, without first obtaining special permission to do 
so, and this permission should be always granted, unless there is a 
very strong reason for the refusal. The French, and in a great 
measure the English, dispense with introductions at a private ball. 
It is taken for granted that the hostess has invited to her ball only 
such people as are fit to be mutually acquainted, and the fact that 
they have been invited to meet each other is a sufficient warrant 
for self-introduction. This practice saves a great deal of trouble, 
but it applies only to balls in private houses. At any public ball, 
partners must be introduced to each other ; indeed it is better for 
ladies at such entertainments, to dance only with the gentlemen of 
their own party, or with whom they had a previous acquaintance. 
Special introductions may, however, be made with propriety by 
the master of ceremonies. 

When introducing two gentlemen, look first to the elder, or, if 
there is any difference in social standing, to the superior, and with 
a slight bow say to him: " Allow me to introduce my friend, Mr. 
Jones, to you ;" then turning to your friend, repeat his name, and 
follow it by that of the gentleman to whom he is introduced, thus : 
" Mr. Smith, allow me to introduce my friend, Mr. Jones, to you — 
Mr. Jones, Mr. Smith." In introducing a gentleman to a lady, 
bow slightly to the latter, saying, " Miss , allow me to intro- 
duce Mr. ; Mr. , (bowing to him) Miss ." 

When several persons are introduced to one. it is sufficient to 




18 

name the f tlio 

Otbei M and Mrs. 

. Johnson/' b ghtly 

r ben named. 

Shaking haii -rely 

optional, not : unmarried lai 

w bom ■ is all thai 

quires. In introducing yon; 

. a kindly act of en< . latter to 

y to introduce people v. ' >use 

ttg calls. though it may be done with propriety if the in- 
troduction has eviously a uutually pi 

ant. 

It is optional after such an introduction, tro- 

duced, to continue or drop the acquaintan< boat 

a formal introduction, the merely 

friend, (Joes not warrant any futui ition. It rots. how. 

after an introduction with the lady, if between lady ai 
with the married or elder lady, if between lady and lady, and with 
the elder, if between gentlemen, to continue or drop the acquaint- 
ance*. 

atlemen who meet at the house or rooms of a mutual fri< 
<»ne another if they 
where. The;, bidding their d 

both parties, but th tentofctiq hem 

to appear as ii they had even met before. 

A lady is not obliged to afterwards recognize a partner with 
whom she may have danced at a ball. It is entirely optional with 
her to do so or not; and if she has danced several times witli the 

. -men, it will be a question betw< 
how far she may consider h 

ce one who ha 1 to her so much courtesy at a ball. 

- not require even the slightest recogni- 

Wh< froduced to r 

toma he place from which they come I LDow 

me to introduce to yon my friend Mr. Schmidt, from Germany — 
Mr. Bchmidt, Mr. Popkii lug" a traveller, Allow 




JJVTIi OD UO Tl ONS. 1 9 



me to introduce my friend Mr. Robinson, lately returned from 
Egypt." A pleasant opening is thus offered for conversation, and 
a foreigner may have the pleasure of a salutation in his own 
language. 

An important duty in introducing friends is to pronounce the 
name of each party clearly and distinctly, that no error or necessity 
for repetition may occur. 

It is often a positive kindness to take advantage of the etiquette 
which dispenses with introductions at morning calls. Many a 
witty, talented person has had a stupid bore pursue him upon 
such an introduction, and even the one necessary conversation fol- 
lowing an introduction is a painful effort, owing to the entire un- 
congeniality of the parties introduced, 

A friend visiting at your house must be introduced to all callers, 
who are bound to continue the acquaintance as long as the friend 
is your guest. So, if when calling upon a friend, you are intro- 
duced to a visitor, you are bound to extend all courtesies and at- 
tentions which you would desire paid to your visitors in similar 
circumstances. 

Introductions, given at a party to a stranger visiting in a 
city, must be followed by recognition as long as the visit con- 
tinues. 

If, when walking with one friend, you should meet another, it is 
not necessary to introduce them ; indeed, you should not do so 
without special reason for it. Never, even after an introduction, 
start a long conversation, unless all continue the walk in the same 
direction. 

Should you, when walking with a friend, meet a lady who desires 
to speak to you, your friend must stop with you, yet an intro- 
duction under such circumstances does not exact any future 
recognition. 

Sisters, brothers or other relatives may always be introduced to 
friends when met casually. 

If friends meet at public places of amusement and are accom- 
panied by strangers, introductions are not required by etiquette, 
and if made do not oblige any future acquaintance. 

It is not necessary to have an introduction in order to pay your 
respects to the President of the United States, excepting that of 
the master of ceremonies at the receptions. He will receive your 



card and »> bo 

Intro r or a member of the II< Lepreeenta- 

1 1 1 \ introductions ter of 

ceremony than in this country. If you \\\>U I 
daction to the Emperor of France, you mu 
to the Grand Chai done pei 

ur statement th 
to the American Consul will procure you an i 
ality to the hour appointed for the interview 

••it themselves in full dre lemen in a 

white vest, gloves and neck-; 

The ion will be explained be 

In the English court, the ladies mu 1 by a la I 

gentlemen by a gentleman. Strangers must hav< 
the Consul before they can be introduced. 

If at a dinner, a ball, or upon any occasion you are introdu* 
nt a friend's bouse, t<> one with whom you • I terms, 

though it be your bitterest enemy, etiquette requires you to salute 
him <»r her courteously, and make no sii_ r n of resentment whilst 
under your friend's roof. 

If you are introduced as a peti in authority, 

that introduction does not authorize you in acquaint- 

! wards, 
ver introduce persons who may be related to you. without 
calling their full name. It is done very oft .veil- 

bred people, from thoughtfulness allow me to 

introduce my cousin Frank; Frank, Mrs. James.'' and poor 
James is left entirely ignorant of cousin Frank'sname. Tl 
way is to name the relationship and al .•name of the rela- 

If you introduce a brother marriage may have 

changed the name of one. You shoul allow 

me to introduce to you my s 

[f you are introduced to the relative of a frii re- 
quires you to consider that relative an acquaii I 
Bpecial reason to the • 



LETTERS OF INTRODUCTION. 21 

It is best to avoid introductions in a public conveyance, as few 
people like to have their names called out in such places. If such 
introductions are made, however, it should be done as quietly as 
possible. 

To introduce to a friend a person who is in any way objec- 
tionable, is an insult which fully justifies a withdrawal of friend- 



A gentleman should always raise his hat, if introduced in the 
street, to either lady or gentleman. 

If introducing a foreigner or a gentleman in this country, whose 
position gives him an honorary title, always give the title. Thus, 
if a member of Congress, meeting a German baron at your house, 
you introduce them, you say : " Mr. Somers, allow me to intro- 
duce to you my friend, the Baron von Schmidt ; Baron von 
Schmidt, the Honorable Mr. Somers." 



LETTEES OF INTBODTJCTION. 

Letters of introduction should never be given, except to per- 
sons well known to the person introducing them, and addressed to 
those only who have a long-standing friendship for the writer. 
Amongst persons but slightly acquainted, such letters are not only 
foolish but positively dangerous, as you may thus give your coun- 
tenance to those who will take advantage of your carelessness to 
bring you into mortifying, if not disgraceful positions. 

Even amongst friends of long standing they should be given very 
cautiously and sparingly, as it is a great responsibility to send to 
your friend a visitor who may prove disagreeable, and you have 
no right whatever to call upon comparative strangers to extend 
hospitality or courtesy to your friends. 

Letters of introduction should always be as short and concise as 



Ible. If you wish 
about 

The utmost tiportance in the I luc- 

i in the pi 
and the pause mu I ly be awkward. You may in a 1 

<.f Introduction use a fe 

your friend, but praise of any kind is in as bad I 
•nal introduction. 
This role, however, does not apply ap- 

plicant! for favor, office or position, which 

:ly under the head of letters of recommendation than me 
letters of introduction. 

Letters of introduction must be left unsealed inv 
should be folded and addressed like any i 

gross breach of etiquette to prevent the bearer : what 

you may have said of him to your friend. It is optional with tho 
bearer to seal such letters before delivery, but it is cust 
leave them open. 

A letter of introduction should not, unless eircuin 
it absolutely unavoidable, be delivered in person. It should be 
sent, with the card of the person introduced, to the person to whom 
it is addressed, by a servant. The pei uld then 

call at once or send a written invitation to his house, and the pei 
introduced may then call in person. If. however, the stay in the 
is very short, these formal and tho 

on introduced call in person, sendi I card by 

a servant. 

Business letters of introduction should mention the errand and 
business of the party introduced, and if your 

lention by whom your \v< If introdi. 

Letters introducing professional artisl >ntain a few m 

expressive of the pleasure conferred by the talent or skill * : 
»n introduced. 
Letters of introductii 

i, and never unless the claims 
Qg. 

Th ibfng the exact amount 

attention required to be shown to the hearer of a I . Pro- 

duct ion by the pera 

■fe. 



LETTERS OF INTRODUCTION. 23 

A thousand circumstances of time, place, position, leisure and 
disposition of the parties must control this, but as a rule, the most 
generous hospitality and courtesy it is possible to give, should be 
extended to your friend's friend. It is a compliment to both the 
bearer and the writer of the letter. La Fontaine says : " A letter 
of introduction is a draft at sight, and you must cash it." It might 
be added, " You must cash it in full, never allowing the courtesy 
exchange to be against the presenter of the draft." 

Letters of introduction should bear upon the envelope the name 
and address of the party introduced, written in the left hand cor- 
ner — thus : 



No. 714 Street, 

Philadelphia. 

Introducing L. F. To-wnsend, Esq., of Troy. 



Letters of introduction to and from business men, for business 
purposes, may be delivered by the bearers in person, and etiquette 
does not require the receiver to entertain the person introduced as 
the private friend of the writer. Good nature and native courtesy 
would suggest some attentions, which could be increased accord- 
ing to the pleasure conferred or received, but it is entirely op- 
tional. 

Letters of introduction are very useful to travellers, or those 
about to change their place of residence ; care, however, should be 
especially taken in the latter case to present persons to each other 
only, who will prove mutually agreeable, as it is surely no friendly 
act to force upon your friends a life-long acquaintance, perhaps 
with uncongenial persons. 

A form is given for an ordinary letter of introduction, to be va- 
ried according to circumstances, always bearing in mind that brev- 
ity is essential, long acquaintance necessary, and some claim on 



24 !1 

both parties imi)Oi tanl bef< i n to 

yom .ees. 

ISGO. 

•• /' u\>- 1<> int. who 

. may be a: 
him, -ciatcd as a 

" VuUl> . 

•' JAMBI g., 

"Ho, IM 

i ik.'' 

In receiving such a letter, bear in mind tl d is 

really a compliment to the writer of tin nd sucli hospitality 

and coori 

own friends at some future time. If you are i:i i 

you should follow your first call by an invitation to dim 

: friends in the evening, and if th 
tin' city, select such friends to meet him or her, as will pro 
al»le and valuable acquaintances. If your areabacb aid- 

ing and cannot extend the hoi of a home, ofTer your 

servi. ude to points of interest in t: 

amusement, in short, extend am 
will warrant. 
It is contrary to etiquette for th r of inlro 

equently the h 
introduced. The fact that Mr. Smith is your OJ 
and has been cordial in his invitation your 

home lot justify you in pull 

-bell, or presenting yourself at u 
Smith's drawing-room. 

la ' abroa 1 it is in s of 

their 
a find youi .^er in a s 




SALUTES AND SALUTATIONS. 25 



SALUTES AND SALUTATIONS. 

In this country men do not embrace each other, nor do they ex- 
change kisses, while, unless amongst intimate friends, even the fair 
sex now dispense with demonstrative salutations. In many Euro- 
pean countries kisses are exchanged, even between gentlemen, and 
an embrace is quite in accordance with even a somewhat formal 
salutation. In America, however, these demonstrations are mostly 
confined to gushing misses and school-girls. 

Men in this country acknowledge an introduction by extending 
the right hand in greeting — the whole hand — for it is positively 
insulting to offer two fingers, as some under -bred snobs will some- 
times do, and it is almost as bad to extend the left hand, unless two 
persons are introduced at the same time, or the right hand is use- 
lass or occupied ; in any such case apologize for the hand ex- 
tended. The right hand is the sword hand, and its extension to a 
friend is emblematic as a proof of peace, and as a safeguard against 
treachery. 

In offering the hand to a friend in the house, always remove the 
glove, and grasp the hand given in return firmly for a moment. In 
the street, however, the glove may be retained, if it would cause 
an awkward pause to remove it ; but always in such a case apolo- 
gize for the covered hand. 

In shaking hands, do not try to wring them off the wrists, nor 
press them as in a vise, nor pull them as though they were bell- 
handles, nor fling the two together with violence, so as to cause a 
report. Let the palms grasp each other firmly, but without any 
display of energy, and shake the hand moderately for a moment, 
then release it. Mr. Pecksniff was wont to clasp his left hand 
over his " dear friend's " right hand, resting in his own right. This 
practice may be very effective, from a scenic point of view, but it is 
not countenanced by any rule of etiquette. 

A lady must first recognize a gentleman by bowing before he is 
at liberty to salute her. She is the sole judge of the propriety of 
recognizing him at all, and etiquette requires the strictest defer- 









Shoul-i e Mm. he 

i3 e bis bal :i I ; v. ith the hand fu: l 

,i her, and return her salututiou with a of the 

He ma) Dot obtrude himself upon her notice even If he 
thinki she hai not i aim. 

Llad; should never stop Id the street to salute a gentleman 

her in bu 
When a la >!;■ ■ she 

should 1 ly. and the gentleman must at once take his 

I 

If a lad] - her walk without any pause in the conversa- 

tion, a g then at liberty to join her in h 

ena I 

Married ladies are allowed more freedom in such than 

unmarried ones. It is against all established laws of etiquette 
young unmarried ladies to do moi 

the fact of relationship allows some violation of strict 
etiqu 

Unl 1, or upon ten imato friei 

tl man. a lady should never salut :ly formal 

bow. A nod is vulgar, even when 

In her own house, however, a 1 hand in 

sain* t who ere- .reshold. 

Froissart, that charmingly quaint w U of the dame of 

;t days thus : 
• When Sir Walter Manny and his men returned from a sua 
ful sortie out of Henneboune, the chroi 

lontfort came down from the castle to meet them, and with a 
rtul conntena y and all hi 

c< mpanions, one after the other, 12k dame. 1 

ould hardly Bpeak in p .y in 

the current year. 

•■■'Inn in his left hand, r 
with the body forward. 



SALUTES AND SALUTATIONS. 27 

may not, however, join a lady riding, unless she is escorted only 
by a groom, and then he must first request permission to do so. 

Never will a gentleman so far imitate a vulgar clown as to smack 
a friend on the back, poke him in the ribs, or by clapping his hand 
upon his shoulder. It is equally bad taste to use a familiar shout, 
or " Hullo, old boy !" or any other "Hail fellow, well met " phrase 
of salutation. 

If a gentleman salutes another by mistake, even if he has given 
him an unceremonious slap or poke, it is etiquette to treat the 
offender with the utmost courtesy. He will probably be sufficiently 
embarrassed, when he discovers his error, without having any 
blunt speech made to add to his discomfiture. 

If a gentleman meet a gentleman, he may salute him by touch- 
ing his hat without removing it, but if a lady be with either gentle- 
man both hats must be lifted in salutation. 

If a gentleman stops to speak to a lady, in the street, he must 
hold his hat in his hand during the interview, unless she requests 
him to replace it. With a gentleman friend etiquette does not re- 
quire this formality. 

A gentleman may bow to a lady seated at a window, if he is 
passing on the street, but he must not bow from a window to a 
lady on the street. 

A gentleman may never offer to shake hands with a lady, but he 
must accept such an offer on her part, taking her hand lightly but 
firmly in his ungloved right one, and delicately shaking it for a 
moment. A pressure is an insult in such a case. 

In entering a church a gentleman must remove his hat as soon 
as his foot crosses the threshold of the sacred edifice. Travellers 
will often omit this salutation in visiting churches abroad, whose 
faith differs from their own. There is no more certain sign of ill- 
breeding as well as irreverence. 

A gentleman may always bow to a lady he may meet on a stair- 
way, even if not acquainted. If at the foot of the stairs, he must 
bow, pass her and ascend before her. If at the head of the stairs, 
he must bow, and wait for her to precede him in the descent. 

If two friends are walking together and meet a friend of one, a 
bow is all the salutation etiquette demands ; if, however, one of 
the two stops to speak to the third, he owes the friend he accom- 
panies an apology for the delay thus occasioned. 



28 SAl 

t, cane aiul 

..lutaiion. 

It* i _•:;;. man, walking with lady with whom 

: he mu I >ugh the lady may 

bow must be 'rmal, 

ely, in fact, a compl «pect 

the lady. 

A gentleman mu a return a tho 

•t, even if h<* fails to re< who mail 

ma; to whom 1. • cod, but w 

■ 
courteous return of the salut mbarrass- 

: of the mistaken party. 

In meeting a party of friends wit! i are 

intimately acquainted, and with >r to 

make your salutations as equal as possible. A formal bo 
and a gushing demonstration of delight over another is a 
etiquette. Be courteous and cordial to all. 

It' a foreigner salute you after the fashion of 
do not draw back or allow yourself t > smile, bu put him 

at his ease by taking no notice of the " national sal.. 

Kissing in public, even between intimate lady i \ a vulgar 

parade of affection, that a truly refined ; 

It is an insult to return a cord!; I f tho hand sarty 

by a cold bow or a flabby < 
hand. Even if you do not approve of the familiar geeting 
aid return it with some show of cordiality. 

The Countess de , speaking of salu 

'• It would seem that good manners 
expression of submission from the we; In a 

rude wor- 

ship. Hence the commonest acts, pi 
with which we are now fan 
when the strong band ruled, and the inferior I his 

Madam.' 

tther. The title oi 

ancient feudal families i 



SAL UTES AND SAL UTA TIOJSTS. 29 

ed rather to be styled by the name of Sire than Baron, as Le Sire 
de Montmorenci and the like.' 

"Madam or Madame, corrupted by servants into 'Ma'am,' and 
[by Mrs. Gamp and her tribe into ' Mum,' is in substance equivalent 
to ' Your exalted,' or ' Your Highness.' Ma Dame originally mean- 
ing high-born or stately, and being applied only to ladies of the 
highest rank. 

" To turn to our every-day forms of salutation. We take off our 
hats on visiting an acquaintance. We bow on being introduced to 
strangers. We rise when visitors enter our drawing-room. We 
wave our hand to our friends as he passes the window, or drives 
away from our door. The Oriental, in like manner, leaves his 
shoes on the threshold when he pays a visit. The natives of the 
Tonga Islands kiss the soles of a chieftain's feet. The Siberian 
peasant grovels in the dust before a Russian noble. Each of these 
acts has a primary, a historical significance. The very word ' salu- 
tion ' in the first place, derived as it is from * salutatio,' the daily 
homage paid by a Roman client to his patron, suggests in itself a 
history of manners. 

" To bare the head was originally an act of submission to gods 
and rulers. A bow is a modified protestation. A lady's courtesy 
is a modified genuflexion. Rising and standing are acts of hom- 
age ; and when we wave our hand to the friend on the opposite 
side of the street, we are unconsciously imitating the Romans 
who, as Selden tells us, used to stand ' somewhat off before the 
images of their gods, solemnly moving the right hand to the lips 
and casting it, as if they had cast kisses.' 

" Again, men remove the glove when they shake hands with a 
lady— a custom evidently of feudal origin. The knight removed 
his iron gauntlet, the pressure of which would have been all too 
harsh for the palm of a fair chatelaine, and the custom which began 
in necessity has travelled down to us as a point of etiquette." 

General salutations of a mixed company are not now in vogue in 
the best society, where etiquette requires that we recognize only 
our own friends and acquaintances. 

In meeting at a friend's house where you are visiting a circle 
who are all entire strangers to you, remember that as mutual friends 
of the host and hostess you are bound whilst under the same roof to 
consider yourselves as acquaintances. No spirit of exclusiveness is 



no rj; 

■n :• 

witl: or clingiii 



CAJ 



WffBB ladies have according to tin* French cu 
morning ening in the w 

too of etiquette to call al [git in 

the city or business that will not uses. 

MHir in the evening i the 

morning are the 

When i:. 
in the morning, but with friends of 1< i 
Lb not only 

Morning call J made 1; 

the occasions follow i 

In answer to a letter of introduction pent to him turn 

the call if the letter is personally presented. 
In return for any hospitality offered to him 

city, if the entertainer vi 
In return for any favor received or c 
another gentleman. 

In return for an invitation I 
invitation has been d, and this 

v\ ithin the week following that during which 
given. 
On any occasion when a nri^f < sions of 

"atulation in the cir 
^root the safe return of any 1, or 

away from home for any lcnuth of t r me. 

Uowing any occasion when a lady has acce- 
an escort, a gentleman must call to inquire after the health of his 
fair charge, and mm than the day after t 

!i he has o SOO Ttod the lady. 

at the time for the rece] 






$*? 



CALLS. 31 



When visiting in another city, upon any friends there, or upon 
those to whom letters of introduction have been given. 

In asking or granting a favor, a call is demanded by etiquette. 

The visit or call is a much better institution than the vulgar 
suppose. It is not without its objections, consuming valuable 
time, and giving occasion for gossip and small talk, but it is the 
most agreeable and customary way of turning a mere acquaint- 
ance into a friend. In a friendly call much of the restraint of 
meeting in large assemblies is thrown aside, mind meets mind 
much more easily in an easy tete a tete conversation, and the con- 
versation may be allowed to partake somewhat more of a personal 
character than it could in the ball-room or evening party. 

Eirst calls require prompt return, even if you drop the acquaint- 
ance before the second one. 

Morning calls must never be earlier than noon, evening ones 
never later than nine o'clock. 

When calling, if the room seems crowded, do not prolong your 
visit. 

A gentleman may never call with a friend upon a lady, unless 
the friend is previously acquainted, or he has obtained permission 
of the lady to introduce him. 

In making a formal call, a gentleman must retain his hat in his 
hand. An umbrella or cane may be left in the hall, never the 
hat or gloves. If the call is made in the evening, the hat and 
gloves must be held until the host or hostess gives an invitation to 
lay them aside and spend the evening. Strict etiquette requires 
that such an invitation shall not be given, or if given, not accepted 
on the occasion of a first call. 

In making an informal call in the evening, a gentleman may 
leave hat, gloves, cane and overcoat in the hall. 

No gentleman will prolong a call if he finds his host or hostess 
dressed to go out. A brief visit with a promise to repeat it will place 
his entertainers at ease, and even if they urge a longer stay, the 
very fact that they were preparing to go out, proves their desire 
to do so. 

A card used in calling must never have anything upon it, but the 
name and address of the caller. Nothing can show a greater ignor- 
ance of the customs of society than to use a business card for a 
friendly call. A physician may put the prefix Dr. or the profes- 



il M.P.. Q] an Army < rank 

a civilian's card m 

J AM J I La w 1 

117 L 

A phj 

De. JlBOMI II \ I E 8 , 

T ES 

I <> M I II A V I. S , M . I > . 

\:my offlo 

D t . James B i h n e tt , 

a a. 

An Naval officer's : 

L i b t . II ■ s ■ y K b v a B n , 

l\ B 

In receiving a gentleman caller, a gentleman u at the 

door, takes hia hat and cane, and places a chair for him, hut a lady 

not leave her seat to n _ 'ntleman, slightly i 

bow, and resuming her place again when L I ; in 

I another lady, a lady should rise and advance to meet 

hor, also rise and accompany her to the less 

other callers, in which ca ' to leave 

place, only standing to bid her caller farewell. 

glish authority for eall- 

sions of congratulation or 
*• A i and coi gratulation le about 

fter the event. If you are intimate with the ipon 

II, you may ask, in for admission; if 

■ only a card, and make your -kind inqui- 
servant, who is generally primed in what mannc 
r them. In \ y -u should always go in, 

and l>e hearty in your congratulations. ^ i are 

le inflictions t«» 1 

by. 
■ 

t hor husband, was 



CALLS. S3 

receiving such a visit in her best crape. She wept profusely for 
sometime upon the best broad hemmed cambric handkerchiefs, 
and then turning to her visitor said : ' I am sure that you will be 
glad to hear that Mr. B. has left me most comfortably provided 
for. 1 Hinc tiled lachrymm. Perhaps they would have been more 
sincere if he had left her without a penny. At the same time, if you 
have not sympathy and heart enough to pump up a little condo- 
lence, you will do better to avoid it, but take care that your con- 
versation is not too gay. Whatever jo\x may feel you must respect 
the sorrows of others. 

" On marriage, cards are sent round to such people as you wish 
to keep among your acquaintances, and it is then their part to call 
first on the young couple, when within distance.'* 

A lady when calling keeps her parasol in her hand, and is not 
required to remove her glove. 

No dog, however " dear or interesting," can be admitted to the 
drawing-room, and it is bad taste to have one follow you from 
home, if you intend to make calls. 

It is better for a lady not to have a child with her when paying 
calls, unless it is trained to sit silent, or old enough to behave with 
quiet propriety. 

It is a sign of low-breeding to fidget with the hat, cane or parasol 
during a call. They are introduced merely as signs that the caller 
is in walking dress, and are not intended, the hat to be whirled 
round the top of the cane, the cane to be employed in tracing out 
the pattern of the carpet, or the parasol to be tapped on the teeth, 
or worse still, sucked. 

It is in bad taste for a caller to preface his or her departure by 
consulting a watch, remarking, " Now I must go," or insinuating 
that the hostess is weary of the visitor. Rise when ready to go, 
and express your pleasure at finding your friends at home, 
followed by a cordially expressed desire for a speedy meeting 
again. 

Pelham said he always withdrew when he said something that 
produced a sensation, because he knew he must leave such an im- 
pression as would make people wish to see him again. 

The lady of the house should always ring when visitors rise to 
go, that a servant may be ready to show them out. 

When other callers arrive, it is in bad taste to rise at once as if 



inlty 

fully. 

1 1' may 

• flfer to escort her to her carria ;e, otcd if a 

bow 
: 

'l'li'' : 1 subjects we adm 

in good I 

[fstran In the room when a c .tesy 

requires only a slight bow in passing. 
When calling, etiquette requires that a card be 
. that you have called, and if friends are at home, will pr« 

confusion from mispronunciation of your name 
:mt. 
When the lady of the house is not at hom \ a card m 
and if there arc two or more ladies, the turning down of « 
of the card signifies that the call was intended for all the lam ! 

If cards to bo left preparatory to leaving town, the 
p. p. e. (pour prendre conge* or, presents parting com] 
must be written in the left hand corner. If the departure 
linrried one, the card may be sent by a servant, but it La 
• to leave in it person* 
Cards sent during the illness of any member of the family to 
whom they are sent, must be accompanied by verbal ino 

ling the patient's health. The same rule appli i Bur- 

m when « indolence are sent. 

rds may be left or sent the day after a ball or large 
party. 

ter a dinner party or small social gathering, cards must be left 
within the following week. When unable to kecej i an 
to dinner, a call should soon aftei made to expre 

at the inability to be present. 

of condolence are made within a 

of the Immediate family, wh< 
fortnight maybe allowed t r, bo 

left immediately after the death is known. 

The first call of a stranger i turned within a week. 









■l 



CALLS. 35 

Married men are not obliged to make calls of ceremony in 
person. It is sufficient for their wives to leave their cards with 
their own. 

Residents in a place make the first call upon any new comers. 

If a lady does not wish to receive visitors, her servant must be 
instructed to reply "not at home." to callers. This is not meant 
to imply that she is out of the house ; merely that she is not home 
to callers. To say that she is " engaged " answers the same pur- 
pose, but such answers must be made upon the first inquiry, for if 
the visitor is announced, he or she may conclude the refusal is in- 
tended for that especial call. 

It is not necessary, nor is it customary in the city, to offer re- 
freshments to callers. In the country, especially if the visitors have 
come from a distance, it is not only courteous, but often a positive 
kindness to do so. 

If a stranger come to stay at the house of a friend, those who 
are in the habit of visiting at the house should call as soon as pos- 
sible, and such calls should be returned at the earliest practicable 
opportunity. 

A well-bred person should endeavor to be always prepared for 
callers. If it is impossible, during the day, to see your friends, in- 
struct your servant to deny them at the door, but if once within 
house, no personal inconvenience should prevent you from pre- 
senting yourself. Illness alone, either your own, or that of some 
one requiring your constant attention, can then excuse you. 

A lady should avoid keeping callers waiting. If they call before 
the hours etiquette has appointed, it is better to see them in the 
morning dress than to make them wait for a more elaborate toilet. 
If there is any fault, it is their own for intruding at improper hours. 

Persons who do not keep a carriage should not make visits of 
ceremony in wet weather. It is ill-bred to enter a drawing-room, 
with a handsome carpet upon it, in muddy boots and spattered 
garments, to stand a dripping umbrella beside you, or deposit 
over-shoes in the hall. 

Never resume your seat after having once left it to say adieu. 
There is nothing more awkward than to take leave twice. 

A lady who is receiving morning visits, may keep some trifling 
fancy-work in her hand, if she desires ; but drawing, music, writ- 
ing or any other absorbing occupation must at once be laid aside. 



CA1 J| 

In rece i ving many callers at i a well-bred lady must 

divide her at t equally '■ conver- 

any 
■<i;tl notice excepting any elderly : • 

[f, during a call any eoi It Your 

ty w hile . t ho dis- 

tance proclaims that, "Johnnie has fallen down tl r or 

the nursery curtail 
tain she will not resent your departure, even if you ! 
minutes Boated. 

If y«.ii find yourself intruding upon an early dinner not 

prolong your stay. 

A call may be made upon a friend to whom some . nine 

has come, as promotion in service or ether happ; veil if he 

lias not returned the last of your visits. 

It is a breach Of etiquette, during a call, to draw near to the fire 
to warm your hands and feet, unless you are invited by 

of the house to do s<». If you are alone in the drawim:-'- 
for a time, while your visit is announced, and then go to the fire, 
leave your seat and advance to meet the mi house as 

she enters, and then take the seat she points out to you. 

In visiting an invalid, never oiler to go to the i for 

an invitation to do so. 

A gentleman who is a confirmed invalid, may 
of a lady friend, but under no other circumstan< 

Calls made cither in person or by card, during an illness of 
your own, must be returned as soon as you are able oad 

again. 

It is a breach of etiquette to remove the gloves when makincr a 
formal call. 

It is a breach of etiquette to stare round a room when you are 
making a call. 

In paying visits of condolence, let your dress be subdued. 1 
offensive to put <>n your gayest attire to call upon a friend in 
affliction, and equally so to converse upon such subj 

i or similar amusements. Let the mourner decide v. • 
speak of the recent sorrow or not. 

A lady who allows remarks t<> be made upon a caller, who I 
just left the room, commits not only a breach of etiquette, be 



CALLS. 37 

positive rudeness and ill-natured act. It is quite easy to check 
any such disposition hy a grave reserve, and to turn the conversa- 
tion at once. 

Calls in the country may he less ceremonious, and of longer dura- 
tion than those in the city. 

It is an ostentation almost unkind for a lady to call upon a friend 
in reduced circumstances, with any parade of her own wealth in 
equipage or dress. 

No mistress of the house may ever leave the room when there 
are visitors in it. 

It is a breach of etiquette for a caller, who is waiting the 
entrance of the hostess, to open the piano, or to touch it if it is 
open. 

It is a breach of etiquette to walk round the room when waiting 
for your hostess, examining the furniture or pictures. 

It is a breach of etiquette for a caller to open or shut a door, 
raise or lower a window curtain, or in any way alter the arrange- 
ment of a room. 

Many consider a clock on a drawing-room mantel a breach of 
etiquette, as it seems to hint to visitors to keep early hours. 

It is a breach of etiquette to turn your chair so as to bring your 
back to any one seated near to you. 

It is a breach of etiquette when making a call, to play with any 
ornament in the room, finger the furniture., or seem indeed to be 
aware of anything but the company present. 

To prolong a call to the next meal time is a positive rudeness, as 
it forces your hostess^ to invite you to the table whether convenient 
and agreeable or not. 

In calling upon friends at a boarding-house or a hotel, always 
write their names above your own upon your card, that it may be 
certain to be delivered to the right person. 



I V10N. 



OONYEESATION. 

Trail are several principal rules of etiquette which mu 
rigidly observed id conversation, the non-ol of which will 

at once stamp the guilty party as ignorant of the i 

turns of polite society. 

Ungrammatical expressions arc unfortunately non oven 

amongst those who have not the excuse of ignorance, but who fall 

into the use of them merely from care! 

tattoo of others. ''Says she to inc." and other \ 

type, are also a gTOSS violation of good 

The personal pronouns should be used as little hen 

speaking of any one, either present or absent. The 
the lady or gentleman to whom reference is made should be 
peated if necessary, but under no circumstances should the words 
" >he" or "he," accompanied by a nod or jerk of the thumb, in 
the direction of the person spoken of, be employed. 
any one with whom you may have held intercom that 

party," or " a party " of your acquaintance. 

Avoid as utterly hateful the use of slang terms. There are sir 
words enough in the English language to express all the thoughts 
and ideas of the mind, and it is a sign of pure vulgarity to employ 
synonyms, the only remarkable part of which is that they del 
their existence solely from vulgar sources. In a gentleman such 
expressions are too suggestive of low company, and intercom 
with the worst associates, and in a lady su too 

offensive to be tolerated at all in good society. Slang ne\ 
mented conversation, but it invariably sullies and degrades it. 
Equally to be censured as a violation of etiquette, and more so in 
a moral point of view, is the use of profanity; it is asuremark,not 
only of low-breeding, but of a narrow. I it* not a positively 

as mind. Lamont a 

i - Whatever fortune may be made by perjury, T believe n. 
never was a man who made a fortune by common swearing, li i 
appears that men pay for swearing, but it seldom happens that 



% 



# 



6'CLV VERSA TION. 3 9 



they are paid for it. It is not easy to perceive what honor or 
credit is connected with it. Does any man receive promotion 
because he is a notable blusterer 1 Or is any man advanced to 
dignity because he is expert at profane swearing 1 Never. Low 
must be the character which such impertinence will exalt : high 
must be the character which such impertinence will not degrade. 
Inexcusable, therefore, must be the practice which has neither 
reason nor passion to support it. The drunkard has his cups ; the 
satirist his revenge ; the ambitious man his preferments ; the 
miser his gold ; but the common swearer has nothing ; he is a 
fool at large, sells his soul for naught, and drudges in the service 
of the devil gratis. Swearing is void of all plea, it is not the 
native offspring of the soul, nor Interwoven with the texture of 
the body, nor any how allied to our frame. For, as Tillotson ex- 
presses it, l Though some men pour out oaths as if they were 
natural, yet no man was ever born of a swearing constitution.' 
But it is a custom, a low and paltry custom, picked up by low and 
paltry spirits who have no sense of honor, no regard to decency, 
but are forced to substitute some rhapsody of nonsense to supply 
the vacancy of good sense. Hence the silliness of the practice can 
only be equalled by the silliness of those who adopt it." 

It is exceedingly rude, nothing in fact can be more so. to talk 
to any one person in the presence of others, in a language not un- 
derstood save by the two persons using it — unless you are address- 
ing a foreigner in his own tongue, and then others should be made 
aware of the subject discussed. Nothing can be in worse taste 
than to speak in an unknown tongue, to laugh and joke in a language 
which leaves the rest of the company in ignorance whether they 
themselves may not be the subjects of your remarks or mirth. 

Never hold your companion, in a conversation, by the button- 
hole. If you are obliged to detain him forcibly in order to say 
what you wish, you are pressing upon him what is disagreeable or 
unwelcome, and you commit a gross breach of etiquette in so 
doing. 

To speak to one person in a company in ambiguous terms, un- 
derstood by him alone, as " G , I saw Mr. H., to-day, and 

delivered your message," is as rude as if you went up to G 

and whispered in his ear. 

Do not interlard your conversation with scraps of foreign Ian- 



.|i) COA VERSA I . 

ii'mii of know li Ion, ami a 

orance in another; lor it would seem 
; M.u thai I ugh acquainted 

on !i i that which could 

iv;ill\ be told as well, perhaps better, by it thai 

lin expre which 

dome ticated in the English laj 

ally be employed, but only when they come in very aptly ; the con- 
stant or extended use of them is intolerable iy. 

Quotations are to be avoided as much as ; oade, 

they should be exceedingly short. Th< 

ater annoyance to a company than for one person to take up 
all the time and attention by reciting a poem, a 
from a hook, especially if it he the sp< ch or 

poem. Of course, if the company mutual 

enjoyment in elocution or recitation, this rule d 
is applicable only for general society. Short, pung . ram- 

matic quotations, if suitable to the subject of conversation, raaj 
occasionally introduced, but their use should be the exception, not 
the rule. 

Dr. Johnson says that in order to converse well, '• there must, 
in the first place, be knowledge — there must be materials ; in the 
second place, there must be a command of words ; in the third 
place, there must be imagination to place things in such 
they are not commonly seen in ; and in the fourth pla< mm t 

be a presence of mind, and a resolution thai 
by failure — this last is an essential requisite ; for want of itn. 
people do not excel in conversation." 

To be known as an inveterate teller i at injury 

to a man in society. A .short, brilliant anecdote, that is especially 
applicable to the conversation, known t<> be new and never prin 
is all that a well-bred man will e'*er pe -elf to inflict. 

Remarks having, and intended to have, a double meaning — ei 
puns — are utterly to be deprecated. I liberty to ap- 

peal to the private sympathies of a' 5 which 1 : 

ptions which a: 
property, available for the use of his ultimate friends, but not 
the general public. It seems almost needless t<> say that und< . 
circumstances whatever are any coarse allu ible 



CONVERSATION. 41 

Trite remarks are simply drags upon conversation, and may 
produce awkward effects. It is told of Charles Lamb, that he was 
one day at dinner at a friend's house, where amongst a number of 
literary men was a solitary individual who had been invited for no 
apparent reason. The poor man thought that, being in such com- 
pany, it behoved him to talk of some one or something literary. 
In an evil moment he said, without being conscious of the triteness 
of his remark: " Do you not think, sir, that Milton was a great 
genius V* Charles Lamb gazed at him curiously, rose, went to the 
sideboard and lighted a candle, with which he advanced, in solemn 
wise, to where the trite talker sat, and said as one who is about to 
look at some unusual object of interest — holding his candle near 
the poor man's head the while : "Will you allow me to examine 
this gentleman's pericranium V 1 Lamb was undoubtedly rude, but 
the other gave him enormous provocation. 

Political and religious topics are not in good taste in general 
conversation. It is almost impossible to avoid strong personal 
feeling when a difference of opinion arises, and such discussions 
almost invariably lead to more warmth of expression and violence 
of argument than are compatible with the requirements of polite 
conversation. 

To listen with interest and attention is as important in polite 
society as to converse well, and it is in the character of listener that 
the elegant refinement of a man accustomed to society will soonest 
prove itself. No matters how "flat, stale and unprofitable," the 
remarks of another may be, the well-bred man will listen with an 
appearance at least of interest, replying in such a manner as to 
show that he entirely " follows the thread of the discourse." 

Avoid as much as possible all egotism ; in conversation stick 
closely to Cardinal Wolsey's direction to " love thyself last." It is, 
to say the least of it, unseemly for a man to be constantly making 
himself the subject of conversation. At times it lays a man open 
to the attacks which his style certainly invites — as was the case 
with the egotist who dared to talk much of himself in the presence 
of Dr. Johnson, wiiom he had greatly irritated by his conceited 
talk. The doctor availed himself of an opportunity to crush 
him. 

" Oh, indeed, I did not know that !" exclaimed the man, upon 
some intelligent remark made by one of the company, whereupon 



■\1 

the '1 ke in will. >uld fill a 

I 

Tlr tably 

a talker of himself, that the ; int a speech which 

hip had delivered, sent word to 
• be had no m in his founts than would BuftV 

• ■•h." 
Th q and the method of hand >uld 

I not to offend cither directly or u 
Suitable buI fot time and place, fonn an important con- 

ation in polite tion. Gra tnd important con- 

sideration are not Buited for the chit-chat of a brief c social 

evening, nor is small talk an appropriate introducl Q the 

meet for the purpos >us matters. Let 

by or gravity rule as place and occasion dem 
Gesticulations are in excessively bad taste. If you do not wish 
to attract censorious remark, converse quietly and without gesture. 
Declamation is not conversation. 

Refrain from the u-e of satire, even if you are master of the art. 
It is permissible only as a guard against impertinence, or for 
purpose of checking personalities, or troublesome int 

I t no circumstances whatever should it b 
amusement's sake, to produce an effect, or in order to show off 

. wit. It must never be employed by a gentlemai 
a lady, though ladies are prone to indulge in the 
weapon. Their acknowledged p should, in the eyes 

true gentleman, shield them from all shafts of satire. If they, on 
the other hand, choose to indulge in satire, it is the part of a gen- 
tleman to remonstrate gently, and if the invective be continued, to 
withdraw. There was a case in point duri: Prussian 

war. The Grand Duchess of , being vhji 

eral on business, took occasion to pour fortli . the 

unmeasured violence of her temper, which had natural]; 

turned by the that had atte: sian 

arms, and had been at th m Injurious 

the 
raid not I 
that a Prussian offl 

from the lips of a hi^h-boru la 



CONVERSATION. 43 

Grand Duchess continuing to ignore the object of the General's 
visit, and continuing also to pour forth the bitterness of her spirit 
upon him, the soldier withdrew, not returning railing for railing, 
but simply declaring that the language used towards him was 
absolutely intolerable. 

Do not attempt to speak with the mouth full. 

Do not, however much you may be pleased with any remark, cry 
out " Bravo !" clap you hands, or permit any gesture, silent or 
otherwise, to mark your appreciation of it. A quiet expression of 
pleasure, or the smiling lip will show quite as plainly your sense 
of the wit, or fitness of the remark. 

If you are flattered, repel it by quiet gravity. You cannot accept 
it without also accepting the contempt of the person who offers it. 
Refrain, too, from expressions of flattery to others ; you will surely 
offend any hearer who has delicacy of feeling and refinement. 

If an error in language, either in pronunciation or grammar, 
escapes those with whom you are conversing, never show that you 
notice it. To take occasion to repeat correctly the same word or 
phrase, is ill-bred in the extreme, and as much so to correct it 
when spoken. 

In addressing any one and in general conversation, it will be 
well to bear in mind the advice of Polonius to his son Laertes : 
" Be thou familiar, but by no means vulgar ;" but unless you have 
special reason, do not too closely adhere to his precept, " Give 
every man thine ear, but not thy tongue." This will only serve to 
make you appear reserved and reticent, when to be so would be 
not only out of place, but ill-bred. In society, a man should make 
himself as agreeable as he can, doing his best to assist conversation, 
as well by talking gracefully and easily, as by listening patiently, 
even though it be to a twice-told tale. 

Do not whistle, loll about, scratch your head, or fidget with any 
portion of your dress while speaking. 'Tis excessively awkward, 
and indicative of low-breeding. 

Strictly avoid anything approaching to absence of mind. There 
can be nothing more offensive than a pre-occupied vacant expres- 
sion, an evident abstraction of self at the very time you are sup- 
posed to be listening attentively to all that is being said to you. 
Lord Chesterfield said : " When I see a man absent in mind. I 
choose to be absent in body," And there was really much reason 
in the remark. 



•11 '■"-'• 

id to endeavor to d 

(or prival 

you liinl others have been guilty < b of 

and 3 ou are bo pla 1 to 

i propric; 
your seat, ur if this able, inform tl 

I 
Unless you are actually afflicted with 

1. It iin: If y«>ur 

raise his 

ever interrupt a speaker. It is equally rud 
which your companion may hesitate a m 
guilty of a rough comment on wh; 

If you understand such t 
mean swer accordingly; if you arc 

Ond out in some way that will not wound th 
of the Bpeaker. 

In general conversation avoid argument. 
of attention, and is moreover apt to break in u\ > y of 

the company. If obliged to discuss a point con- 

tradicting, if necessary, with extreme com 

pert of agreement, finishing oil" with !>ome 1 
remark to prove that you are not bin i 
When addressing a person, look in hi 

. but frankly, never fixing your eyes on I 

boots. 

S] ly and dis and 

while avoiding a shouting tone. 

your remarks being heard. A very low tone of v.. ice will be beard 
if the words areclearly articulated and slowly enough for 

much more agreeable than hurried, 
garbled speech loudly uttered. 

. 
L >ud laughing and gi 

not interrupt yourself by laughing at what you are abou: 



CON VERSA TION. 45 

Eschew scandal, for " in scandal as in robbery, the receiver is 
always thought as bad as the thief." Mimicry is the lowest and 
most ill-bred of all buffoonery. 

Swearing, sneering, private affairs either of yourself or any other, 
have long ago been banished out of the conversation of well-man- 
nered people. 

Never suppose, or never appear to suppose yourself the subject 
of the conversation or laugh of the company. 

Bashfulness is an inconvenient quality, which a great authority 
has stated to be " the distinguishing character of a booby." 

Nicknames are abominable, and are never allowed in good 
society. Call people and things by their right names, and avoid 
affectations of all kinds. 

If your friends become the subject of conversation, never com- 
pare one with another, or mention the vices of one to add to the 
lustre of virtue of the other. Find something pleasant to say of 
each, that you may not earn the reputation of a backbiter. 

In conversing with a foreigner, betray no impatience if he 
hesitates for a word to express himself, nor any ridicule if his 
language is faulty. If you speak his own tongue, say so when you 
begin the conversation, as this is never a mere display of an ac- 
complishment, but a true kindness to "a stranger in a strange 
land." You are almost certain to give pleasure by so doing. 

To speak constantly of public characters or distinguished people 
as your intimate friends, even if they are so, is a certain mark of 
low-breeding. Boasting of your own position, wealth, luxuries or 
possessions of any kind is in equally bad taste. 

Never speak to a literary person of his works. You may by 
an apt quotation or pleasant remark show that you are familiar 
with them, but to question an author about his profession is ill- 
bred. It is equally so to speak of business matters to any man in 
general society. Business men do not go into the world of polite 
society to carry their shop, and they will not thank you for re- 
minding them of work in their hours of relaxation. 

Do not commence any conversation by the suggestion of painful 
or disagreeable topics. To ask a friend abruptly, " For whom are 
you in mourning V may be tearing open anew a w T ound that was 
covered for the time by intercourse with society. Take other steps 
to satisfy yourself on this point, fey the same token, do not say to 



46 

a nun, "Thatwai in nnfortunal that failure of yoi 

Do not aak questions which relate to tne prr the 

►n spoken to, am) be gui inst condncl which may look 

an attem] nfidence. If too \ 

inquiries yon may be 

■ highwayman who sought to rob 
A man's thoughts i 

and you must be very intimal i to be admitted t>» s ^hare in 

them. Even if you are ir more d< I eon- 

Lo you. A man has a perfi efend 

himself from Lamination by any meai 

falsehood. 

In conversing with foreigners do not di 
national customs, even if they aro rude enough to yours. 

You may. pleasantly and frankly, defend the institu your 

native land, but not by comparison with the customs of other 
countries. If your companion is well-bred, he will admit 

jfbly understand American customs better than a 
do ; if lie is a low-bred man, no rudeness on your part will correct 
his manners or views. 

Subjects or incidents calculated to disgust the hearers, are to be 
avoided in polite conversation. There is a posi m to 

I people in describing sickening or revolting scenes, but well- 
bred people will remember that some are - 

I all would prefer more agreeable topf< 
Do not use surnames alone, even if speaking of intimate friends. 
For a lady to speak of her husband as "Smith" 
vulgar in the extreme, and it is low-bred my hus- 

band," " my wife " or. except amongst rela Chris- 

tian nam" only, in speaking of husband oi your 

husband or wife as. -Mr. ." and of your 

also by the surname prefix as, " Remember me to Mr. or 
D. M 
Let no more than one person be vie. 

Ridicule and personal joking cannot t> rely censured. 

• id an officious offer of advice or your own opinion, and if 
yon do give an opinion, be sure it is given as such and • 
fact 



CON VERSA TION. 47 

If you would preserve a character for truthfulness, avoid the too 
common fault of exaggeration. 

When visiting, be careful that you do not appear to undervalue 
anything around you by comparing it with what you have at 
home. 

Beware of personal abuse or invective. Remember what Shake- 
speare put into the month of Cardinal Wolsey, when the Earl of 
Surrey said to him on his disgrace : 

" Now if you can blush and cry ' guilty ' Cardinal, 
You'll show a little honesty." 

Mark the proud dignity of the prelate's reply : 

" Speak on, sir ; 
I dare your worst objections : If I blush 
It is to see a nobleman want manners." 

Punning is a vulgarism that should be scrupulously avoided. An 
inveterate punster, though his play upon words may rise to the 
keenest wit, is yet an insufferable bore. No one feels secure in his 
society, or can guess what word may be torn out of a serious or 
brilliant remark to be tortured into a vulgar witticism, out of place 
and uncalled for. 

Proverbs are not in good taste when introduced into conversa- 
tion. 

Scriptural phrases are apt to subject the speaker to a suspicion 
of insincerity, and should be used very seldom, and with the 
utmost reverence. 

Cant is simply detestable. 

Religion is a subject too apt to lead to long arguments if not to 
positive altercation to be the subject of general conversation. 

Repartee is not a weapon for every-day use. There are few who 
can wield this polished blade skillfully, and when clumsy hands 
grasp it, it will w^ound both speaker and hearer. 

The talented author of " Good Society," says : 

" The great secret of talking well is to adapt your conversation 
as skillfully as may be to your company. Some men make a point 
of talking commonplace to all ladies alike, as if a woman could 
only be a trifler. Others, on the contrary, seem to forget in what 
respects the education of a lady differs from that of a gentleman, 
and commit the opposite error of conversing on topics with which 



[e0 are seldom acquainted. A woman of sense has as mucli 

ed by the one, as. a lady of ordii atioti 

Oner complimenl to □ of 

refinemei iding the c ch a 

channel as may mark your appreciation of her bu] ttain- 

menl 

• It should be remembered that people take moi • in 

their own affairs than in anything In 

lead a mother to talk of her chil 
dren, a young lady of her last ball, an author of his 
book, or an artist of his exhibition picture. Having furnished the 
topic you Deed only listen ; and you are thought n< 
able, but thoroughly sei and well-inform 

"Be careful, on the other hand, not alwa; 
talking to persons upon general matters relating to their pro 
Bions. To show an interest in their immedi 

but to converse with them too much about their own art or 
profession, looks as if you thought them ignorant of othe 

"Remember in conversation that a voice ' gentle and 
above all other extraneous accomplishments, an 'excellent tbii 
woman. 1 There is a certain distinct but subd 
which is peculiar to persons only of the best bre 
to err by the use of too low than too loud a tone. Loud laugh: 
extremely objectionable in society. 

"Conversation is a reflex of character. The pretentious, the 
illiterate, the impatient, the curious, will as inevitably betray their 
idiosyncrasies as the modest, the even tempered and the e 
Strive as wo may, we cannot always be acting. Let us. t: 
fore, cultivate a tone of mind, and a habit of fife, the betrayal of 
which need not put us to shame in the company of the pore and 
wise, and the rest will I [fwe make ourselves worth] 

refined and intelligent society, we shall n< 
and in such society we shall acqui . ample all tha: 

failed to learn from precept.'' 

If you are conversing, when interrupted by a visitor, ai 
the customary greetings, resume the [on, you mu * 

capitulate the substance of it for the benefit of the new comer. 

T<> invariably commence a conversation b\ 
weather shows a poverty i i truly pit:. 



%. 



INVITATIONS. 49 

Do not constantly repeat the name of a person with whom you 
are conversing. 

A person who has travelled will probably be severely ridiculed 
if constantly referring to " the winter I spent in Florence," or 
" when I was in London." 

If conversation takes a tone that is offensive to good taste, charity 
or justice, be silent. 

Do not be too ready to correct any statement you may deem 
untrue. You may be yourself mistaken. 



INVITATIONS. 

All invitations, excepting dinner invitations, are issued in the 
name of the lady of the house alone. Dinner invitations are 
issued in the name of the gentleman and lady of the house, or 
when extended to gentlemen only, in the name of the host alone. 

Answers to invitations, excepting such dinner invitations as are 
issued in the name of the gentleman only, must be addressed to 
the lady of the house. 

When invitations are issued in the height of a fashionable 
season, it is best to send them out at least a fortnight beforehand. 
For a small company, and when gayety is not at its height, a week's 
notice is sufficient. For a costume ball, private theatricals or any 
occasion when elaborate dresses or preparations are needed, a 
month should be given. 

Printed cards of invitation are not en regie, excepting for public 
occasions. A small note paper is the only appropriate one, and 
may have the initial letter or monogram stamped upon it, and the 
envelope. Any more fanciful decoration is in excessively bad 
taste. 

The proper form for a dinner invitation is : 

" Mr. and Mrs. G request the favor of Mr. and Mrs. L 's 

company at dinner, on Tuesday, the 8th of January, at 5 o'clock." 

Or, 

"Mr. G — requests the pleasure of Mr. L 's company at dinner, 

on Tuesday, the 8th of January, at 5 o : elock." 



50 INVITATl 

Tip ptiog the i 1 1 \~ i t : 1 1 i t > 1 1 should run a.s follow 

" M L h:ivc much pleasure In accepting 

G '■ kind i i ■>"." 

[f .i Hawing form ma il be used : 

'• Mr and Mi i- regret that 

I uiii pn •. — '■ km<l i 

■I the Bth ot Jam 

Should the invito -n for the 

must be given, and, unless an excuse (which al more 

or less of the untruthful be wanted, it is the 1 

.i the cause which actually is the preventive. Whatever the 

e — sicklies-, domestic trouble, business or any other — it should 
be stated ely as possible in the answer, which in 

should be dispatched as soon as ; inly the next day) 

after the receipt of the invitation, that the hoste have time 

to summon other guests in the stead of those declining her first 
invitations. 

A ft or an invitation is once accepted, it should be scrupuloi 
observed. Nothing but the most absolute necessity should pre- 
you from going, and when such necessity ai hould be Com- 

municated directly, with a full explanation of the preventing 
cause even if it is within half an hour of the appointed dinner 
time. If earlier, send thr» explanation as soi ible. 

Invitations to dinner and the answers nm >eial 

senger. The post is proverbially uncertain, and the non-arrival 
of an expected invitation or its answer, may can 

It is a breach of etiquette, to say nothing of practical in< 
venience, to bring an unassorted company together at dinner. 
Great people, public characters, literary celebrities or distinguished 
guests from any cause should not he invited me they 

3uch. They will he uncomfortable if the guests summoned to 
meet them are not congenial, and the remainder of your com; 
equally so. No one guest should be too conspicuous. A harmon- 
ious blending of tastes and qualities Bhould be the object in view. 
• us moving in one circle of BOCiety Bhould not, as a general 
rule be invited to meet those who move in . A man 

of strong political bias in one direction, Bhould not be i 
meet a party opposed to his views; persons of known and marked 
differences in religious matters should not be invited to meet each 



: * 



INVITATIONS. 51 

other, and above all, avoid the social collision of those whom you 
know to be personal enemies. The best guide in such matters is 
common sense, coupled with a little judicious forethought. 

Invitations to large balls should be sent out at least a fortnight 
before the time appointed, and are worded thus : 

" Mrs. L 's compliments to Miss G , and requests the pleasure 

of her company at a ball, on "Wednesday, the 7th of March, at 9 o'clock." 

The answer is as follows : 

" Miss G 's compliments to Mrs. L , and accepts with pleasure 

her kind invitation for "Wednesday, March 7th." 

Or, 

" Miss G regrets a recent death in her family will prevent her ac- 
cepting Mrs. L 's kind invitation for March 7th." 

An invitation to an evening party is worded : 

" Mrs. S compliments to Mr. and Mrs. T , and requests the plea- 
sure of their company on March 9th, at 8 o'clock." 

Such an invitation calls for full evening dress. The answer is 
the same as for a ball invitation. 

Invitations to pic-nics, private theatricals, concerts, tea parties 
and other entertainments, generally state the nature of such 
entertainment, and are a little less formal than those already given. 

For a musical party : 

" Mrs. R requests the pleasure of Mr. and Mrs. P 's company, 

on Thusday evening, Feb. 10th, at 8'clock, to meet the members of the Har- 
monia Musical Society. " 

And if you have a programme of the concert, enclose it. 

Or, 

" Mrs. F expects a few friends on Monday evening next, at 8 

o'clock, to take part in some dramatic readings, and would be happy to have 
Miss B join the party." 

Or, 

" Mrs. S 's compliments to Mk s P , and would be pleased to 

have her join a pic-nic party to Pine Grove, on Wednesday, June 14th. 

Carriages start from Mrs. S 's at 9 o'clock, and a place will be reserved 

for Miss P ." 

Notes of invitation must always be dated, and your address in 
full written in one corner, thus : 

" Feb. 6th, 18-. 

" Miss M requests the pleasure of Miss N 's company to a small 

evening party, on Friday evening next, at 8 o'clock. 

" No. 762 R Street." 



The l""ly of the invitation bnmI be In the middle of tl 
and i bOf« to U - to 

left 

.lainin^ invitations 111:1 ; 1>«' i] 
the private resident 

\\ h«*n the offl oent or a ship ter- 

tainment, and it is not possible to invite them all, il 

end an invitation to tin* Colonel or Comma 
by a certain number of blank tickets, if it be a publ >r by 

an intimation that the host would ho *i\m\ to 
tain and so many of tl 

Invitations by a regiment to a ball, t arc 

worded as follows : 

KQot; ;m( j the officers of the Regiment, ther 

, request t: 
on the 7th of I tooember, ;it 9 o'. h 
4> 11 Barracks, corner of ;iuJ [ 

Answers should he addressed to the Colonel of the regiment, 
and worded thus : 

'• Mr. and Mrs. C 'a compliment- to Colonel ar. 

the R . J>. I., an 1 

i«>r the 7th of Deoeml 

In ease an officer desires to invite hia he 

encloses his own card in the invitation, but 1st all be LSI 

in the form already given, the card explaining to which oilier the 
compliment is to he attributed. 

Invitations to a Naval ball arc issued in the name of th 

tain and officers of the U. S. Ship " or simply in the name 

of "The Officers of the U. S. Ship ." 

a the corner of the card the name officer to whom the 

answers are to Bhould be written. 

An officer of higher rank, or a public official of 1 ;ion, 

will signify on his card what aid p or clerk is i 

the answers to his invitati a in the 

name ol himself and wife. tl. 

B p l» 'a 

company, on Thursday, the 6th < . k. 

44 Dii C ." 






INVITATIONS. 53 

Verbal invitations are given only when the occasion is a very 
informal one, and imply plain dress, early hours and a small com- 
pany. 

Invitations to concerts, theatre or opera, should be sent in time 
to secure good seats, if accepted. The usual style is : 

" Mr. G would be much pleased to have Mrs. and Miss Hunt's com- 
pany at the opera, on "Wednesday evening, when La Trovatore will be per- 
formed by the Italian troupe at the Academy of Music." 

Such an invitation calls for an immediate answer from the elder 
lady, and should be as follows : 

" Mrs. and Miss Hunt accept with pleasure Mr. G 's polite invita- 
tion to listen to a favorite opera on Wednesday evening." 

Or if declined : 

" Mrs. Hunt regrets that a prior engagement will prevent her own and 

Miss Hunt's acceptance of Mr. G 's polite invitation for "Wednesday 

evening." 

For a general reception, invitations are printed upon cards, thus : 



UTts-, Mi II nuns 

At Home, 

Wednesday Evening, January yaIJi, 
No. 3-18 Stkeet. 



Such cards do not require any answer. 



51 DINNER COMPAQ v. 



])i\\i;i: company. 

On HO occasion is | want of punctuality more ill-bred than at a 
dinner party, whether it is tl 

who allows dinner to be later than the time appOU ileau 

remarks, frith as much truth as larcasm: 

• 1 have always been punctual to the hour of dinner, for I know- 
that those whom I kept waiting would employ th< asant 
ints to sum up all my faults. " 

To arrive too early is to annoy the lady of the hou I urb- 

ing her at her toilet, 

To arrive too late is injurious to the dinner, to the temper of 
your boat, of the other guests and of the serva; .: 

It is really a sad breach of etiquette to be later than the 1 
named in your invitation for dinner, and from ten to fifteen mini 
before it is quite soon enough for your arrival. 

As regards the hour for dinner, etiquette, strictly 
not prescribed anything. Custom, the fashion, convenienc 
score of things may control it. From live to eight o'clock 
big somewhat to the season of the year, is the present fashion al le 
lim'>t. By that time the business of must men is over for the day, 
which can scarcely be said of an hour earlier than f. 

The lady of the house should be in her draw! 
receive her guests, ten or fifteen minutes before the hour fixed for 
their arrival, and the daughters of the « ith her, 

and not drop in oik 1 by one after the \ "rival. The gentle- 

man of the house should also be p ictly 

gentleman's party, at which no \ 
ready before the appointed time to do the hon< 

(Mi L r ue>ts being announced, the lady advances a f> 
towards them, and Bhould receive them cordial! 
of welcome. 

The lioness must never betray any chagrin at the late 

* try to place the unfortunate last arrival h at 



DINNER COMPANY. 55 

ease as possible by her cordial welcome and unembarrassed 
manner. 

Before all the guests have arrived the lady should have made 
her arrangements as to what gentleman and lady are to go in to 
dinner together, and before dinner is announced the gentlemen of 
the party should be informed what lady they are to escort to the 
table. 

The gentleman of the house offers his arm to the lady most 
honored amongst the guests, the gentleman most distinguished 
offers his arm to the lady of the house. 

Gentlemen give the left arm to a lady, excepting military officers 
in full dress, who give the right arm, as the sword is inconveniently 
worn for offering the left. In all other cases the right arm must 
be left free. 

The order of procession being settled, the company move ac- 
cording to it from the drawing-room to the dining-room, as soon 
as dinner is announced. 

The host sits at the bottom of the table, the hostess at the top. 
At the right of the host is placed the lady he escorted from the 
drawing-room, and at the right of the hostess her escort. The 
next place of honor is at the left of the hostess. 

It is a good plan, and rapidly becoming an established custom, 
to have small cards with the names of the guests written upon 
them, laid upon the plate at each seat. Each one thus taking the 
place assigned prevents confusion, and gives the hostess the 
privilege of placing near to each other the guests who will prove 
mutually agreeable. 

Gentlemen should stand behind their respective chairs until all 
the ladies are seated, and then take their own seats, being careful 
that their chairs do not stand upon the dresses of the ladies beside 
them. 

Seats having been apportioned to all, grace is said, by a clergy- 
man if there is one present, if not, by the host. The clergyman 
should be invited to say grace by the host. 

If the dinner is a la Busse, there will not be any carving done on 
the table itself. 

If the party is small, mere enfamille, the hostess will have a dish 
before her, the contents of which will have to be carved. The 
gentleman on her right hand should in that case offer to carve for 



56 DINNKR COMPANY, 

her, but if sir should not y . Many 1 . 

- and like to a] 
Til- • in our little Tolmne 

• nn any portion i I All that 

etiqi • I up 

: must DO< DV the 

meat may be, all round the dish; nor should yon c upon 

the age of the fowl, tli own awk- 

dmh In cairn >n really do not nuderitand it. do not 

at it up. 
Never be helped I 
I to be tw -h. You 

Boup or fish, but make no comment it" you do, as to your likit . 
dislike for the dish, nor is it incumbent upon you 
*• loop does not agree with you," or that " fish you 

ill -." any sueh remarks are rude. Simply I 
in refusing a dish, is all the reply that strict etiquette will aJ 
upon the subject 

should be made by the 1 
of a guest to partake of a proffered dish, 
a guest with " Oh, You musl made by 

• indeed any remark upon the i 
annoying to the guest, but a proof of low-breeding in the enter- 
tainers. There is a sort of hospitality about it. but it is a rough 
barbarism. Who does not remember the 

s 1 hospitable gtmeherU in Charles "Poor B 

when urging the poor relation to eat with 
some more ; remember you do not get puddi day." 

Never should a host or hostess apologize for \ fore 

their L r u<*-t. Such apologies are generally i -in- 

pliment, untrue and in entirely bad taste. In inviti] 
to dinner, the host binds himself them the I 

hoiis.' and purse can afford, and if the fart will 

BOO!) find it out, if bad. no a; er. 

It is in bad taste to a] 
them, and betrays a lamentable ignoran 
They are hired to wait upon the g 

tfl how they feel, as long as they discharge their duty. 

rej ' 



DINNER COMPANY. 57 

Do not, when a dish is brought to you, say you prefer to be 
helped after some one else. Accept or refuse what is offered to 
you, and let the waiter pass the dish on. A gentleman, however, 
will see that the lady he has escorted to the table is helped as she 
wishes, before he attends to his own dinner, but to interfere with 
the lady on the other side of him is an insult to her escort. He 
may ask the lady under his care if she will be helped from any 
dish offered him, before he accepts or declines for himself, and 
will issue her orders for her to the waiter when she selects her 
dinner. 

A gentleman or a lady will always say " Thank you " to a waiter, 
but nothing more. 

A guest must never find fault with any dish placed before him, 
and to appear to question the quality or freshness of the viands by 
smelling or fastidiously tasting them, is a positive insult to the 
gentleman who has invited him to his table. 

A host or hostess may never find fault before their guests, neither 
with the dinner, with the servants, nor with each other. Burnt 
soup, fish boiled to rags, underdone vegetables, heavy pastry, must 
be endured with smiling equanimity. No scowl must greet the crash 
that announces the fall of a tray of the finest glass, no word of 
remonstrance greet the deluge of a plate of soup over the table- 
cloth. If care has not been taken to secure first-rate cooks and 
well-trained waiters, the faults of omission and commission must 
be endured with placid serenit} 7 . 

After the ladies have ail been served, the guests to the right of 
the hostess must be attended to. then the guest on her left, and so 
on until all are served. Ten persons are all that one cook can 
properly prepare a dinner for, and three waiters will be amply 
employed in waiting upon that number. If more are invited the 
attempt to make the conversation general had better not be made, 
but the guests allowed to converse tete a fete. 

Wine should be handed by the waiters after soup. To decline 
wine by covering the mouth of the wine-glass with the hand is an 
ill-bred gesture. Say simply " Not any, thank you," and the 
waiter will not fill your glass. 

Fish follows next in order. A slice, neatly cut, not hashed up by 
bad carving, should be placed upon each plate, with a slice of egg, 
and fish sauce. If there be a silver knife, use it to cut the fish. If 



!>i\\i S COMPANY. 

Dot, take your fork in your right hand and supply the place of the 

knife b\ ;i small pi 1 bread, which you should cut <-il*. and when 

•i your plate. 
Do :.'t ••!' ;i> if you ba life 

— that is tO say. do not i do DOt rat i: 

able 

Never smack the lips whei 

ep breath i the 

exercise hid fatigued yon. 

your mouth <>r throat, 
nek your teeth, or pass your tongue round the oul 
Of y<.ur g 

ren with cheese, put your knife into your mouth. 
.vr pick your teeth, or put your finger into your mirth 
If you find you have a fish-bone in your mouth, cover your lips 
with a napkin to remove it. It ia better to lie ve ful to 

remove all bones before putting fish into your mouth. On no ac- 
count spit the bones out upon your plate. 

\er take the hones of fowl or birds up in your fn maw 

or suck them. Remove the meat with your knife, and convey it to 
your mouth with your fork, never b oil' 

every pai tide of flesh. 

Wipe your finger tips, if soiled, upon the table napkin, ni 
upon your tongue <>r the table- cloth. An elegant eater will 1 - 
have occasion to think of his ftnge 

Never ose the table-cloth to wipe your mouth, you well 

use it in place of your pocket handkerchief 

Never remark upou what is placed before you. either in pra 
or dispraise of it. 

N Ither drink nor speak when you have anything in yottr mouth. 
When you are helped, begin to cat. without regard I 
who have already, or ha'. 

.itch the dishes as they are uncovered, nor m;. 
I miatioii when you see their COntei 
I ■ •■'■ mstfl cea tuck your napkii 

collar. Unfold it partially and put it in your lap. covering 
\ lady may Blip a corner under 1km* belt if the: 
slipping upon her dre-s. but 
awkward indeed if he lets his napkin fall upon the lloor. 



DINNER COMPANY. 59 

No gentleman will ever settle himself in his chair, pushing back 
his cuffs, as if for a " set-to," at the table. 

If you make any general remark, do not look up at the waiters 
to see what effect it has upon them. If they are well-trained they 
will not move a muscle at hearing the most laughable story, nor 
will they give any sign whatever that they have not closed their 
ears like deaf adders to all that has been going on. In any case, 
however, you must refrain from noticing them. 

If you want anything, take the occasion of a waiter being near 
to you, to ask for it in an undertone. To shout out "Waiter!" 
or order one about, as if you were in a restaurant, is a certain 
mark of ill-breeding, 

Unless the party is a very small one, general conversation is im- 
possible. In such a case, you must converse with those on either 
side of you, not confining your remarks exclusively to one. 

Talk in a low, quiet tone, but never in a whisper. 

To affect an air of mystery or secrecy at a dinner-table, is an 
insult to your companion and company assembled. 

It is in bad taste to force the attention of the company upon 
yourself by loud talking or loud laughing. 

Too many jokes or anecdotes are in bad taste, but the subjects 
for conversation should not be too serious. 

Any gentleman propounding a conundrum at the dinner-table, 
deserves to be taken away by the police. 

To use one's own knife, spoon or fingers, instead of the butter- 
knife, sugar-tongs or salt-spoons, is to persuade the company that 
you have never seen the latter articles before, and are unacquainted 
with their use. 

Never eat all that is on your plate, and above all never be guilty 
of the gaucherie of scraping your plate, or passing your bread 
over it as if to clean it. 

Never fill your mouth so full that you cannot converse ; at the 
same time avoid the appearance of merely playing with your food. 
Eat in small mouthfuls, and rather slowly than rapidly. 

If upon opening fruit you find it is not perfect, or there is a 
worm in it, pass your plate quietly and without remark to the 
waiter, who will bring you a clean one. 

None but a low-bred clown will ever carry fruit or bon bom away 
from the table, 



DINNER COMPAQ 

Drinkii Ith peopk is an old bul it will ))<»• 

daj e be found to exist onl; amon 

[f y o take wine w it ou Bhonl 1 

i:ll your >rtof wine your friend has, and 

• Ups, Eon Dee L onlj I upon the prin- 

oo bee] taj 
man would be I y would 

not understand what b old at the 

prop 

om your m< nth th< a or 

pips of fruits. lb m upon the pr< laid 

horizontally, and place i li- in as conveniently i 
process will allow upon the edge of your pi 

Never play with your I 

Never play with your knife and fork, fidget wi liar, 

balance your spoon on your tumbler, make pill id, or 

perform any of those vulgar antics unfortunate!} en at 

table. 

Never in conversation, illustrate your remarks by plans drawn 
upon the table-cloth with your na'.l. or built of your knife, fork 
and spoon. 

Never Btretch your feet out under th ich those 

of your opposite neighbor. It is qu i 1 to put them up 

under you upon the chair-bar. or curl them up under the chair itself. 

Try to take an easy position at tal le, neither i up 

to it. nor yet BO far away as to risk depositing your food upon the 
floor instead of conveying it to your mouth. 

Never touch fruit with your lingers. If you WM 1 an 

apple, a pear or a peach, hold the fruit on a fork in your left hand, 
and pee! with a silver knife in your rl. 

cut from the v. hole fruit, but n< r anything else at 

table. Need I say no fruit should rocked at the table. 

When the hostess thinks her lady friends have taken as much 

■rt as they wi>h. she catches the eye of the principal am 

them; an interchange of ocular telegraphing the 

BBS rises, and with her all the company rh 

r the ladh is nean 

the door opens it. and holds it open until all the ladies 

ollt i>\ til 



DINNER COMPANF. §\ 

As soon as the ladies have retired the gentlemen may resume 
their seats for more wine and conversation, but it is a very poor 
compliment to the lady guests to linger long in the dining-room. 

The ladies upon leaving the dining-room, retire to the drawing- 
room, and occupy themselves until the gentlemen again join them. 
It is well for the hostess to have a reserve force for this interval, 
of photographic albums, stereoscopes, annuals, new music, in fact, 
all the ammunition she can provide to make this often tedious 
interval pass pleasantly. 

If you dine in the French fashion, the gentlemen rise with the 
ladies, each offering his arm to the lady he escorted to dinner, and 
all proceed to the drawing-room together. 

If the gentlemen remain to have coffee served in the dining- 
room, tea may be served in the drawing-room to the ladies. 

Upon returning to the drawing-room the gentlemen should never 
cluster round the door, but join the ladies at once, striving to 
repay the hospitality of the hostess by making themselves as 
agreeable as possible to the guests. 

From two to three hours after dinner is the proper time to leave 
the house. 

If the dinner is for the gentlemen guests alone, and the lady of 
house presides, her duties are over when she rises after dessert. 
The gentlemen do not expect to find her in the drawing-room 
again. In this case cigars may be served with the coffee, and 
then the servants may retire, unless especially summoned to wait. 
If smoking is indulged in, have placed upon the table a number of 
small match boxes, ashes receivers, and between the chairs spit- 
toons. And here let me add a few words upon smoking taking 
from an English authority, but which, with a few exceptions will 
apply equally well to lovers of the weed upon this side of the 
water. He says : 

" But what shall I say of the fragrant weed which Raleigh 
taught our gallants to puff in capacious bowls ; which a royal 
pedant denounced in a famous t Counterblast,' which his flattering 
laureate, Ben Jonson, ridiculed to please his master ; which our 
wives and sisters protest gives rise to the dirtiest and most un- 
sociable habit a man can indulge in ; of which some fair favorers 
declare that they love the smell, and others that they will never 
marry an indulger (which, by the way, they generally end in 



DINNER COMPANT, 

doing); which has won a f;,i pace and anions hotter 

meo than NoahV grape has ever done; which doctors still dispute 
about, and b< but which to the solaee of the 

I the rappoi t of the Ql-fed 
wrought t of 

the exquisite ; the i (idle; the companion of the phO- 

ber : and tin 4 tenth muse of tt either Into the 

the medical nor the moral questions about the dreamy calming 
dond. 1 will content myself so far with Baying what may be said 
for everything that can bless and curse mankind, that in modera- 
tion it is at least harmless; hut what is m< not, 
must be determined in each individual i sording to the 
hahits and constitution of the Bubjects. If it cui ta, it may 
destroy digestion; if it soothes the nerves, it may. in excess, pro- 
duce a chronic irritability. 

" But I will regard it in a social point of view, and, first as a 
narcotic, notice its effects on the individual character. I believe 
then, that in moderation it diminishes the violence of the 
and particularly that of the temper. Interested in the i 
have taken care to seek instances of members of the same family 
having the same violent temper by inheritance i the one 

has been calmed down by smoking, and the other gone on in his 

ionate course. I believe that it induces a habit of calm reflec- 
tiveness, which causes us to take less prejudiced, perhaps less 
zealous views of life, and to be therefore less irritable in our con- 
verse with our fellow-creatures. I am inclined to think that the 
clerny, the squirearchy and the peasantry, are the most prejudiced 
ami most violent classes in this country (England) ; there may bo 
other reasons for this, but it is noteworthy that tl 
which smoke least. On the other hand. I confess that it indin 
certain lassitude, and a lounging, ea^y mode of life, which is fatal 
both to the precision of manners and the vivacity of conversation. 
The mind of a smoker is contemplative rather than .1 if 

the weed cures our irritability, it kills our wit. I believe that it 
is a fallacy to suppose that it encourages «1 "i i .k i r j it. Tlier.- Is more 
drinking and less smoking in England than in any other country 
of the tli*» civilized world. ] g the 

try of last century, who never smoked at all. Smoke and wine 

do not go well together. Coffee and beer are it cumpani- 



DINNER COMPANY. (33 

ments ; and the one cannot intoxicate, the other must be largely- 
imbibed to do so, I have observed among young bachelors that very 
little wine is drunk in their chambers, and that beer is gradually 
taking its place. The cigar, too, is an excuse for rising from the 
dinner-table, where there are no ladies to go to. 

" In another point of view, I am inclined to think that smoking 
has conduced to make the society of men, when alone, less riotous, 
less quarrelsome and even less vicious than it was. Where young 
men now blow a common cloud, they were formerly driven to a 
fearful consumption of wine ; and this in their heads, they were 
ready and roused to any iniquity. But the pipe is the bachelor's 
wife. With it, he can endure solitude longer, and is not forced 
into low society in order to shun it. With it, too, the idle can pass 
many an hour, which otherwise he would have given, not to work, 
but to extravagant follies. With it, he is no longer restless, and 
impatient for excitement of any kind. We never hear now of 
young blades issuing in bands from their wine to beat the watch or 
disturb the slumbering citizens, as we did thirty or forty years ago, 
when smoking was still a rarity ; they are all puffing harmlessly in 
their chambers now. But, on the other hand, I foresee with dread 
a too tender allegiance to the pipe, to the destruction of good so- 
ciety, and the abandonment of the ladies. No wonder they hate 
it, dear creatures ! the pipe is the worst rival a woman can have, 
and it is one whose eyes she cannot scratch out ; who improves 
with age, while she herself declines ; who has an art which no wo- 
man possesses, that of never wearying her devotee ; who is silent, 
yet a companion ; costs little, yet gives much pleasure ; w r ho, lastly, 
never upbraids, and always yields the same joy. Ah ! this is a 
powerful rival to wife or maid ; and no wonder that at last the 
woman succumbs, consents, and, rather than lose her lord or mas- 
ter, even supplies the hated herb with her own fair hands. 

" There are rules to limit this indulgence. One must never 
smoke, nor even ask to smoke, in the company of the fair, If they 
know that in a few minutes you will be running off to your cigar, 
the fair will do well — say it is in a garden, or so — to allow you to 
bring it out and smoke it there. 

" One must never smoke, again, in the streets— that is, in day- 
light. The deadly crime may be committed, like burglary, after 
dark, but not before. 



r,[ D1NA BR COMPANY. 

• in > mnel . ■ room inhi by tin 4 

i well brad man, who baa a wife or Bister, will oot 
..(.in tiler dinner. 
ke in a public place, where I e or 

might ade. 

moke in a ra I 

: l)Ul if 

t liort* be a lady there, though she give b it, smoke 

In d "lit of ten, ahe will give it fn 

never sni«>k<' in may ask and 

obtain leave to amoke, whep returning from a pic*nic or ex] 

tioii. in an open 

One must never smoke in a theatre, od a race-course, nor in 
church. This last is not, perhaps, 8 In the 

ian churches you see a placard announcing 
hi tabae. 1 
•• One must never smoke when anybody shows an objection to it. 
1 e must never smoke a pipe in the 
toe must never smoke at all in the i m of a hotel. 

•■ One must never smoke, without asking permit 
enee of a clergyman. 

•• But if you smoke, or if you are in the company of srnok. 
and are to appear afterwards in the pn you must 

change your clothes to smoke in. A host who invites you to smoke 
will generally offer you an ol the pur). 

•■ You must also after smoking rinse the mouth well out, and if 
ble brush the teeth. 

• You should never smoke in another person's house without 

\ and you should not ask leave to do BO, if there are ladies in 
the b 

• When you are £oinsT to smoke a cigar, you should offer one at 
the same time to anybody present 

•• Feu should always amok whether p 

or bad, and never make any remark upon its quality." 

At a gentleman's party it is the host alone who may call upon 
any of the company for 
how much otfa 

* In Ami : ■ man 

will violate etiquette 



DINNER COMPANY. 65 

During the week following a dinner party, it is etiquette for 
each guest to call upon the hostess, and it is rude to delay the call 
more than a fortnight. 

In concluding this chapter we give from a modern English work 
the following bills of fare for dinners suiting the different seasons 
of the year, which may be useful to young housekeepers : 

MENUS OF FOUR CHOICE DINNERS, ADAPTED TO EACH SEA- 
SON OF THE YEAR. 

January. — (For ten Persons.) 

Consomme" soup, with quenelles ; Turbot, with Dutch sauce. 

Two Removes. — Braized fillet of veal, larded a la Chateaubriand ; 
Roast turkey, with puree of mushrooms. 

Four Entrees. — Oyster Kromeskys, a la Russe; Pork cutlets, 
sauce Robert ; Partridges, a la Prince of Wales ; Supreme of 
fowls, a la Macedoine. 

Second Course. — Pintail ; Snipes. 

One Remove. — Fondu of Parmesan cheese. 

Four Entremets. — Salad, a la Rachel ; Vol-au-vent of preserved 
greengages ; Plombieres cream iced ; Braized celery with brown 
sauce. 

April. — (For eight Persons.) 

Cray-fish soup ; Spey trout, parsley sauce. 

Two Removes.— Boiled fowls, oyster sauce ; Glazed tongue a 
la jardiniere. 

Two Entrees. — Lamb cutlets, asparagus, peas ; Boudins of 
rabbits, a la Reine. 

Second Course. — Lobster salad ; Green goose. 

Four Entremets. — Orange fritters ; Tapioca pudding ; Wine 
jelly ; Potatoes a la Lyonnaise. 

June. — (For twelve Persons.) 

Puree of green peas, soup ; Stewed sturgeon, matelotte sauce ; 
Fillets of mackerel a la maitre d' hotel. 

Two Removes. — Roast fore- quarter of lamb ; Spring chickens 
a la Montmorency. 

Four Entrees. — Fillets of ducklings, with green peas; Mutton 



,;,; DINNA B VOMPA 

cutlets | la Wyndham : Blanquette ol 
Timbtle <>t* m la Milanai 

Pl< mish j - iffle\ 

Si\ laeof chicken ; 

Peaa a l;i Pra ' tach jelly with Doyaa; Love lace* 

wiih chocolate 

< h i obeb.— I Fob eioh 
Potage ft la Julienne j Baked had 
Two RbmoI : of mutton, en 

;mt a la Chipulata. 

Two Ehtrbbs.— Pork cutlets, tomato bj lurried rabbit 

and iv 

Second Coubse. — Roast black-cock; Oyster « , 

Four Entb i la Duchesse; ]'.! njjo ; 

Apple tartlets; Semolina pudding. 



. 



MENU OF A FIRST RATE CHRISTMAS DINN] 
Chbibtm is I ) INNER. 
Turtle souj) ; Turbot a la Vatel; Fill. a la Tan 

Thbbb Removes. — Roast turk< ice; Bra 

ham a la jardii round of b 

Point Ehtrbbs. — Marrow pati Iml of pi \ la 

financiere; Bweet breads a la Saint Cloud; Mutton cutlets; a la 
Vicomtesse. 

Second Course. — Woodcocks ; Grouse ; Mince pies ; Plum pud- 
ding. 

BVTBBMBTB. — Broeoli with rarmesan cheese ; lialian 
creams; Croute al'Amaiias- Salad a la Rachel; Meringues a la 
Pariaienne ; Punch jelly. 



67 



BALLS. 

The form of invitations will be found on page 49. 

An invitation to a ball should be sent out from two to three 
weeks before the evening, and should be answered within a day or 
two of being received. 

As to the number of guests to be invited, no precise rules can 
be laid down. The size of your room does not seem to be any 
guide. The custom is to ask rather more than twice as many as 
your rooms will hold ; but one-third more will be enough, as it 
will allow of disappointments at the last moment, even if all have 
accepted the invitations. Besides, during the gayest of the season, 
the fashion of going to several balls in one night necessitates en- 
suring the presence of a sufficiently large number of guests all 
through the evening. If you really wish for dancing, do not exceed 
the last limits. If, however, your aim is to have the largest ball of 
the season, a crush and crowd, to make a sensation, then invite 
your entire visiting list, and endure the consequences. 

A hundred guests constitute a " ball ;" over that, a "large ball ;" 
under that, merely a " dance." 

One of the first requisites of a ball-room is thorough ventila- 
tion, especially if there is a prospect of a large number of guests. 

One of the most desirable points in a ball is to have a beautifully- 
arranged room. The floor must be well waxed, and perfectly even, 
and it is well to draw a cord across two- thirds of it, not admitting 
more than can dance inside the space so cut off at once. The 
French make their ball-rooms perfect flower-gardens. Every 
comer has its immense bouquet ; the walls are gracefully wreathed ; 
bouquets, baskets, and exquisitely decorated pots of growing plants 
are placed in every available place. The staircases, landings, and 
supper-room are all filled with floral treasures, harmonizing with 
fine effect with the brilliant lights and gay the dresses of the 
ladies. It adds to the effect to conceal the musicians behind a 
screen of evergreen and flowers. 

The dressing-rooms should be provided with two servants apiece, 



G8 BJU 

and small cards, with the names of the Upon tliem, 

. bould be in readiness to pin to the h one. 

In each dressing-room, have plenty p, and towels 

upon the washstand, several brushes and combs, small hand-mir- 

pin-cushions well filled, and Btick pomade upon the bureau. 

The ladies' room should also have hair-pins, a work-hox in readi- 
to repair any accidental rip or U DOrn, and 

of faintness. The gentlemen's room should be pro- 
vided with a hoot -jack, a whisk, and a clotheS-hlUSlL 

No one .should accept an invitation to a hall who cannot or who 
will not dance. They are mere encumbrai thing is more 

trying to the feelings <>i' a hostess than to Bee a number of wall- 
flowers ornamenting (?) her hall-room. 

The hour at which one may go to a hall varies from ten o'clock 
in the evening until daybreak. Any one w eral halls 

in one evening will, of course, find it impossible t«> appear at an 
early hour at each one. 

The lady of the house — who should, if possible, k lamo 
of everybody who enters the room — must stand near the doe 
as to receive her guests, to each of whom she must find something 
to say, no matter how trifling. The host must also he near, to 
welcome arrivals, and the sons to introduc \ The young 
ladies must see that the dances are kept up, and should not dance 
themselves till they have found partners for all their friends. They 
may with perfect propriety ask any gentleman present to he intro- 
duced to a partner, and he is hound to accept th<> invitation ; hut the 
lady must he careful whom she asks. Mar i it ire 
strangers to her. Miss A. has hrought her betrothed ; Miss B. in- 
troduces her cousin, Captain , on a short leave of ahsenco 

from his regiment in Texas ; Miss C. presents her brother, just re- 
turned from California ; Miss D. begs leave to introduce a cousin 
on a short visit to the city ; Miss E., a belle, has informed a dozen 
or two of her admirers where they may how to her on the evening 
of the hall. All these Btrangers b<>w to the hostess, and must ho 
provided with partners. The "Man in the Club Window" says: 

14 1 have known a case where a distinguished-looking young man, 
having declined the lady's invitation to dance, hut I 
by, ' I can't make up the lancers without you.' somewhat reluctant- 
ly accepted, performed his part so well that his partner was quite 



BALLS. 69 

eprlse with him, and even ventured on a little flirtation. You can 
imagine her dismay when, a little later in the evening, she saw her 
charming acquaintance carrying up a pile of plates from the 
kitchen to the supper-room. For the first time in her life, she had 
danced with an occasional waiter." 

If a gentleman act as escort to a lady, he must call at her house, 
at the hour she appoints, with a carriage, and he is expected to 
send a bouquet in the course of the afternoon. Upon reaching the 
house of the hostess for the evening, he must escort his fair charge 
to the dressing-room, leave her at the door, make his own toilet as 
rapidly as possibly, and return to meet the lady at the dressing- 
room door again, escort her to the ball-room, and at once to the 
hostess. She is obliged by etiquette to dance the first dance with 
him ; but after that, he may with propriety allow her liberty to 
select other partners, always watching, however, to see that she is 
never neglected. He must be her escort to supper, and ready at 
any moment to leave the ball-room to escort her home again. 

If a gentleman is unaccompanied by a lady, he must invite one 
of the ladies of the house for the first dance, and yield gracefully 
if she declines on the plea of want of room or' partners for all her 
guests, consenting smilingly if she requests him to lead out the 
homeliest and most awkward of her wall-flowers. 

The music must be first a march, then a quadrille, a polka, a 
waltz, a galop, and so on, with two or three round dances to each 
quadrille, until fourteen dances are completed, when another 
march announces supper. Seven to ten dances may follow supper. 
Each guest must be provided with a ball-card with a printed pro- 
gramme of the dances, and space for the engagements upon it, and 
a tiny pencil attached to it. Many ladies carry their own engage- 
ment-card ; but they must depend upon the programme for the 
order of dances. The fashion of hanging a few printed programmes 
in the room is not considered en regie. 

The supper-room must be thrown open at midnight, and remain 
open until the ball closes. It is, however, an extreme of bad taste 
and low breeding for gentlemen to cluster round the table in 
groups and remain there. It is one of the duties of the hostess to 
see that no young lady loses her supper for want of an escort to 
the supper-room. If there are no young gentlemen in the family, 
she must request one of her guests to go to the rescue of the for- 
lorn maiden. 



70 BALLS. 

I gentleman must mifl until the music has commenced before 
partner. 
A lady who decline* dancing on 1 1 1 * * pr< must 

dance no mon she hai Bald she wished to rest for that 

dance alone. 

If a Lady decline dancing with a gentlemen, it is rode for him to 
turn from her to another lady who has beard the refusal, and in- 
vite her to dance. It* the first lady has a pri< anient, he 

must seek another partner in another part of the room ; if she re- 
fuses from fatigue or a disinclination to dance that set. it is a 
compliment to her for him to remain beside her, and endeavor to 

entertain her while the dance is in progress. 

A lady should never give her bouquet, gloves, and fan to a gen- 
tleman to hold during a dance, unless he is her husband, brother, 
or escort for the evening. 

A gentleman, in waltzing with a young lady, must never encircle 
her waist until the dance actually commences, and drop his arm 
from around her as soon as the music ceases. American gentle- 
men would do well to study the waltz with a German teacher, as 
they understand more perfectly than any others the most delicato 
way of dancing this objectionable dance, and, above all, how to 
hold a lady lightly and firmly without embracing her. 

When a lady expresses a desire to sit down before the close of a 
dance, it is exceedingly rude for a gentlemen to insist upon a con- 
tinuation of the dance. He must escort he at at once, and 
then express his regret at the interrupted pleasure. She may 
with propriety release him to seek another partner, but it is a poor 
compliment for him to accept the proposal. 

A gentleman should never invite a lady to be his partner in a 
dance with which he is not perfectly familiar. It is tiresome in 
the extreme to guide a partner through a dance, and the ball- 
room is not a dancing-school for practice. 

If a gentleman takes a lady's seat during a dance, he must rise 
from it as soon as the dance is over, not waiting lor her to actually 
return to it. as she may hesitate to do it' that it is oc- 

cup'n 

No lady must enter or cross a ball-room unescoi 

No lady may refuse t<> be introduced to a gentleman at a private 
ball ; but at a public ball she may with perfect propriety refuse 



BALLS. 71 

any introduction made by the master of ceremonies, or by mere 
acquaintances. 

Confidential conversation in a ball-room is in extreme bad taste. 

Do not be too particular about dancing. Taking steps in a qua- 
drille is out of date, all the figures being executed to a graceful 
walk. 

To remain too late at a ball is not well-bred, and seems to imply 
that you are unaccustomed to such pleasures. Do not engage 
yourself, therefore, for the last two or three dances. 

No gentleman should take the vacant seat next to a lady unless he 
is acquainted with her, and not then without first asking permission. 

A gentleman must offer his arm, never his hand, to lead a lady 
to and from the dance. 

A lady must be very careful not to engage herself to two gentle- 
men for the same dance, unless, for a round dance, she states : " I 
am engaged for the first half of the waltz, but will dance the sec- 
ond part with you." In that case, she must tell her first partner 
of her second engagement, that she may not offend him when she 
takes another partner after leaving him. 

If a lady wishes to decline dancing, whether from dislike to the 
gentleman who invites her, or from whatever cause, she must 
make some excuse ; but she must never refuse point blank, nor 
must she, after having refused to dance with one gentleman, con- 
sent to dance with another. 

When introduced, it is sufficient for a gentleman to say to a lady, 
"May I have the pleasure of dancing this waltz with you, Miss 

C IV or if the lady be engaged for the first dance following the 

introduction, he may request the favor of putting his name upon 
her engagement card for another. 

A young lady should not dance more than twice with the same 
gentleman, unless she wants to be noticed, or is indifferent whether 
she be so or not. 

A lady may consult her own pleasure about recognizing a ball- 
room acquaintance at a future meeting. 

Every gentleman must make a point of inviting the ladies of the 
house to dance ; and if he be kind, he will certainly devote him- 
self — for a portion of the evening, at least — to those ladies for 
whom the May of life has bloomed and passed away, and who gen- 
erally sit round the room looking wistfully disconsolate. 



72 BALLS, 

Alter every dame following the announcement of rapper, offer 
ymir partner your arm, and invite b< oom (al a 

ball, refreshments are never handed round). Should she de< 

: ly been there, take to her ofl 

y, and, procuring ■ scat for her, thank her for the pleasure the 
dance baa afforded you. 

No lady Bhould detain her partner long in the Bupper-room ; she 
may be thus forcing hhn to be guilty of the rud sklng 

an engagement with another lady for the following dai 

No gentleman Bhould linger round the supper-tab] i 
hostess invites you to q ball to dance, and be le, not to 

haunt her rapper-room, as if you were Btan 

Avoid all absence of mind, staring, li :en- 

trieii . 

Never swing your arms about, and try to avoi I conspicu- 

ous in any way. 

Take the partner with whom you may happen to be dam 
when Bupper is announced to the supper-table, u omo 

with a gentleman, in which ease you must not usurp his ; 
If she is disengaged, escort her to a seat in th --room, if 

possible, and see that she is served with the dish< Do 

not take your own supper at the Bame time ; wait till the lad; 
finished ; then take her back to the ball-room, and repeat the pro- 
cess, if necessary, with some other lonely damsel. "When all the 
ladies have been once to the supper-room, the gentleman may 
think of their own supper. 

Cloves of white kid must be worn during the entire and 

it is well to have a fresh pair in readiness to put on after supper. 

On quitting a ball, it is not necessary to take a formal leave of 
the hostess. Indeed, it is preferable to make your departure as 
quietly as possible, in order to prevent the ethers from thinking it 
later than perhaps it is, and so breaking up the ball at an earlier 
hour than the b By desire. 

If a gentleman escorts a lady home from a ball, she is not 
obliged to invite him to enter, and if b] 0, la 1 must decline 

the invitation. lie must, however, re [nest pen.. i call the 

following day or evening, and lie must make that calL 
A gentleman in a ball-room cannot b 

the delicate frabrie worn by the ladies around him. Spurs are in 
bad taste, even if a cavalry otlicer is otherwise in full unit' 



MORNING AND EVENING r ARTIES. 73 

While one dance is in progress, it is not in good taste to make 
arrangements for another. 

It is a gross breach of etiquette on the part of either a lady or 
a gentleman to forget a ball-room engagement. 

It is not according to etiquette for married people to dance to- 
gether at either a private or a public ball. 



MOKNING AND EVENING PAETIES. 

Parties in the city comprise conversaziones, private concerts, 
private theatricals, soirees, dramatic readings, tea-parties, mat- 
inees — in fact, almost any in-door gathering together of people, 
exclusive of balls and dinner companies. 

In the country, small dancing-parties, tea-parties, and conversa- 
ziones are also comprised under the head of parties ; but the out- 
door occasions are of much greater number and variety : croquet 
parties, sailing parties, boating parties, pic-nics, private fetes, 
berrying parties, nutting parties, May festivals, Fourth of July 
festivals — in fact, anything that will give an excuse for a day 
spent in out-door frolicking. 

For a conversazione, under which head are included "Receptions" 
and " At Homes/' invitations should be sent out a week before- 
hand. Conversation is, as the name implies, the principal occupa- 
tion for the time, and where literary people are gathered together, 
or those engrossed in scientific matters, the sole one. For parties 
of young people, however, the conversazione admits of music and 
impromptu dances. 

For all small evening parties, the host and hostess remain near the 
door during the early part of the evening, to receive their guests. 
Late comers, however, must not expect to find them still nailed to 
this one spot, as, after the majority of the guests are assembled, 
their duty is to circulate round the room and entertain them. They 
should, however, be quick to observe any late arrivals, and advanc3 
to welcome them as soon as possible. As the guests enter the 
room, the hostess should advance a step or two towards them, 



7 l MORNING AND EVENING PARI 

Anally to 
new i intro- 

duce them at i 

. few 
minute 
The hostess must remain constantly am 
in and oul 

;i mark of lo 
;! bred ho tees is the one o thought 

■ Bhoul I be thrown i 
with obje< - and science P 

public note, whether for t learning, s< >r any at- 

tainment, placed upon exhibition at I 

If such a lion is invited, it is well to have other of lesser 

magnitude, to prevent too much attention being concentrated i 
on<> guest. 

If a hostess sees that a tete-a-tete coir. .lull, 

she must make it a trio by the introduction of some sprightly 
third, or change the duct by substituting another partner and 
carrying off one to introduce elsewhere. If, however, any conver- 
■ animate I :' the 

partie ;ed will thank the 1 r interruption. 

If dancing is introduc f the ball-room is also 

the etiquette for the evening party. I for the I 

provide a piani is not herself preside at the | 

excessively ill-bred to expect part of the guests to playtforthe 
remainder to dance. Many good-natured people find themselves 
thus victimized — invited " because they are alv tiling to 

play for dancing." It is a good plan in a dancing part] 

alone handed round once or even twice during the eveni 
and a hot Bupper ' all. Ices, lemon 

for 

It' 

hed 
acxOSfl the' sidewalk. 



MORNING AND EVENING PARTIES. 75 

If a party is mixed — conversation, music, and dancing, all form- 
ing a portion of the evening's entertainment— it is the part of the 
hostess to invite guests to sing and play, and she must be careful 
not to overlook any amateurs in her invitations. If a guest de- 
clines, it is in bad taste to urge the performance. If the lady of 
the house is herself a good performer, she must play or sing but 
once, and then after all others have been first invited. A guest 
should only be invited to play once, unless at a generally expressed 
desire of the remainder of the company. 

It is best for amateur performers to learn a few pieces of music 
without depending upon their notes, as, if they send or carry notes, 
it is a hint that they expect to be invited to play ; if they do not, 
they are obliged to decline when invited. 

It is excessively rude to converse loudly when any one is playing 
or singing. If your companion does not cease talking, to listen, 
converse in a very low tone, and withdraw from the immediate 
vicinity of the performer. On the other hand, if you are invited 
to play, do not wait for quiet in the room, nor exhibit any annoy- 
ance if your most exquisite passages are drowned in the buzz of 
conversation. 

A gentleman who is a good pianist may, with perfect propriety, 
offer his services to the hostess as orchestra for impromptu danc- 
ing, or may offer to relieve any lady so engaged, to allow her to 
dance. If, however, there are more ladies than gentlemen, and he 
is needed to fill up a set, he must not insist upon playing, but go 
where he is most needed. • 

Never offer to turn the leaves for any one playing unless you can 
read music rapidly ; otherwise you may confuse the performer by 
turning too soon or too late. 

Never offer to sing a second unless invited by the lady who is to 
sing also. The hostess may wish her friends to hear a duet, which 
will be disagreeable to the performers. 

Members of the same family, cousins or other relatives, should 
not keep together in general society. They can see each other on 
other occasions, and the object of parties is to promote sociality, 
not exclusiveness. 

If you are asked to play an accompaniment, do not seek to dis- 
play your own talent, but play so as to afford the best support 
possible for the voice singing. The same rule applies to a second 



74 MORNING AND EVENING PARI 

iii any instrumental duet, which is never intended bo drown the 
Bound of the I Unmeet. 

\\\ lady <•!" tli<- bouse invites any Ladj _ r or 

play, the gentleman standing I • her Bhonld oiler his arm to 

: t her t«> tin 1 piano or harp. Be should stand n«-ar her during 
the performance of the music, and, ii at, turn the lei 

of her music She may also request him to hold her gloves, bou- 
quet and fan. When she rises, he should conduct her I 

and thank her for the pleasure she has given him and others. 

It is ill-hied t > comment upon the pi , if >hockingly out 

of tune or worn out. To look a; to and decline 

playing because all your music is written for seven i pos- 

itively ii. suiting to a hostess. It" it is true, decline upon some 
other pretext. 

Private concerts and theatricals suc- 

;ul. Professional Bingers should he secured for the 
and if amateurs Bing, they must he very confident of their own 
powers before making the attempt to appear before an audit 
even of personal friends. Between tin 4 parts, con 
flow, but is rude in the extreme during the p The 

best hours are from two to six or from eight to eleven p.m. The 
rooms should be arranged so as to allow a clear space at one end 
for the performers; the guests Bhould ted, and a general 

silence prevail excepting during the ii. 
If the concert is divided into two parts, it is quite permit 
rise during tlft intermission, promenade if agreeable, meet fri* 
and change seats, being careful to be seated again when the per- 
formance re-commences. 

For private theatricals, only the best amateurs should be re- 
tained. It is very rude to talk during the acts, and while applause 
should not be too boisterous, disapproval by hissing or otherwise 
is a thing unheard of. Ices and light refreshments should be 
handed round between the acts. "Where there is no arrangement 
for a private theatre, ami where the curtain is In:: 
common. the audi* : must be 

filled with chairs I g in rows, and, if | 

A higher than the others. These O remove 

the close of the perl >r dance. 

To beat time or hum the air at a concert is in extremely bud 
taste. 



MOENING AND EVENING PARTIES. 77 

It is the part of the hostess at a private concert and private 
theatricals — which latter include charades, tableaux, proverbs, and 
dramatic readings — to arrange the programmes and apportion the 
parts, unless she appoints a stage-manager amongst her guests. 
The performers should seek to aid her by perfect good-nature in 
accepting her arrangements, and by willingness to accept any al- 
lotted part, even if distasteful or obscure. All cannot be first, and 
the performer who good-naturedly accepts a small part, and per- 
forms it well, will probably be invited to a more conspicuous posi- 
tion on the next occasion. The hostess or host must never take 
conspicuous parts, unless they are solicited to do so by all the rest 
of the corps dramatiqiie. 

Nothing but the most absolute necessity, or an excuse from some 
very grave cause, should prevent the attendance of any one who 
has undertaken a part. It is a positive insult to the rest of the 
party to inconvenience them by remaining away upon some trivial 
excuse, for the smallest part must be filled by somebody, and it is 
not easy to furnish substitutes upon such occasions. 

The hostess should consult each performer before allotting to 
them a part, and endeavor to suit each one. 

Private concerts and private theatricals should be followed by 
a supper, as they are fatiguing for the performers, and oftentimes 
as much so to the audience. 

If a party are invited to an informal dramatic reading, it is not 
necessary to divide the room, excepting by a large table, upon 
which the books are placed. The host or hostess, while endeavor- 
ing to give to each guest the most favorable opportunity to display 
their own powers, should still, if they are good readers, be ready 
to oblige their guests by reading also, carefully avoiding any at- 
tempt to outshine them. 

Matinees are usually held in the open air, in some good ground, 
in which a brass band should be playing, and plenty of good flowers 
displayed, embellished by the best dressed people it is possible to 
assemble together. There are not any introductions ; people amuse 
themselves as best they can. Luncheon may be spread in-doors, or 
upon tables under the trees, or if tents are erected, inside of these. 
Fruits, ices, salads, cold meats, confectionery — in short, any cold 
collation, with wine, tea, and coffee, should be served. Full morn- 
ing dress is most appropriate. 



7S MOBNINQ AND EVENING PARTIES. 

Croquet parties are vrry fashionable, and meet g en er al ly at 
about three p.m. The hos4 should be careful to have ins grounds 
well shaded, bis mallets, balls, and other arrangementi fin perfect 

for such g are Dot playing should 

tared about in Bhady places. Retire omenta may be handed round 
unes, or ar r ang ed at for mathx 
Within the past few years. , of entertainment of a past 

oration lias been revived in England, and some attempts have 

been made to introduce it in this country. It was, and i>. called 
the ,: Kettledrum." Tea and coffee, with bis< are 

served round from i\y^ to half-past five. Any one in the visiting 

circle of the house may go without an invitation; the dress is full 
morning dress, and the guests dance until seven o'clock. From 
them guests often goto dinner parties, and thence to balls, so that 
a man may he considered to be in ha: : i five p.m. 

to ■[ a.m.. and to be rather hardly driven, too. 

Ceremony is laid aside upon these occasions, and people act with 
greater freedom than at more formal gatheril 

In country parties, ceremony is often required, even upon occa- 
sions where more freedom of action would be desirable. Inatten- 
tion to this matter may give offence, as the hostess may fancy her- 
self slighted merely because she is not city-bred. 

Avoid in country parties treading upon delicate ground, talking 
of local squabbles, church matters, or the acknowledged feud of 
the village. 

Be punctual to the time stated for any kind of a country party, 
as one late arrival may delay the carriages, boats, or other convey- 
ances of an entire party. Many of these expeditions start at a 
very early hour, to avoid the road during the heat of the day. and 
if you accept the invitation, you must relinquish your morning 
nap and appear at the appointed time. Seek out the apon 

your arrival, and if you can in any way assist her. either by run- 
ning for tardy servants, packing luncheon hampers, arranging the 
order of vehicles, or any other IcuA duti with alaa 

Private fetes in the country correspond to matinees in town, and 
the same rules apply. 

At pic-nics, whether water or land parties, etiquette is <et at 
naught; yet the true gentleman and lady will never leave true 
courtesy and politeness at home, even if they 1 and 



MORNING AND EVENING PARTIES. 79 

ceremonies. Everybody is to enjoy the time and freedom as much 
as possible, " within the limits of becoming mirth;" yet an act of 
rudeness, a disregard of the gentle and delicate attentions of so- 
ciety, will never increase the pleasure. 

Gentlemen at pic-nics must consent to become waiters, guides, 
servants to the ladies ; must " scale mountains," climb trees, per- 
form any feats desired by the fair tyrants, if they fancy " that 
lovely flower," or " exquisite bunch of sea- weed," in impossible-to- 
get-at places. If on a fishing party, it is the gentlemen's place to 
bait the hooks for the fair anglers, to assist them in landing their 
prey, to find them shady nooks for seats, and in every way to assist 
them. If nutting or berrying are the objects of the party, the 
gentlemen must climb the nut-trees, seek out the berry-bushes, 
carry double allowances of baskets and kettles, and be ready for 
any assistance required in climbing fences or scrambling over 
rocks. By the way, the etiquette for climbing a fence is for the 
gentleman to go over as gracefully as possible, turn his back upon 
the lady, and not look round until she claims his hand to spring 
from the topmost bar. She will not thank him if he insists upon 
shoving her over first, or watches her while she climbs up. 

Boisterous dejjortment is not in good taste. Even the most 
romping games may be conducted as becomes ladies and gentle- 
men, not as clowns. Couples should avoid straying too long or too 
far from their companions. 

Even if the luncheon or dinner is spread on the grass, or eaten 
out of a basket, gentlemen will see to the comfort of the ladies 
before eating themselves, and, need I say, the freedom from the re- 
straints of the table affords no excuse for gluttony or rudeness of 
any description. 

On returning from a pic-nic, the thanks of the party are due to 
the originators of it, and should be paid by each one before the 
company disperses. 

Singing a comic song is a dangerous experiment, as you may be 
personal without intending it. An English lady of rank, speaking 
of an evening party, says : " At an evening party, given expressly 
in honor of a distinguished lady of color, we heard a thoughtless 
amateur dash into the broadly comic, but terribly appropriate ' nig- 
ger ' song of c Sally, Come Up.' Before he had got through the 
first verse, he had perceived his mistake, and was so overwhelmed 



80 v.v/.v; .1:. fJTO PARI 

with shame thai he could scarcely preserve sufficient presence of 
mind to carry him through to the end. ' 

A modern writer of talenl says: "Your pleasure at any party 
will depend far more noon what you take with yon into the mom 
than open what yon find there. Ambition, vanity. pride, will all 
go with I d yon will probably carry them all heme again, 

witli the additional burden of disappointment 
all gratified, you will know that othen :i if 

envious of you. To :_ r, > with a sincere desire t<> please others by 

amiability, good-nature and sympathy will probably result in your 
own popularity, and if yon entirely forget yourself, you will b 

tonished to find how much others insist upon remembering you." 
If at any morning or evening party you meet a distinguished 

jznest, it is ill-bred to follow him fi place to another, listen- 

ing to every word he utters, and making him have the imoomfort- 
ahle sensation of being 'stared at.*' 

Impromptu charades are a very popular amusement at the pi 
ent day. at both in-door and out-door parties. If you have no 
talent for them, you will only confuse others and make you 
appear absurd by insisting upon taking a part : but even if you 
are dull, do not refuse your a^-si^tance if it is really required, try- 
ing, by tact and modesty, to cover up any deficiency in wit or 
talenl 

The best rule for the management of parties, be they in-door or 
out-door, morning or evenim:. city or country l e av e r to 

find out the wishes of the majority of the nue>N and act upon that 
knowledge. To force a large party of people to listen to auk- 
ward, bungling charades, because two or three amateur actor- 
sire to " show off," proves a want of tact in the hostess; to allow 
a few young people to guide the entertainments in a lare;e assem- 
bly of older ami graver ones, is in equally bad taste; it U 
course, better to assemble toother as fir as possible only t: 
who are likely to be congenial and interested in the same snbj 
but this is not always possible, and where the company is mixed, 
the republican spirit should preside, and tip ty rule."' 

One word of warning to all who cr\yo parties. You can m 
tell what ruin may be commencing when you urge wines or intox- 
icating beverages upon your young be the Bn 
Stimulate the appetite; you may renew a passion that has been 



VISITING. 81 

subdued ; you may turn a wavering will from the hardly gained 
resolution to abstain. There are instances, not a few, but many, 
where the love of liquor, conquered and subdued, has been re- 
vived in fiercest heat by cordials, brandied peaches, wine-sauces, 
and similar apparently innocent refreshments. It is better to ap- 
pear mean than to tempt to ruin, and in these days of temperance 
movements, no lady will be censured or misunderstood who ban- 
ishes every drop of intoxicating liquor from her table. 



, VISITING. 

Never pay any visit upon a general invitation. The Spanish 
hidalgo, who declares to you that his house, lands, all that he has, 
are yours, would be greatly surprised if you appropriated any of 
his things. It is the same thing, more or less, with people else- 
where who give people general invitations to take up their quarters 
in their houses. 

There are instances of visits of a month's duration being made 

upon the invitation, " If you visit B , I hope that you will not 

forget that I reside there, and will be very happy to see you." 
Yet, even where friends are not newly made, but of long stand- 
ing, it is best not to pay visits unless by special invitation. A 
thousand events may occur to render it inconvenient for one friend 
to have company that cannot be known to another, hundreds of 
miles, perhaps, away. If a friend really desires to extend hospital- 
ity to another, she will send her an invitation, which can be ac- 
cepted with the prospect of mutual convenience and pleasure. 

Even in travelling, if you are unexpectedly detained in a city 
where you have friends, do not drive to their house uninvited. Go 
first to a hotel, and let them know of your arrival, leaving it op- 
tional with them to extend hospitality. To drive at once to the 
house, with your baggage, forces an invitation, which may cause 
much annoyance and inconvenience, even if they are really glad 
to see you, and it also renders you liable to be accused of mean- 



82 VJUUI& 

ness and I desire to lave your hotel bill. If you arc afraid your 
is will fee] hurt if you do Dot " m 

: ite t" them i 
• you as y ■• ith relal 

■ [■ to announce your i >ming, thai your l i ar- 

and household an to leave her time 
really enjoy your \ 

A Bpecial iir and no 

not mentioned should go. is a proverb 

thai will :- (, > apply in Buch cases. A person who is invited to visit 

friend's h< I at liberty to bring children and servants 

who were not included in the invitation. A wife may, of course, 

accompany her husband, unless there be special -the con- 

trary, and a husband must always have the opportunity of accom- 
panying his wife, or joining her. 

If the length of your visit is not specified in your invitation, a 
week is a good limit lor your stay. At all events, make a move at 
the end of that time, and if you are invited t iiger, and 

know that it is convenient for you to do so, the time can then be 
definitely decided upon. 

When you receive an invitation by letter, answer it at the earl 
possible moment, and say decidedly whether you accept or 
decline it. To leave your friends in doubt may prevent the 
Same invitation being extended to others. As soon as possible 
after accepting an invitation, write and let your friends know by 
"what train to expect you. and keep yotu that you 

may not keep any one waiting for you at the station for nothing. 
If you are unavoidably detained, write or telegraph and say so, 
naming another hour for your arrival. 

In inviting a friend to pay you a visit, name a season when 
will you will be able to devote most of your time to their enter- 
tainment. Have always a room devoted especially to your guest, 
and be sure that no one intrudes there without a special invits 
and Before 

thf arrival ol a ... that the room is in perfect 

:-. well warmed if in winter, if in summer; 

let there be every convenience for bath an - and 

e un- 
packing. Have always a feather bed and mattress, both feather 



VISITING. 83 

and hair pillows upon the bed, that your guest may have the choice. 
Many prefer feathers in the warmest weather, others a mattress 
even in winter. Let the fire, in winter, be made every morning 
before your guest rises, and keep a good supply of fuel in the 
room. 

It is the duty of the host to send a carriage to the depot to meet 
an expected visitor, and if possible to go himself. After a warm 
welcome, show the guest at once to the room prepared, and give 
ample time for a bath and change of dress, if it is in the day time. 
If the arrival is late in the evening, have a substantial supper pre- 
pared, and then allow the traveller to retire, being careful that on 
the first arrival the breakfast can be ready at a late hour, that your 
friend may not be disturbed to breakfast with the family. 

It is the duty of the hostess to share the meals of a guest, no 
matter how irregular ; but any truly polite person will pay strict 
attention to the customary meal times. 

When staying with friends, endeavor as much as possible to con- 
form to their regular habits. Be punctual at meal times. Ascer- 
tain over-night the hour for breakfast, and be particular to be 
dressed in time for it. * After breakfast, it is customary to leave 
visitors to their own devices, unless some special arrangement is 
made for the forenoon ; but the hostess should introduce her 
guests to the piano, billiard-table, portfolios library — any device 
for passing time at her command ; and the visitor should accept 
this hint, and expect no further attention during the forenoon. 

It is, however, the duty of the host and hostess to accompany 
their guests to any points of interest in their city or neighborhood, 
to accompany them if they desire to do any shopping, and if they 
have any special habit, as rising late, napping in the afternoon, or 
other little self-indulgence, to see that they are never disturbed 
in it. 

It is also a kindly courtesy, if your friends have acquaintances 
in the city beside yourself, to inform them of their arrival, even if 
strangers to yourself, and invite them to call, dine, or take tea 
during the visit. If you give your guests a party, you must invite 
all their friends in the city, even if they are strangers to yourself. 
Invite them in your guest's name, enclosing your own invitation in 
theirs. 

Host and hostess should give up as much of their time as pos- 



M V/S/T/H 

sihle to thoir guests, and should S66 tliat they aro amused and taken 
oC It is a mistake, however, to suppose that visitors require 
stent attention, and they . i h"i:i \ be careful not to 

which sai uiD often 

\t such circumstances long f< mu- 

i 
The truest courtesy is for tt 
much at home as possible, and for the turn tin b 

household as Little as possible. 
Where a lady is visiting, she may with perfect propriety offer to 
t her hostess in her household duties or fan. at if 

she declines, it is bad taste to insist. She should, however, leave 
her hostel for such duties in the morning, being always 

ready to join her in the sitting-room when she ;re. 

It is a graceful way to acknowledge the kindn- 
to work whilst with her upon some piece of embroidery, a piano- 
cover, a sofa-cushion, or some article of dress, which you present 
to her when finished as a memento of your visit. 

For a guest to make outside engagements, disregard the meal 
times, visit without consulting the host or hostess, is to treat the 
house of a friend as if it were a hotel, and is rude, but 

positively insulting. 

Ii is best, if you are visiting a lar?;e city, and desire to do shop- 
ping or to transact business, to select the hours when you know 
your entertainers are otherwise eniia^cd for such bui I not 

tax them to accompany you, unless they have similar atlairs re- 
quiring: attention, when it may be pleasanter to have company. 

Neither hostess nor guest may accept any invitations which do 
not include the other. 

If either hostess or visitor is in mourning the other must de- 
i all invitations during the visit. giving that as a reason. It is 
always accepted in society as sufficient excu 

If any sudden trouble comes i'.t<» a h<>u^> where you ar 
try t i irvice. Let your friend feel thai you hi 

her for gayety alone, but are glad to gym] able, 

kness or death come. Bhare the nn ■ the 

host family cares, if \\ '.^ only tas ■ 1:11- 

into your own room or out for a walk; be ready to do the 
shopping required for mourning, and take away ainful de- 



VISITING. g5 

tail you can. There is no comfort so great as a really useful sym- 
pathizing friend in times of trouble ; yet if relatives come and re- 
- quire rooms, if you find you are a restraint and can be of no use, 
it is the truest kindness to shorten your visit, and leave the mourn- 
ers free to comfort each other. 

When visiting, never depend upon your host for writing or sew- 
ing materials ; but it is a delicate attention for you, if hostess, to 
have your guest's room amply supplied with both. 

It is extremely rude for visitors to make comparisons between 
the house at which they are visiting and others where they have 
enjoyed hospitality. To inform your hostess indirectly that her 
house, furniture, table, or servants are inferior to those of other 
friends, is insulting, and it is as much so to cast the slur upon the 
first house visited by vaunting the superiority of the second. 

To a certain extent, use your friend's servants as your own — 
wholly so as far as your own personal wants require their services. 
Ask for whatever you want in your own room, and give any requi- 
site directions to the servant who waits upon you. Do not trouble 
the mistress of the house with matters which in your own house 
you would give to a servant. At the same time, avoid being 
troublesome ; put out your own washing, and any extra work you 
require done, and never call upon the servants at hours when they 
are otherwise employed. 

If you are unfortunate enough during a visit to injure any 
article of furniture in your own room, have it repaired or replaced 
at once at your own expense. 

It is a graceful compliment for a gentleman during a visit to 
bring flowers, fruit, books, or confectionery occasionally to the 
hostess, and a lady friend will be gratefully remembered if she is 
kind to the children. 

If a gift is made, it must be to the hostess, or if there are sev- 
eral children, to the youngest. If children are over twelve years 
old, it is better to give any present to the mother ; but you will 
never give offence by a gift to the baby. A gentleman may give 
f liver or baby jewelry, and a lady a piece of handsome needle- 
work. You may be sure the parents will find no fault with this 
acknowledgment of their hospitality. 

Always hold yourself at the disposal of those in whose house 
you are staying. If they propose to ride, drive, walk, or other- 



86 v/s/i/xg. 

wIm occupy tho day, yon most t ike it for granted that those plans 

b to 3 our enjo; JTou sh<>ui 

then with cheerfulness ami enter into them with alacrity, doing 
your best to seem pleased, and be pleased by I 
tain yen. Never mind 

driven to " Bee the 11 l<>ur in.l«-.s I'roin 1 

or you have paid a dosen pn i " that beautiful a 

full just above the lafce ." yon moat And a new 
a new point to sketch every time you _ 

It is not expected thai the host or hostess can the entire 

to guests* Sir Wall - conduct towards his quests at 

Abbotsford furnishes a model of hospitality. He never saw them 
till dinner; but whilst he was busily engaged in writing, he left 
his house, servants, carriage and grounds at their entire 

disposal. 

Byron gives a perfect picture of guest life at a country house : 

* 4 The gentlemen got up betimes to shoot, 

Or hunt ; the young-, because they liked the sport— 

The tirst thing boys like, alter play and fruit ; 
The middle-aged, to make the day more short ; 

For ennui is a growth of English root, 

Though nameVss in our language — ire retort 

The fact for words, and let the I date 

That awful yawn which sleep cannot abate. 

"The elderly walked through the library, 

And tumbled books, or criticized the pictures, 

Or sauntered through the | ■ i s 1 y , 

And made upon the hot -house Beveral strictures; 

Or rode a nag which trotted not too high, 

Or in the morning papers read their lectures ; 

Or on the watch their longing eyes would fix, 

Longing at sixty for the Lour of six. 

" But none were ' gene ;' the trreat hour of union 
"\V.is run: by dinner's km 11 ! till then all were 

Hasten Oi their own time — or in communion, 
( >r solitary, 

The hours, which fc h known. 

Bachl up at his own, and had to spare 

What tin: 

"When, where, and DOW lie | 

In this country, hospitality ifl hut seldom Conducted on the ta 
broad <sible at ; b country residence ; but, as far 



VISITING. 87 

as possible, it is better to allow guests perfect liberty for breakfast 
hour and morning employments. 

Great discretion must be used among guests to avoid all criti- 
cism on their host, his friends, his household, his manner of living, 
and all that concerns him. If anything goes wrong during the 
visit, one should seem not to see it. If the dinner is late, it is 
very impolite to appear impatient. If any plan falls to the ground, 
no comments or disapproval must be indulged in, and no disap- 
pointment betrayed. If the children of the house are fractious, 
or noisy, or ill-bred, a visitor must never find fault with their be- 
havior. 

The same caution must be exercised in the treatment of your 
friend's friends. They may be such as you do not care to become 
intimate with ; but you must not evince dislike or special avoid- 
ance, and must always have recourse rather to a negative than a 
positive line of conduct. A person of tact can always keep people 
at a distance without hurting their feelings. 

Your host's horses, carriages, books, and grounds should be 
even more carefully used than if they were your own. A good- 
natured man will delight in seeing his visitors enjoy all the good 
things he places at their disposal ; but they should not abuse his 
indulgence. To ride a horse too far or too fast, to dog's-ear cr 
blot the books in the library, to gather choice and favorite flowers, 
are all signs of an under-bred and selfish nature. Above all, wo 
should be thoughtful in our treatment of the servants, never com- 
menting upon their shortcomings, or scolding them. 

The religious opinions, especially of those from whom we are re- 
ceiving hospitality, must on no account be shocked, scoffed at, or 
in any way treated with a want of respect. If our friends go 
regularly to church, we should accompany them there ; or, with- 
out remark, repair to the place of worship most agreeable to our 
own religious convictions. If family prayers are read, we should 
endeavor to be present. If silent grace is the custom at meal 
times, our heads must also bow, and a short mental prayer be said. 
If the Sunday is observed with great strictness, we should refrain 
from any pursuits to which objection could possibly be made, even 
if they appear to ourselves perfectly proper and innocent. In 
short, we must remember that for the time the feelings and preju- 
dices of the host and hostess are our own. 



88 8TBEMT BTIQUM1 

There is no occasion when U is more necessary bo rimninlui that 
Bocial Intercourse li made up of innumerable Little acts of kind- 
self-denial, charity, chivalry, and good-fellowship, than when 
a number of people find themselves thrown together fbr compan- 
ionship in the house of some mutual friend. 

Letters delivered in the presence of the 1 or when 

the other guests are prof ant, must not be opened until the receiver 
asks permission to read them. 

A lady may never offer to pay any of the expenses incurred by 
taking her aboui — carriage hire, Bteamboat fares, or such outlay — 
nor must a gentleman d<> so unless he is the only gentleman of the 
party. It will then be well for the hostess, before starting, to hand 
him the necessary tickets previously purchased. 

When a guest is ready to leave you, be sure thai the trunks are 
strapped and ticketed, a carriage ready in good season, a luncheon 
prepared for refreshment upon the join icy. a substantial meal 
ready in good season for comfortable enjoyment of it, and the de- 
parture made as pleasant as possible. 

" Welcome the coming, speed the parting guest." It is the first 
duty of the guest, after returning home, to write to the host or 
hostess, expressing the pleasure derived from the visit, and men- 
tioning each member of the family by name, desiring to be re- 
membered to all. 



STREET ETIQUETTE. 

AViiex a gentleman recognizes a friend in the course of his walk, 
he must lift his hat with the hand farthest from him. Lifting the 
hat is a sufficient recognition between gentlemen ; but in meeting 
a lady, an old gentleman, or a clergyman, it is necessary to DOW 
also. 

If a gentleman wishes to shake hands with a friend, he must lift 
his hat with the left hand, leaving the right free to extend. \- 
must he give his left hand, or extend a portion of the right. The 
whole right hand is m rtalr. 



STREET ETIQUETTE. 89 

A lady must recognize a gentleman, by bowing, before he is at 
liberty to acknowledge an acquaintance with her. Should she 
bow, he must lift his hat and bow also. If he is sufficiently bar- 
barous to have a cigar in his mouth, he must remove it while bow- 
ing to a lady. 

If a gentleman is walking with a lady, he should insist upon 
carrying any book, parcel, or umbrella she may have with her. 

No gentleman may smoke when walking with a lady. He should 
even decline to do so though he may be asked to continue smoking. 

Should a lady stop a gentleman to speak, she must make a slight 
inclination of the head as a token of dismissal, and he must accept 
it as such, bow, and leave her. 

No lady will be guilty of the vulgarity of sucking the head of 
her parasol in the street. 

To eat anything, even confectionery, in the street, is a sign of 
low breeding. 

A gentleman must give a lady, an old gentleman, or clergyman 
with whom he may be walking, the upper side (nearest the houses) 
of the pavement. 

If a gentleman meets a lady friend who is walking with any one 
he does not know, he must not stop, nor must he stop if his com- 
panion is unacquainted with a lady friend whom he may chance to 
meet. The lady, however, has a perfect right to do as she likes. 
If she should stop, the strangers must be introduced, and none of 
the group should go on and wait, whether the introduction be 
agreeable or not. 

A lady should avoid walking very rapidly. It is very ungrace- 
ful and unbecoming. 

Swinging the arms is an awkward and ill-bred habit. 

For a lady to run across the street, to avoid a carriage passing, 
is not only ill-bred, but exceedingly dangerous. 

To attempt to cross the street between the carriages of a funeral 
procession is rude and disrespectful ; and we cannot but commend 
the foreign custom of removing the hat, and standing in a respect- 
ful attitude until the melancholy train has passed. 

When a gentleman is walking alone, he must always turn aside 
to give the upper side of the pavement to a lady, to any one carry- 
ing a heavy load, to a clergyman, or to an old gentleman. 

Never push violently through a crowd. If a gentleman or lady 



90 . . . e. 

La really In haste, a few i irords will open a passage more 

>us poshlnj 

IT . . atleman offers an um- 

•pt it if he | her- 

aelf <'ti(iuette 

Of the DB - her 

bination. No lady i 

cline it firmly, but politely. 

lette. 

If a gentleman and lady are obliged to cross a narrow walk, 

... or slippery place, Lhe lady may go iirst . and the gentleman 

walk close behind her. to aid her if needful. If the place is sh<>:t. 

then the gentleman should go first, and then offer his hand to as- 

the lady across. If a gentleman meet a lady or old gentleman 

at such a crossing, he may, with perfect propri m in 

crossing, even if perfect strangers to him. 

A gentleman most hold his hat in his hand if he stops to inquire 

TO way. or to direct another. 

If a gentleman sees a lady alone hesitating at a had crossing, or 

leaving a carriage at an awkward place, he may offer his hand to 

t her in crossing <>r alighting, raise his hat, bow, and pass on. 

A lady may, with perfect propriety, accept such e from a 

stranger, thanking him. and returning his bow. 

If a lady leaves an omnibus or car alone, the srentleman nearest 
loor should alight, assist her out. and enter the omnibmi again. 
Gentlemen should always pass up the fare of ladies in an om- 
nibus 

A lady is not expected to recognize any acquaintance on the op- 
posite side of the street. 

In a public conveyance, a gentleman should offer his seat to any 

lady who Is standing, and the lady should thank him audibly for 

the courtesy. To turn his back upon her at onee. and thus force 

her to accept the courtesy in silei.ee or shout her thanks, is rude. 

I is a sufficient acknowledgment. 

!. iud talking and laughing in tj. are sure sijrns of vul- 

ity. 

a<-k after any one passing ; it is extremely ill-bred. 
Staring is a mark of low breed: 



STREET ETIQUETTE. 91 

Whispering in a public conveyance is excessively rude. 
Never call out loudly to an acquaintance who may be passing. 
" Cutting " is to be avoided, if possible. There are other ways 
of convincing a man that you will not know him ; yet, to young 
ladies, it is sometimes the only means available to rid them of a 
troublesome acquaintance. Cutting consists in publicly ignoring, 
by deed, and, if need be, by word, the acquaintance of the offensive 
person. A stiff bow will usually effect the desired object ; if not, 
a purposed non-recognition will probably succeed. It must be a 
very bad case where it is necessary to tell one you "have not the 
pleasure of an acquaintance " with them. A gentleman must 
never, under any circumstances, cut a lady ; an unmarried lady 
may not cut a married one, nor a young man an old one. 

George IV., when Prince of Wales, once cut Beau Brummell, 
with whom he had quarrelled. The pair met in St. James-street, 
each walking with a companion ; the companions stopped to speak, 
but the Prince did not see Brummell. The latter, to be revenged, 
and knowing the horror the Prince had of being considered cor- 
pulent, said to his companion, in a stage whisper, before the others 
were out of ear-shot, " Who is your fat friend 1" 

On meeting and passing people in the street, keep to your right 
hand, except when giving the upper side of the pavement as be- 
fore mentioned. 

Let a lady walking with a gentleman have always the upper side 
of the pavement, even if he changes sides at every turning. 

Young persons, meeting elderly friends in the street, should 
wait for a recognition before speaking, and then bow respectfully. 
To nod carelessly at an old person is rude, if not actually insulting. 
If you meet two gentlemen in the street, and wish to speak to 
one of them, apologize to the other, and make the detention as 
brief as possible. 

If a gentleman is about to enter or to leave a store, and meets a 
lady in the door- way, he must stand aside, raise his hat, and wait 
for her to pass. If the door is closed, and she is going the same 
way as himself, he must pass before her, bow, saying, " Pewnit 
me," or " allow me to open the door," open it, and hold it open 
until she has passed. 

A gentleman walking with a lady should endeavor to accommo- 
date his steps to hers, not force her to stride along or trot with 
short steps or his long ones. 



Qgj STREET ETIQUETTE, 

Etiquette is too often disregarded Ko that grand aim ol most 

ladle ons on the street — shopping. True politeness will 

Lead a lady to pay some attention to tin* feelings of the clerks and 

women in attendance, and they are quick to oba lady- 

and who are not, In their intercourse with them. 

Do nd. 

Ask for what you want as explicit!} I do not : 

the time of the attendants by examining fifty things >u do 

not want. 

If you <h> not Intend ko purchase goods, bat wish to examine 

(hem for future selections, say so. 

Never try to cheapen goods. If the price is too high for tlie 
quality (»tl'ere<l, or will not suit your purse, look elsewhere for 
what will better suit you. 

Do not stand hesitating at a counter. Make up your mind 
quickly, or leave the store to make your decision, even if you re- 
turn again. 

Be careful not to injure goods by handling. 

Never ask for patterns without apologizing for the trouble, and 
not then unless you really intend to return for the goods, as when 
you are shopping for a friend, or wish for the judgment or taste 
of another person. 

Never give unnecessary trouble. 

It is best to have all bundles sent home; they are awkward ad- 
ditions to a walking-dress, and boys are kept for that purpose in 
ail well-arranged stores. 

Never keep a clerk waiting while you chat with a friend. If 
you desire to speak with your acquaintances, stand aside, that the 
clerk may understand he is released for the time, and free to wait 
upon other customers. 

Never call away a clerk who is waiting upon some one else. 
Wait, if you have business -with an especial clerk, until you 
that he is disengaged. 

Sneering remarks upon goods is rude in the extreme. If they 
do "not suit you, you are not obliged to buy them; but spare 
your comments. 

Lounging over a counter is ill-bred. 

Tutting your elbows on a counter is rude. 

Pushing aside another person is an act of ill-breeding. 



STREET ETIQUETTE. 93 

You must never take hold of a piece of goods another person is 
examining. Wait until it is replaced upon the counter, when you 
are at liberty to take it up. * 

Stage asides or whispering in a store are rude. 

It is rude to interrupt friends you may meet in a store, to ask 
their attention to your purchases, before they have finished mak- 
ing their own, It is as rude to offer your opinion, unasked, upon 
their judgment or taste in selection of goods. 

A gentleman walking with two ladies may offer an arm to each 
of them, and they may thus sandwich him if they wish ; but under 
no circumstances may a lady take the arms of gentlemen at each 
side of her. 

If a gentleman is walking with two ladies in a rain-storm, and 
there is but one umbrella, he should give it to his companions and 
walk outside. Nothing can be more absurd than to see a gentle- 
man walking between two ladies holding an umbrella, which per- 
fectly protects himself, and sends little streams of water from 
every point on the dresses of the ladies he is supposed to be shel- 
tering. 

It is in bad taste to talk of personal matters in the street, or to 
call loudly the names of persons you may mention. It is impossi- 
ble to say who may be near to you. To discuss friends by name 
in a public conveyance of any kind is rude in the extreme. 

If you meet a friend with whom you wish to shake hands, never 
put out your own until you are quite near, as nothing looks more 
awkward than hands extended to grasp each other two or three 
yards apart. 

Never turn a corner at full speed, or you may find yourself 
knocked down or knocking down another by the violent contact. 

Never bow from a store to a person on the street, or from the 
street to a person in a store. 

Never talk politics or religion in a public conveyance. 

Never stop to quarrel with a hack-driver. Pay his fare, and 
dismiss him ; if you have any complaint to make, take his number, 
and make it to the proper authorities. To keep a lady standing 
while you are disputing with a hack-man is extremely rude. 

It is a sign of ill-breeding to change your seat in a car or om- 
nibus. If you are unfortunate enough to have a neighbor who is 
positively annoying and unendurable, it is better to get out and 



94 BIDtNQ AND l>JC/v/:. 

take Mm nest conveyance khan to more to the other side. A gen- 
tleman may in >wded Bid Left comparatively 

f ; bill B lady should not #!<> tliis. 
In a city, or in any lonely place, a lady DO 

if possible, I but 

often to positive* danger. It is very much the CUStOM in -mall 
country places for two ladies to take evening walks; but it is bet- 
ter to have the protection of a gentleman i; ant. 

It is better for a lady to decline entering a car or an omnibus 
that is already full. She must either stand Dporforce BOOM polite 
gentleman to do so. It is better to wait lor the next conveyance. 



RIDING AND DRIVING. 

Tin-; rale of the road, botli in riding and driving, is always to — 
<; Keep to the right, as the law directs." 

In inviting a lady to ride, if a gentleman cannot offer the use of 
his own ho rse s, or the lady does not name a b which she 

has been accustomed, he must be careful to s< 1 oved 

gentleness, and trained to the side-saddle and riding-aid 
exceedingly dangerous to allow a lady to mount a horse which may 
be entirely strange to a lady's hand or habit; and it is not well to 
trust this important matter to a livery-stable keeper or servant. 

A gentleman most be punctual to the appointed time, as it is 
disagreeable for a lady to sit waiting in-doora in a riding-habit. 
The lady, too. must exercise strict punctuality, that the horses 
may not become restive from long standing. 

of his fair companion, th man must 

line the entire furniture of her DO! 
the limine- I of the rup- 

leather, guard of any buckle allowing a to: ... 

of leather to Blip, sec that the curb, bridle, headstall, and 
in perfect order j for the <>no 

oi these breaks or Blips. Leaving these matters to the Mable-nien 



RIDING AND DRIVING. 95 

entirely, is unsafe, as the constant handling of the harness is apt 
to make them careless in fastening and testing it. 

It is the duty of the gentleman to see the lady comfortably 
seated in the saddle before he mounts himself. Having first asked 
permission, he leads her to the horse. A groom should not be al- 
lowed to render any assistance, if a gentleman is present, except- 
ing to hold the horse's head. The lady stands, with her skirt 
gathered in her left hand, on the near side of the horse, her right 
hand on the pommel of the saddle, and her face turned towards 
the horse's head. The gentleman should stand at the horse's 
shoulder, lacing the lady, and stoop so that her left foot may rest 
in his hand. When the lady makes a spring, the gentleman should, 
with gentle firmness, steadily and promptly help her foot up ; and 
when she is in the saddle, he should put her foot in the stirrup, and 
smooth her skirt. It requires some practice to properly assist a 
lady into the saddle. If the hand is not perfectly steady, it is very 
unpleasant, and any jerking motion is not only disagreeable, but 
positively dangerous. 

After the lady is in the saddle, her escort should stand beside 
her until she has arranged her skirt, got a firm foothold in the 
stirrup, and has her reins and whip in order. He may then mount 
his own horse, and take his position on the lady's right. 

In riding with two ladies, if both are good horsewomen, the 
gentleman should ride to the right of both ; but if they are inex- 
perienced, it is better for him to ride between them, to be ready 
to assist them if necessary. 

A lady must always give the pace. 

A gentleman must never touch a lady's horse unless she actually 
requires his aid ; but he should be very watchful and ready for the 
most prompt attention if it is needed. 

If a gentleman on horseback meet a lady who is walking, and 
stops to speak to her, he must dismount until she bows and leaves 
him: 

A gentleman must go forward whenever a gate is to be opened, 
or an obstruction to be removed, and clear the way for the lady ; 
he must leap first when there is a fence or ditch to be crossed ; he 
must pay all tolls ; must first test any dangerous-looking place, 
and must try to select the most desirable roads. 

In dismounting, a gentleman must offer a lady his right hand, 



RIDING AND DRIVING. 

taking her left, and using bis own left as a stop for her foot, de- 
clining it gent] from the caddie, and before 
she sprin from the rard, but 
1 will often oonfnse ■ gentlei 

t0 WU >]'.) ! 

sort 

No gentlemen wiH force a lad] bo rid And 

Beanie, by an endeavor to display his own horsemanship. 

A gentleman mnsl be careful to protect his lady companion from 
tli" dust and mud, as for as possible; and if there is a choice of 
side for shade, he may, with propriety, ride upon her left, or fall 
a little behind her, to allow her to take advantage of it. 

In riding with an elderly gentlemen, a younger man shoefld ex- 
tend all tbo courtesies of the road, the shady side, the choice of 

1. the choice also of direction, and, if there be a di 
the best horse. 

In a carriage, where a coachman is outside, the seat on the right 
band, facing the horses, is the seat of honor, and should be given 
to a lady, an elderly gentleman, or the gn 

In entering a carriage, be careful that your back is towards tbo 
feat you wish to occupy. 

The seat facing the horses is always left by gentleman for ladies. 
If a lady and gentleman alone enter a carriage together, the gen- 
tleman must take the seat opposite to the lady, unless she invites 
him to sit beside her. 

A gentleman be should careful, in entering a carriage, not to 
trample upon ladies' dresses, shut their shawls in the door, or 
commit any other gaucheries. It is quite an art to enter or leave 
a carriage gracefully. 

In quitting a carriage, a gentleman mud oven though 

he may have to trouble the ladies by stepping across the car: 
and ho should then help the ladies to alight, taking care not to al- 
low the wheel to BOil their dresses. If there !>.> ; 

with the carriage, a gentleman will allow him to lower U 

and hold the door open ; but lie must i him to 

help the ladies otit while lie hims by. 

A gentleman will always convey the orders of the ladies to the 

coachman. 

If the carriage is driven by the gentleman himself, there are 
many little points of etiquette which demand attention. 



RIDING AND DRIVING. 97 

When a gentleman is about to take a lady, an older gentleman, 
or a guest to drive, he must drive as close as possible to the mount- 
ing block or curb, head his horse towards the middle of the road, 
and back his buggy or wagon slightly, separating the fore and 
hind wheels as much as possible. This is especially necessary 
when a lady is to ascend to the wagon, as it gives space for her 
dress to avoid the contact of the wheels, and allows room for the 
driver to tuck her dress in after she is seated. It is best to have 
always a carriage-blanket to cover entirely the skirt of a lady's 
dress, that the mud of the road may not splash it. 

When there is a post, it is always safest to hitch the horse se- 
curely, and give both hands to the lady's service. Never allow the 
horse to stand without some hold upon him ; if there is no post, 
the reins must be held firmly in one hand, while the other assists 
the lady. 

No gentleman will shoiv off his driving, if he finds his compan- 
ion timid. He will adopt the pace most agreeable to her, even if 
it condemns him to a funeral slowness. 

It is courtesy for the owner of a wagon, when driving a gentle- 
man friend, to offer him the reins, but the offer should never be ac- 
cepted. If, when driving a long distance, with a hard-mouthed 
horse, the companion can really relieve a tired driver, it is then 
both courteous and kind to offer to take the reins for a time ; but 
it is not etiquette so to offer under any other circumstances. 

If you offer a seat in a private carriage to any friends you may 
meet w^hilst abroad, you must accompany them to their destina- 
tion, no matter how far it may be out of your own way. 

For a gentleman, when driving with a lady, to put his arm across 
the back of the seat, around her, is a piece of impertinence which 
any well-bred lady will very justly resent. 

If offered a seat in the carriage of a gentleman friend, you 
should motion him to be seated first ; but if he stands aside for 
you, bow, and precede him. 

After assisting a lady to her seat, be certain that hex parasol, 
shawl, and fan are all conveniently placed for her use before you 
take your own seat. Allow her all the space you can, and be es- 
pecially careful that the motion of your arms does not incommode 
her. 

If a lady wishes to leave a carriage, and the gentleman remains 



RIDING AND DRIVING. 

in it to wail her return, he musi alight I her out, and also 

when sin* entei i if he resum* i ring her 

It is a graceful act to leave a carriage in I .nor. In 

u r ladies arc instructed in the manm ring 

ing a carriage. .M. .M. ador 

< f the last century, tell ■ of the in 

i ■;' this. Il«' The Princess of Hcsse-I>ar] 

been desired by the Em] Austria to bring her three daugh- 

to court, in order that her [mperial Mi i one 

of them for a wife to one of her sons. drove ach to the 

palace gate. 

11 Scarcely had they entered the presence, when 
speaking to them, the Empress went up te ood dauaghter, 

and, taking her by the hand, said: ' I choose this young lady.' 

"The mother, astonished at the Buddennesi of l ■. in- 

quired what had actuated her. 

"'I watched the young ladies get out of their can':;. 
the Empress. 'Your eldest daughter Btepped on her dress, and 
only saved herself from falling by an awkward scramble ; the 
youngest jumped from the coach to the ground, without touching 
the steps; the second, just lifting her dress in frost, • de- 

scended to show the point of her ^hoe, calmly 
carriage to tin 4 ground, neither hurriedly nor stiffly, but i 
and dignity. She is lit to he an empress. Her eld 
awkward ; her youngest, too wild/ " 

Riding and driving arc accomplishments in which it is very de- 
sirable for all ladies and gentlemen to be proficient. To ride well, 

must be taught early, and have practice. Like BWJBBSi 
riding cannot he learned from theoretical teaching. 

Lord Herbert, of Cherbury, says: ' A good ride- 
horse, is as much above himself and others as the world can n 
him." 



TEA YELLIXG. 99 



TRAVELLING. 

There are many little points of etiquette and courteous observ- 
ances which, if attended to, serve very materially to lighten the 
tedium and fatigue of travel, the non-observance of them being at- 
tended with proportionally disagreeable effects. No situation can 
be named where the difference between the well-bred and ill-bred 
of either sex is more marked than when they are upon a journey ; 
and in this country, where all classes are thrown into contact in 
the various public conveyances, the annoyance of rude company 
can scarcely be exaggerated. 

The duties of an escort to a lady are manifold and various, 
and the true lady will make them as light as possible, 
striving, by her own deportment and agreeable conversation, to 
compensate her gentleman friend for the trouble she may occasion 
him. To weary him constantly by complaints of the heat, dust, or 
flies ; to worry for half an hour over some unavoidable mishap or 
annoyance ; to lose or miss some part of her hand-baggage every 
five minutes ; forcing him to rise and search for what she eventu- 
ally finds in her own pocket ; to inquire every few moments, 
" Where are we now ? what time is it? are we nearly at our jour- 
ney's end?' to delay him, when the train or boat does stop, for ar- 
rangements that should have been made ten minutes before ; to 
fidget about ner baggage ; or to find constant fault with what ho 
cannot control, are ail faults in which lady travellers are prone to 
indulge, but which all mark low breeding, founded upon intense 
selfishness. Good-nature, perfect courtesy, patience, punctuality, 
and an easy adaptation to perhaps untoward circumstances mark 
the perfect lady in travelling. AVhen you see a lady, detained per- 
haps for hours by a snow-storm, pleasantly trying to beguile the 
time by conversation, relieving tired mothers, perhaps, of the care 
of fretful children, jesting pleasantly upon the unpleasant delay, 
and uttering no complaint or impatient word, even if half frozen 
or in utter discomfort, you may be certain you see a perfectly 
well-bred lady in every sense of the words. 



100 

Old cv(*r allow | loon 

devoted exclusively to I ; 6 her 

tether i i 
iot stand in such relation to i I ent 

If a lady in a car <>r staje finds 

.i. she mr. 

be heard above 
In travelling alone, a lady should speak to the condi* 

train. <>r. in a l«"i : steam ?r ; '.:' to the 

g her onprotected situation, and 
extend every courtesy in their power. I: i iy so 

travelling to wait until the rush <»f pai quit- 

ting a train or boat, ami then, it* not v. 
the station. 

A lady travelling alone may, with perfect | 
courtesy from strange genl V._ r a 

window, the ofler of a hand plank, or 

attention, being careful always to thank him politely for the same, 
and in a tone that will not encourage ad- 

vances. 

Any apology made during a j mrney for accidental c 
crowding, reaching over the seat, or the like, must be aecept. 
sil >nt but courteous bow being the best ack 
titeneas dictating such apelog 

A gentleman, on entering a public carriage or omnib 
never step before a lady, but stand aside until she enters, raising 
the hat slightly if she acknowledges hifl courtesy, as a true lady 
will. by a bow. He may offer to a-sist her if she appears to I 
it, even if she is a perfect ■■• to him. 

If a gentleman consents to act Bfl to a lady, he must care- 

fully fulfill all the requirements of that rather arduous position. If 
she meets him at a wharf or depot, he must be a little before the 
hour for starting, to procure her t \ and se- 

cure for her a plea-ant seat He must I ' ami in an 

office or upon a wharf whilst he attends t » 1. 
but. having seen her comfortably - "in, 

return for those duties, in arrivi moat m 

i in a ha<k bef 



TEA YELLING, 101 

In a hotel, the gentleman must escort the lady to the parlor he- 
fore securing her room, hut not detain her afterwards. However 
agreeable she may be, he may be certain she is longing to rest 
after her journey, and remove the travel stains from her face and 
dress. He must at once escort her to her room, ascertain what 
hour it will be agreeable for her take the next meal, and meet her 
again in the parlor at that hour. He must not leave her upon ar- 
riving at the journey's end until he has escorted her to the house, 
and if he remains in the city, he must call the next day to inquire 
after her health. After that, the lady may continue the acquaint- 
ance or not, as she pleases ; but if she declines to do so, by non- 
recognition at the next meeting, he is at liberty to decline acting 
in the capacity of escort to her again. 

A gentleman who is travelling alone may offer little courtesies to 
strangers, and even to ladies, carefully maintaining a respectful 
manner, that may assure them they need not fear to encourage im- 
pertinence by accepting the proferred civilities. 

In travelling abroad, the truest courtesy is to observe as far as 
practicable every national prejudice. The old proverb, to "do in 
Home as Romans do," is the best rule of etiquette in foreign 
travel. The man who affects a supercilious disdain for all foreign 
customs and forms will not convince the natives of his vast superi- 
ority, but impress them with the belief that he is an ill-bred idiot. 
The most polite, as well as agreeable travellers are those who will 
smilingly devour mouse-pie and bird's-nest soup in China, dine 
contentedly upon horse-steak in Paris, swallow their beef uncooked 
in Germany, maintain an unwinking gravity over the hottest curry 
in India, smoke their hookah gratefully in Turkey, mount an ele- 
phant in Ceylon, and, in short, conform gracefully to any native 
custom, however strange it may appear to him. 

" Comparisons are odious," and to be continually asserting that 
everything in the United States is vastly superior to everything 
abroad is a mark of vulgarity. If you really think there is noth- 
ing to be seen abroad as good as you have at home, why, you are 
foolish not to stay at home and enjoy the best. 

A lady may, under certain circumstances, as, if she be a married 
lady, and not too young, begin a conversation with a strange gen- 
tlemen ; but he must not, under any circumstances, begin a con- 
versation with her. An unmarried lady, unless advanced in life, 
is not supposed to begin conversation with a strange gentleman. 



1 2 Til A FELL/NO. 

When i lady, t aveflin 
car, it is the duty of the u « • 1 1 1 1 . - 1 : t 

in alightii . ■ . . 

collect her bag 
won] I bar* attended t -. 

[f 
propriety, offer to i 
freshment-room, or to bring to he 

sire. If she accept with 

all that she desire 
may always accept Midi an offer oi atl 
man for hifl | and dismissing him by a i 

which he most accept as an intimation tl 
longer required. 

Smoking in the presence ofladii 
no law against it in the car, stage, or b< 

more inveterate weakness in the din i of 

strength in politeness, make a parade i the permi 

any lady who may be present ; bat this is hardly enough, A I 
will not like to refuse, although she may dislike the smoke, and 
she ought not to be put to her election between two alteraati 
almost equally disagreeable. If gentlemen 01 : the 

question should be put to each and i ther 

they have any objection to smoking in the 
sentient voice should carry tl 
to insist upon his own special gratification if it will 
ance and discomfort to others present. Bhoul 1 ; 
tion on the part of the entire party, the gentleman who fir 
his fusee should offer it to any other 
also before lie uses it himself 

As regards the right to have the window w\) or down. ti. 
who Bits facing the the engine has the command. Ladi 
present, should, of course, be consulted, no < d which 

they may be sitting, and their wish mu 
tlement of the questton. 

If a gentleman have ai 
his travelling companions. If re do himself, 

thus leaving th I also if th 



ETIQUETTE IN CHURCH. 1Q3 



ETIQUETTE IN CHURCH. 

In visiting a church in which you have no pew of your own, 
wait in the vestibule until the sexton comes to you, and request 
him to show you to a seat. It is extremely rude to enter a pew 
without invitation if it is partially filled, or without permission 
if it is empty. 

Always enter a church slowly and reverentially. A gentleman 
must remove his hat at the door, and never replace it until he is 
again in the vestibule. 

Conform strictly to the forms of worship. If you are not fa- 
miliar with them, rise, kneel, and sit as you see others do. 

Never whisper to a companion in church. 

Never make any noise with your feet or fingers. 

Never stare round the building. 

Never bow to any friend while in the church itself. Greetings 
may be exchanged in the vestibule after service. 

A gentleman accompanying a lady to a Roman Catholic church, 
even if himself a Protestant, may offer her the holy water, and it 
must be with an ungloved hand. 

Gentlemen must pass up the aisle beside their lady companions 
until they reach the pew, then advance a few steps, open the door, 
and stand aside until she has entered, then enter, and close the 
door again. It is a bad plan to leave the hat outside, as it is liable 
to be swept down the aisle by the skirts of ladies passing. If 
there is not room for it on the seat, it can be put upon the floor 
inside the pew, 

Never pay any attention to those around you, even if they are 
noisy or rude. 

If you pass a book or a fan to a person in the same pew, or ac- 
cept the same attention, it is not necessary to speak. A silent bow 
is all that etiquette requires. 

If you have room in your own pew, and see a stranger enter, 
open the door and motion him to enter. It is not necessary to 
speak. 



1M1 l . rqUETTM IX CHURCH. 

Y«>u may find the place and point it oul i who is un- 

familiar a i:ii v.. ntly. 

a. lad; use 

the amnion. 

To come late t<> church i tful. 

• tO luir: for 

departure, closing and putting awi para- 

tions. \)i rfore I 

Ne?er keep any one waiting if you have invited 

them to go k) church. 

When riaiting a church abroad, not to attend divin but 

.;• when t ; .If 

you find worships peak 

Low, ami endeavor not i i disturb their devotx< 

The godmother ai »ning most ace- 'in: 

her little godchild to and from the church, and should send her 

gift (usually a silver cup) the day befo 

In attending a funeral not in your own family, never leave 
pew until the mourners have passed into the aisle; hut rise and 
stand while they pass, falling into your proper plac pro- 

yon. 

It is ill-bred for gentlemen to congregate in the vestibule of a 
church and there chat familiarly, often commenting audibly upon 
the service or the congregation. No true lady likes to run this 
gauntlet, although in this country they are too ol: 1 to 

do so. 

To show any disrespect to a form of worship that may be new 
or strange to you is rude in the extreme. If you find it trying to 
your own reliL r i»>us convictions, you need not again visit ehu: 
of the same denomination; hut to sneer at a form, v\hile in the 
church using that form, is insulting and low-bred. 



ETIQUETTE FOR PLACES OF AMUSEMENT. 1Q5 



ETIQUETTE EOE PLACES OF AMUSEMENT. 

A gentleman who wishes to invite a young lady, who is not re- 
lated to him, to visi: any place of public amusement with him, 
must, the first time that he invites her, also invite another lady of 
the same family to accompany her. No young lady should visit 
public places of amusement with a gentleman with whom she is 
but slightly acquainted, alone. 

It is a gentleman's duty to invite a lady long enough before the 
evening of the performance to be certain of securing pleasant 
seats, as it is but a poor compliment to take her where she will be 
uncomfortable, or where she can neither hear nor see. 

Although a carriage may not be necessary on account of the 
weather, it is a more elegant way of paying attention to a lady to 
provide one. 

Never assume an air of secrecy or mystery in a public place ; 
and even if you have the right to do so, assume no lover-like airs. 
It is rude to converse loudly, especially during the performance ; 
but a low tone is all that is necessary ; not a whisper. 

To appear to comment aside upon those near you is extremely 
ill-bred. 

A lady is not expected to bow to a friend across a theatre or 
concert-room ; but a gentleman may recognize his lady friends. 

A lady must answer a note of invitation to visit a place of pub- 
lic, amusement as soon as possible, as, by delay, she may keep her 
gentleman friend in doubt, and deprive him of the pleasure of in- 
viting another friend if she declines. 

It is ill-bred to arrive late at any public entertainment, and looks 
as if you were not sufficiently master of your own time to be 
punctual. 

In a theatre, give your attention entirely to the stage when the 
curtain is up ; to your companion when it is down. 

It looks badly to see a lady staring round the house with an 
opera-glass. Never is a modest dignity more becoming than in a 
theatre. To indulge in extravagant gesture, laugh boisterously, 



1 : "• r. 

\. i;ii an , in- 

dulge in lounj all unlady-like in 

the oxti eme. 

[f you 
In al 
and wish to hear the 

In entering ;i ooncert-roi m or the bos <•:* a Lb ?ntl< man 

should precede a la not room to walk l . un- 

til they reach the Beats, then hand her to the inner one taking tho 
outside one him elf, In going out, if he cannot offer her 
he in i walk before her, until he reaches the lobby, and 

then offer her his arm. 

Boisterous applause and loud laughter are ungentlemanly. 

It Is in bad taste to distract your companion's interest from 
performance, even if you find it dull yourself. 

No gentleman should leave a lady alone for a in a pub- 

lic place of amusement. lie may subject her i pr ho 

may find another lady in his seat when lie returns, which would 
separate him from his companion until the close of the perform- 
ance; for, although a gentleman when alone should offer hie 
to a lady or old gentleman who cannot procure one. he is not ex- 
pected to do so when escorting a lady. His place is then that of 
protector to his charge, and he must not relinquish it for a mo- 
ment. 

Secure a libretto, or programme, before taking your seat, that 
you may not bo obliged to rise to act one. 

At the opera, conversation during the performance is in the 
worsl taste. The lowest tone will disturb the real loi LUSic. 

Exclamations of ''Lovely!'' "Exquisite!" '-How sweet!'* and 
others, are all proofs of vulgarity. 

If you promenade at a concert or between the acts at a theatre, 
you may bow to friends the first time you pass them only. A 
must not allow other gentlemen t > join her, if she would not 
fend her escort, and no gentleman will stop a lady I i her. 

A conversation of a moment or two is all that is allow; 

in Midi 1 : 

If i secured, it is best to arrive about five 

fore the comm of a performance \ but m is 

a lady to an entertainment where Beats cannot be secured 



ETIQUETTE FOR PLACES OF AMUSEMENT. 107 

he should call for her at an early hour, that she may get a good 
place. 

In a picture-gallery, never stand conversing before the paintings 
in such a way as to interrupt the view of others. If you wish to 
converse, stand aside or take seats and do so. 

A gentleman alone may join lady friends for a few moments be- 
tween the acts at a theatre, or in the intermission at a concert, but 
only for a few moments, as their escort has a prior claim upon 
their attention. 

It is an act of rudeness to join any party about to visit a place 
of amusement, or at one, unless urgently invited, and no one of 
taste will ever form a third. If two or three ladies are in the 
party and but one gentleman, another gentleman, if well acquaint- 
ed, may offer his services as escort to one of the ladies, and if not 
allowed to share the expenses, should invite the party to partake 
of refreshments after the performance is over. 

Always enter a concert-hall or lecture-room as quietly as pos- 
sible 

Never push violently through a crowd at a public place. A lady 
will always find room made for her if she requests it, or if it is 
requested by her escort. 

After escorting a lady to a place of amusement, a gentleman 
may ask permission to call the following morning or evening, and 
the lady must be at home to receive that call. She should take 
that opportunity to thank him for the pleasure she has enjoyed, 
and find some warm words of praise for the performance. To se- 
verely criticize on such an occasion is rude to the escort, who-has 
intended to give pleasure, and the performance must be bad in- 
deed where nothing can be found to me.rit a word of praise. 

In visiting a fancy fair, too many persons act as if they were in 
a store, cheapening the articles offered for sale, and being careless 
about their criticisms and remarks. It is impossible to tell who 
may be wounded by such conduct. The very lady who offers you 
an article you pronounce " absolutely hideous " may have spent 
hours in its manufacture, and feel proportionately hurt at your 
remarks. Courtesy and words of praise are never more appreci- 
ated than by those who have spent weary hours in preparing for 
this most troublesome of all charities. 

On the other hand, the position of a lady at the table of a fancy 



1 ( is i i B • 

■ ilv an oxpoaed one, ami req mount <>f 

nt dest dignity to support it. Flirtin ikinj. tmportunate 

to unwilling fHendi to I n; II In bad 

j equally bad I 

hmeni-table in company with y< lemen 

N. We heard ■ lady k» that she I teen 

timet in one day to tin* refreshment-table "for the good <»: 

and we could not but think the i ■••«• Been aided 

without quite Bach a < 1 i ^{>ln \ of gastronomic energy. Bo true 
lady will follow friends all around tin 4 room offering goods for 

nor foroe articled on reluctant purchasers by appeal!;.. 
their gallantry. 

In entering a fancy fair where many la I nt. Btrict 

etiquette requires a gentleman to remove his hat ry it 

whilst in the room, hut it is a rule minh n< . 

It is rade for a lady to take advantage of the ml.' wh 
vents a gentleman from asking for cnange at a fair. If he 
in presenting a larger amount than the purchased article calk 
'Pray accept the balance for the object for which you are work- 
ing," she may. of course, place the gift in her cash-box; other- 
wise it is more lady-like to give back the change. 



SERVANTS. 

It would bo difficult to express the sense of etiquette on this 
subject better than by quoting Lord Chesterfield's words : 
"I am more upon my guard," he writes, "as to my behavior 

to my servants and to others who are called my interiors than I 
am towards my equals, for tear of being B < f that mean 

ami ungenerous sentiment i>\' desiring t<» mak I that 

1 which fortune has. and perhaps too i. 
between u>.' 

idurt towards servants should be always equal never viol 

never familiar. Speak to them always with civility, but 1. 
them in their proper places. 



SER VANTS. 109 

Give no occasion for them to complain of you ; but never suffer 
yourself to complain of them without first ascertaining that your 
complaint is just, seeing that it has attention, and that the fault 
complained of is remedied. 

Beware of giving servants the inch ; there is no class so prone, 
under such circumstances, to take the ell. 

If staying in a friend's house, you may assume, to a certain ex- 
tent, that your friend's servants are your servants. But this must 
be only so far as you are yourself concerned. You must not, on 
any account, give directions respecting the general conduct of the 
menage. For all your own personal wants, however, you are free 
to command their services. Ask for anything, under their control, 
that may be lacking in your own room ; for whatever you need at 
meal times ; let them call you in the morning if you sleep soundly ; 
do not send them on errands, however, without first ascertaining 
that it will not interfere with their regular routine of household 
duty ; but do anything and everything required for your own per- 
sonal convenience and comfort through the servants. It is con- 
trary to all laws of etiquette to trouble your host or hostess with 
all your petty wants. 

Never apologize for the trouble you give them; but if you 
should, through illness or other cause, occasion more work than a 
visitor ordinarily brings to a household, let the gift, which, in any 
case, you would make to the servants on leaving the house, be 
somewhat heavier than would otherwise have been necessary. 

This question of fees to servants is a very important one. Many 
people are disposed to regard it as an imposition which is toler- 
ated only through the force of custom. Others view it in the 
light of paying for an extra burden, which their presence has laid 
upon the servant's shoulders. The latter view, if not entirely the 
correct one, is, at least, as reasonable as the former, and a generous 
nature will probably adopt it. The opposition will say, " But all 
cannot afford to make these presents," and " The servants are hired 
on the express understanding that they will have to serve their 
employer's guests, as part of the work they are engaged to do." 
There is something in this ; but, on the other hand, it might be 
asked, " Do any of you who complain of having to make these in- 
voluntary gifts for extra service on the part of the servants, 
rest satisfied in your own minds when your profession, busi- 



1 1 I 

you draw y<>ur bowo* of living, 
requi 'lie man- 

>r "i" 

the largest department under tin' control ol til Do you 

not. when anything more than o i 1«.< k for, 

u do net i mo- 

' yen do, onld 

bould 
0Sped otl ' .''!1 th-v lock for. or think 

ought ( i have, ia a P to not 

rrot all arself to merit. The Bystem i 

like all other human Institutions, liable I i consideral At 

one tl th th<» dignity of a geotfc man to 

give anything but gold, and wbil I d, it 

must doubtless have pressed very hard upon poor people, to whom 
to go into Bociety was to be ruinously lined, wit] 
of appeal. Even at the present day, there are certain class- - 

wits who are "as death, and cannot be satisfied,* 1 unless their 
"itching paints "are heavily laden with their fee; but they are 
but rarely approached by poorer people. 

With regard to the amount of fees to servants in a household, it 
is not possible to lay down any precise role. Much must dej 
on the length of th i i position of the m 

and the position in which you are supposed I toward 

and on each of these points you must exerci tion, 

and consult your own moans or generosity. 

Gentlemen give U>^> to the m id servants only, as a general ml \ 
and Indies give to the female servants only ; and though U 
rvance of this rule may seem at times t » work injust 
better to adhere to it. than to mar the comfort and position of 
those who cod on, and who may not have the mean 

t liberal over and above the prescribed standard. I 
inces is a lady called by the rales of othjuei: 

give fees to men servants ; the lady's-maid and the housemaid are 
the only ones she is expected to remember; hut if a gentleman 

where only female servants are employed, ha should i 
them a pre se n t on his departure. 

Qts in a hotel : ^ open t i 
; to influence them unduly in second or third arrivals at the 



SERVANTS. HI 

same house ; but it is a custom so fixed that it has become second 
nature to them to look for it. It is certainly a person's own fault 
if he submits to being fleeced by the servants in a hotel. Attend- 
ance is certainly included in the high prices charged, yet the cus- 
tom prevails in spite of it, and those who do not comply with it 
will soon find the difference, although there may be nothing suffi- 
ciently impertinent or negligent for positive complaint. 

Fees to railway porters and others are certainly not required by 
the rules of etiquette to be paid. The payment of them is indeed 
forbidden by many of the railway companies ; but the receiving 
of them is winked at, the result being that travellers who want at- 
tendance are, for the most part, obliged to pay for it. The system 
is, however, a pernicious one, and travellers should discourage it as 
much as possible, if only for the sake of those who cannot afford 
to sustain it. 

" I am sorry," said a gentleman to a porter (need we say an Irish- 
man?) who had looked after a number of parcels, and stowed 
them conveniently away in the car, l ' that the regulations of the 
company do not allow me to give you a shilling." " If your 
honor," replied the porter, with- a grin, " were to lose two, I should 
know where to find them." , 

At a dinner party, an evening company, a ball, or like occasions, 
it is customary, on coming away, to give a trifle, the gentleman to 
the waiter who hands him his hat, etc., the lady to the attendant 
in the dressing-room ; but you are not called upon to remember 
every servant in attendance. There is a story told of an old Eng- 
lish gentleman, rich enough to be above the suggestion of poverty, 
and notoriously liberal enough to be above the imputation of mean- 
ness, who, being at a dinner party, was presented by one servant 
with his hat. To this man he gave a shilling. Another advanced, 
and helped him into his coat, and to him the old gentleman also 
gave a shilling. A third gave him his cane, and received in ex- 
change a shilling ; but when a fourth approached, bearing his 
gloves, the old gentleman gazed upon him for a moment, and then 
said, quietly : " You may keep them, my good man ; it will be 
cheaper for me than to receive them/' and then walked out. This 
was, however, an abuse of advantage on the part of the servants, 
which, if repeated, others would do well to rebuke in a similar 
manner. 



11 2 8ERVAITT8. 

An English • biota t'nai would 

l)i> equal! j I comforl if adopted in this 

■ There is do question but thai we should * rfbrm all 

our duties without hope ol recompense; and y< our 

treatment of servante, we should be especially careful that, io en- 
deavoring to make their bodily comfoii and mental Ifwoi imnut 
an object of consideration, wo do not allow our-' rail upon 

the hope of gratitude or affection from then in return. Many 
have done so, and having, with thai view, boon tempted te accord 
unwise indulgences and to overlook serious faults, they have found 
that, far from gaining the love of their servants, they have m- 
curred their contempt ; and when they have perceived that their 
favors, unappreciated, have led but to new encroachment*, they 
have hardened their hearts, and rushed into an opp< • me. 

Then they have considered their servants ae in 
which labor must be extorted by all available ni< 

• A man-servant is rarely grateful, and seldom attached. He is 
generally incapable of appreciating those advantages which, with 
your cultivated judgment, you know to be most ive to his 

welfare. Do you accord to him regular hours, and a stated al- 
lowance of work; do you refrain from sending him <>ut because it 
is wet, and he is unwell j do you serve yourself rather than ring 
for him at dinner time, he will rarely have the grace U) thank you 
in his heart for your constant consideration. Hear h'm. He will 
thus describe a comfortable place: 'Then m in the 

family ; when they went out of a night, we made it up in the 
morning; we had nice hot suppers, and the cook made a . 
hash for breakfast, and we always gel luncheon between that and 
dinner; and we were all very comfortable together, and had a 
friend in when we Liked. Master swore at us soi often 

mad.' us a present for it when he had been very violent ; a good- 
hearted man as ever lived, and mistress was quite the lady, and 
never meddled with servants. It was a capita] place. 1 

Servants' sympathies are with their equals. They feel for a 

poor servant ran off his legs, and moped to death; they have no 
feeling for a painstaking misl aoraical both from principle 

and scanty means: they would (moat of them) see her property 
wasted, and her confidence abused without compunction. It is 



SERVANTS. 113 

the last effort of virtue in a servant if, without any private reason, 
lie should discharge his duty by informing you of the injury 
which you are enduring at the hands of his fellow-servant. It is 
an effort of virtue ; for it will bring down many a bitter taunt and 
hard word upon his faithful head. 

" ' I never got a servant out of a place by telling tales on him/ 
will be said to him. Directly a servant departs, we all know, 
tongues tied before are loosened to gain our favor by apparent 
candor. When it can avail us nothing, we are told. We all know 
this, and have said : ' Be silent now ; you should have mentioned 
this to me at the time it occurred.' 

" Supposing, then, you have the vara avis, the servant that 
1 speaks at the time,' be chary of him — or let me say her (the best 
servants are women). Oh! as you value her, let her not suppose 
you cannot part with her. Treat her with confidence, but with 
strict impartiality ; reprove where necessary, mildly, but decided- 
ly, lest she should presume (power is so tempting), and compel 
you, if you would retain your freedom, to let her go. 

" There is one thing a man-servant values beyond all that your 
kindness and consideration can do for him — his liberty ; liberty to 
eat, drink, and be merry, with your things, in the company of his 
own friends ; liberty to get the housemaid to clean his candlesticks 
and bring up his coals ; and the housemaid wishes for liberty to 
lie in bed in the morning, because she was up so late talking to 
John in the pantry ; liberty to wear flounces and flowers. The 
cook desires liberty too. For this liberty, if you grant it, they 
will despise you ; if you deny it, they will respect you. Aim at 
their esteem ; despair of their love or gratitude ; make your place 
what the best class of servants will value, and, though in their 
heart they may not thank you for it, you will gain, perhaps, one 
servant out of twenty who will keep gross imposition and gross 
immorality at bay. 

" These remarks can never be intended to deny the warm at- 
tachment of female servants to the children of their employers. 
Deep love, no doubt, is lavished by many a woman on the babe she 
has nursed. There is a great deal to be said on the chapter of 
nurses, which would require to be dealt with by itself. Much 
wisdom is required in the administration of a nursery, to which 
but few general rules would apply. Cruel is the tyranny the nurse 



]][ . EMVA • 

frequently practi the parent, who often refrains from c: 

:m wani of love for her children, but ; 
i of the 1 1 >tu I oka a uicfa gi L I her be I 

inking from grieving 1. k his 

■ i 
rant. 

'• Od the choice oi much of the 

housekeeper depends. 1 1 ofte i h at ber <i. 

determined by appearance rather than the If 

bucd be the case, she ^^ 1 1 1 have many i It 

is. in the present d be a 

Bingle objection to character, however it may be [ rer by the 

n referred toon this point ; for there ia now an unhealthy di 
sition to pass over the failings of servants who have left their pla 
and to make them perfect in the eyes <»f others. In 
briety, many people will not ackn rant had had 

the vice of drinking, but will cover the unpleasant troth with such 
gentle and plausible terms that it becomes difficult I bend 

how far tin 4 hint is grounded, or not. Be assured when a lady or 
gentleman hesitates on this point, or on that of hone wiser 

not to engage a servant. Nor are you deviating from Christian 
charity in not overlooking a dereliction of so material a sort. The 
kindest plan to the vast community of domestic servant! 
rigid in all important points, and. having, after a due ex] 
a just confidence in them, to be - omewhal more indulgent to e: 
of a more trivial nature. 

"It is always desirable to have, if p ;',uth 

But if it so happens that you have a Roman Catholic servant and 
a Protestant in your service, you are bound to allow each the free 
exercise of her religion, and you ought not to respect them if. out 
of interest, they will conform to yours. An ex< 
on this point amounts, in my opinion, to an act of tyranny, and it 
can only tend to promote insi i.der 

skepticism in i 

;tle the faith - I e nor 

opportuni 

•• While 
indulgence of the prea they 

were treated with real kindness ; hut it 



SERVANTS. 115 

acted duty in return, and took a real interest in the welfare of 
each servant. The reciprocal tie in former times between servant 
and master was strong ; now it is wholly gone. The easy rule of 
masters and mistresses proceeds far more from indifference than 
from kindness of heart ; for the real charity is to keep servants 
steadily to their duties. They are a class of persons to whom 
much leisure is destruction ; the pursuits of their idle hours are 
seldom advantageous to them, and theirs are not minds, generally, 
which can thrive in repose. Idleness, to them, is peculiarly the 
root of all evil ; for if their time is not spent in vicious amuse- 
ments, it is often passed in scandal, discontent, and vanity. In 
writing thus, I do not recommend a hard or inconsiderate system 
to servants. They require, and in many instances they merit, all 
that can be done to alleviate a situation of servitude. They ought 
not to be the slaves of caprice or the victims of temper. Their 
work should be measured out with a just hand ; but it should be 
regularly exacted in as much perfection as can be expected in 
variable and erring human nature. 

11 Another point on which I would recommend firmness is that 
of early hours. In this respect, example is as important as pre- 
cept ; but, however uncertain you may be yourself, I would not 
relax a rule of this kind ; for every comfort during the day de- 
pends on the early rising of your servants. Without this, all their 
several departments are hurried through or neglected in some im- 
portant respect. 

" Your mode of address to servants must be decisive, yet mild. 
The authoritative tone I do not recommend. It is very unbecom- 
ing to any young person, and it rarely attains the end desired ; but 
there is a quiet dignity of deportment Avhich few servants ever can 
resist. This should be tempered with kindness, when circum- 
stances call it forth, but should never descend to familiarity ; for 
no caution is more truly kind than that which confines servants 
strictly to their own sphere. 

" Much evil results from the tendency, more especially of the 
very young or of very old mistresses of families, to partiality. 
Commonly, one servant becomes the almost avowed favorite ; and it 
is difficult to say whether that display of partiality is the more per- 
nicious to the servant who is the object of it, or to the rankling 
and jealous minds of the rest of the household. It is true that it 



1 it; 8MMVJLA I 

Is quite h to avoid entertaining a greater degree of oonfi- 

denoe fas than in othe \\ should bo .shown 

with a doe regard to the feelings of aUL it . tttow- 

able towards those who take a decidedly reepont I confiden- 

tial .situation in a household. Still, never l"t Buch persons aae 
the reins of governnaonfl \ let them act the part of helmsmen to 

the vessel, boi not aspire t<» the control Of the captain. 

"It is generally wise and right, after a 
prindplei and intentions of servants, to j I dence in their 

honesty, and to let them have the comfort of knowing that you do 
Be, At the same time, never cease to i .per- 

vision. The great principle of housekeeping is regularity, and 

without this (one of the most difficult of the minor virtues to prac- 

. all efforts to promote order must be ineffectual I have - 
energetic women, clever and well-intentioned, fail in attaining a 
good method, owing to their being uncertain in h< ■: ned 

by impulse, and capricious. I have seen women, inferior in capa- 
city, slow, and apathetic, make excellent heads of families, as far 
BJ their household was concerned, from their steadiness and re 
larity. Their very power of enduring monotony has been favor- 
ahle to their success in this way, especially if they are not called 
upon to act in peculiar and difficult ci^es, in which their actual 
inferiority is traceable. But these arc not the ordinary circum- 
stances of life." 

En this country, servants are proverbially more troublesome than 
in Europe, where service is often transmitted through generations 
in one family. Here, the housekeeper is obliged to change often, 
taking frequently the most ignorant of the lower I for- 

eigners to train into good and useful servants, only to have them 
become dissatisfied as soon as they become acquainted with others, 
who instil the republican doctrine of perfect equality into their 
minds, ruining them for good servants. There are some point* of 
etiquette, however, upon which every lady should insist : 

Never allow a servant to keep people waiting upon the door- 
step. 

fully. 

Never alio* to turn their on the 

children or other servants by a bribe. Many fond parents would 
be amazed if they knew how much running and actual work v. as 



HOTEL ETIQUETTE. 117 

performed by little Nellie or Charlie, and how many fits of myste- 
rious indigestion were caused by the rich cake, candy, or half-ripe 
fruit that paid for the service and bribed the silence. 

Never allow a servant to keep a visitor standing parleying on 
the door-step, while she holds the door ajar. Train the door-ser- 
vant to admit any caller promptly, show them to the parlor, bring 
up their cards at once, and return with your answer or message. 

There are two occasions in a man's lifetime when may he make 
his account with liberality to servants, whether he will or whether 
he will not. These two are the occasions of his marriage and 
his funeral. 

On his marriage, the bridegroom is expected to make presents 
to all the servants of his father-in-law or mother-in-law, rather ac- 
cording to their expectations than according to his means. To 
old servants, who have been attached to the bride, the bridegroom 
will naturally wish to give some token of the value he sets upon 
their devotion. New dresses, new shawls, money, or a handsome 
equivalent of it, are expected. Money is usually given to the 
other servants. The amounts must, of course, depend, in a great 
degree, upon the means of the bridegroom ; but he must be pre- 
pared for a heavy outlay on the occasion, if the servants be nu- 
merous. 



HOTEL ETIQUETTE. 

Let us start this chapter by saying that no word of it is ad- 
dressed to the sterner sex, who will find hints for their etiquette 
under the head of " Travelling ; ?5 but it is for the especial guidance 
of ladies, many of whom in this independent country travel with- 
out escort. 

When a lady arrives alone at a hotel, she should, if possible, be 
provided with a letter of introduction to the proprietor ; she 
should send for him immediately upon her arrival, present her 
letter, or her card, and mention the time for which she desires to 
secure a room. 



1 is HOTEL ETIQUMTTK. 

In going to meals, i lady Bhould re< of the wa 

■ her at the dining room 

her the an and showing 

•:s thai she It i regular resident in the 
the titer at table d ihould 

give bin a present of money before leering. 

In giving an order at a public table, • 
ly what dishea Bhe desires an I order them in a low but 
tone. 

rTo lady will stare round the room, fidu r <-t with her napkin, p] 
knife, <-r fork, play with the Bait, or exhibit any awkward em 
rassment, whil \ waiting i or a meal to be served. I; La all 
look over a newspaper in the interval at brc but the habit . 

quite common, of carrying a novel to the table i lik*\ 

If a lady accepts any civility from a gentleman at the i 
table, such as placing butter, sugar, or water n< bate, 

she must thank him; but by no means start a conversation with 
him. 

If a lady have friends at the table. Bhe i. me in a low, 

quiet tone; but any loud tone, laughing extravagantly, or _ 
lations, are exceedingly ill-bred. To comment upon others p 
ent, either aloud or in a whisper, is extremely rude. 

A lady must never point to any dish she wish her. 

If Bhe cannot call it by name, a well-traine will know 

w ■;. hea if Bhe looks at the dish. 

Any bold action or boisterous deportment in a hotel will ex] 
a lady to the most severe censure of the refined around 
may render her liable to misconstruction, and impertinen 

Greetings offered by other ladies at the table, or in the parlor, 
Bhould not be too hastily checked, as tin 1 acquaintance so form 1 
is never required by etiquette to be recognized elsewb 

A. lady alone at a hotel Bhould wear the mosl modest and I 
conspicuous dress appropriate to the hour of the day. Full d 

must not be worn unless Bhe has an eft :.t. 

A lady should never to the SUpp 

O'clock. If Bhe returns from an e 

leort to m; • should ' her 

room. 
A lady Bhould carefully lock her trunks before leavii 



HOTEL ETIQUETTE. Jig 

at a hotel, and should give her purse and jewelry into the care of 
the proprietor on her arrival, ringing for them if she requires 
them during her stay. 

No lady should open a window in a hotel parlor, if there are 
other ladies near it, without first ascertaining that it will not in- 
convenience them. 

No lady should use the piano of a hotel uninvited if there are 
others in the room. It looks bold and forward to display even the 
most finished musical education in this w r ay. It is still worse to 
sing. 

A lady should never go herself to the door of a he tel to call a 
hack. Ring for a servant to perform this office, and he will bring 
the hack to the ladies' entrance. 

No lady should stand or linger in the halls of a hotel, but pass 
through them quietly, never stopping alone for a moment. 

No lady should stand alone at the front windows of a hotel par- 
lor, nor may she walk out on the porch, or, indeed, any conspicu- 
ous place. 

A lady is not expected to recognize her friends across the parlor 
or dining-room of a hotel. 

No scolding of servants is permissible in a hotel. If they are 
negligent or disrespectful, complain to the housekeeper or land- 
lord ; it is their business to keep the domestics in order, not that 
of their guests. 

For a lady to go up the stairs of a hotel singing is ill-bred, and 
may expose her to rudeness. 

It is a breach of etiquette to take any newspaper, book, or mu- 
sic you may find in a hotel parlor to your own room, even if you 
return it. 

Lolling or lounging in a public parlor can never be permitted to 
a lady. 

It is a breach of etiquette for a lady to touch her baggage in a 
hotel after it is packed. There are plenty of servants to attend to 
it, and they should carry to the hack even the travelling-shawl, 
satchel, and railway novel. Nothing looks more awkward than to 
see a lady, with both hands full, stumbling up the steps of a hotel 
hack. 

No lady must ever pass in or out at the public entrance of a 
hotel. There is always an entrance for ladies especially, and it is 



120 ,l/7 

bold ami ifhbeo ml ra to Km Been In the one appropr 

antlemen. A n who wfll lady ttoowgh th<' 

public entrant i the usages of ho- 



WEDDINQ ETIQUETTE 

To those who require' to be taught how they may hetn- 

aelvea in thoee delicate i « of 

marriage, this little book is not addressed. It is not proposed to 

introduce form and ceremony into tliat which should spring purely 
and spontaneously from the heart, and which Bhould naoet 

natural expression of a most natural feeling, in c onn e cti on with 
which etiquette w< old be Bimply a i 

only a system devised and found convenient for the social rule and 
guidance of the many, cannot by any possibility be applied to the 
conduct of two who may reasonal ly be supposed to he acquainted 
with each other's aentimen ik about 

them. If they are !1 the etiquette in the 

world cannot help them, nor p • -in from making what 

may he a blunder of the most awkward kind. There a 
who profess to teach how and in what terms an offer of marriage 
should be made, whether by letter or by mouth, and, in either < 
what should he said. I pretend to no Mich knowledge, believing 
that if the heart cannot BUggest the way and the words 
else can do so. 

Yet. the wiser way. usually, is in speech. L ' lorn 

expn what really passes in the mind of a man; or. if ex- 

live, seem foolish, since deep 
tion. Every written word may he the theme of 

which avail in every otl are death 

to the lover's effusion. A I spoken In and 

broken by emotion, are more eloquent than pages 
both to parents and daughter. 

The place of etiquette, the social law which regulates the con- 



WEDD TNG ETIQ TJETTE. 121 

duct of engaged people towards others, and of other people to- 
wards them, is immediately after the announcement of the en- 
gagement ; then there is scope for the display of good manners 
and good breeding, and there are certain rules which must be ob- 
served. 

Some members of the gentleman's family, his nearest relations, 
should call upon the family of the lady, and they should return 
the call as soon as possible. It is by no means necessary that the 
two families should be intimate ; there may be good and sufficient 
reasons why they should not be so ; all that is necessary is the 
show of civility, which is included in the interchange of vis- 
its. If the family of the gentleman does not reside in the same 
city as that of the lady, the announcement of the engagement 
should be followed by letters from his parents or nearest relatives 
to the young lady herself or her parents. Kindly and cordial 
feeling should be the prevailing tone of such letters, and they 
must be answered at once. 

Though it is often true that the gentleman who aspires to love 
one member of a family must make his account in loving all the 
rest in some degree, there is no necessity for such a display of 
amiability on the part of the lady. 

It is customary for the gentleman to make some present to his 
fiancee soon after the engagement. The most elegant and desir- 
able present is a handsome ring, " the engagement ring," which 
should be either of diamonds or pearls. The lady sometimes re- 
turns a similar ring, or the gentleman has two made exactly simi- 
lar, each of the betrothed wearing one. 

The first present must be made by the gentleman. It is very 
proper for this first present to be followed by gifts upon appointed 
days, as birthdays, Christmas, or New Year's Day, and the lady is 
at perfect liberty to return the compliment. It is considered more 
elegant for the gentleman to offer jewelry, the lady some gift 
which is the work of her own hands, as a handsome pair of em- 
broidered slippers, a handkerchief with richly embroidered mono- 
grams, a cigar-case embroidered, or some similar gift. 

When once the engagement is allowed, it is the custom to admit 
the gentleman into the intimate society of his newly-adopted rela- 
tives ; he is looked upon as something more than a potential mem- 
ber of the family ; he is implicitly trusted in every way. 



122 

It I 1 mani BmUeman 

in w bich and there 

ho would COD BUCD ill 

however, do rul 
i lady to do bo, if 1 1 
in return for the membership which ded to him in the 

s family, the en gaged man should sho* .-ill 
towards the of members it. especially to 

tlic sisters of his lady lore, he Bhould be kind; orally 

attentive, and frank and cordial in his in! with her 

brothers. If there are youi □ in the family, nothing will 

make him more popular with the older m< mbers than an occasional 
gift of to; ■ .' u Bion during the holid 

With the BChoolboyS, Who Will readily swear all Mich 

a trip, to " the man Emily is going to marry," or (vulgar little 
wretches that they arc) to " Amelia's / 

It is not according to the strict laws of etiquette for the brothers 
and Bisters to call the new member at first by his Christian 1. 
Much will depend on his age ; , :i ,i bis disposition. Th< 
people whom one can never address otherwise than formally, ■ 
with others it seems perfect nona ill them otherwise than 

by the most familiar term. 

If not a positive requirement of etiquette, it is, at least, a politic 
thing to pay considerable attention to the future mot] . To 

occupy a good ] la<-e in }wv esteei I i md K)th many 

a furrow, which otherwise might trip one up in his walk over tho 
tender ground that leads to matrimony. 

An engaged man should never forget the exceedingly abnormal 
position he occupies with reference to the lady's family; the in- 
convenience his presence may occasion, and the amount of for- 
bearance necessary on their parts to insure even a friendly status 
for him in the household, lie Bhould endeavor to repay I 

►n t<» the general rules of the family, and eve 
ular fane' ; he Bhould rigidly oh- 

their hon careful m y later in the i 

han the usual hour for the 1. 

Th< Id 1 e tli" 

ould 
re | ectfully consider the n 



WEDDING ETIQUETTE. 123 

enter, never doing anything to hurt their feelings, either by word 
or act, should their status be below his own, and never professing 
scorn or contempt for wealth or power, should their status be 
higher than his own. 

During the arrangement of pecuniary matters, a young lady 
should endeavor to understand what is going on, receiving it in a 
right spirit. If she has a private fortune, she should, in all points 
left to her, be generous and confiding ; at the same time, prudent. 
Many a man, she should remember, may abound in excellent 
qualities, and yet be improvident. He may mean to do well, yet 
have a passion for building ; he may be the very soul of good- 
nature, yet be fond of the gaming-table ; he may have no wrong 
propensities, and yet have a confused notion of accounts, and be 
one of those unfortunate men who muddle away a great deal of 
money, no one knows how ; or he may be a too strict economist, a 
man who takes too good care of the pence, till he tires his wife's 
life out about an extra dollar ; or he may be - facile, or weakly 
good-natured, and have a friend who preys on him, and for whom 
he is disposed to become security. Finally, the beloved Charles, 
Henry, or Reginald may have none of these propensities, but may 
chance to be an honest merchant, or a tradesman, with his floating 
capital in business, and a consequent risk of being one day rich, 
the next a pauper. 

Upon every account, therefore, it is necessary for a young lady 
to have a settlement on her ; and she should not, from a weak 
spirit of romance, oppose her friends who advise it, since it is for 
her husband's advantage as well as her own. By making a settle- 
ment, there is always a fund that cannot be touched — a something, 
however small, as a provision for a wife and children ; and whether 
she have a fortune or not, this ought to be made. An allowance 
for dress should also be arranged ; and this should be administered 
in such a way that a wife should not have to ask for it at incon- 
venient times, and thus irritate her husband. 

Flirtations on either side should be avoided, not only as a matter 
of etiquette, but of humanity. No one who is really sincere in 
his professions will wish to inflict pain on the object of his affec- 
tions. The same remark applies to the other side. Can it be any- 
thing but painful in the extreme for a really loving heart to see in 
the beloved one a tendency to trifle with the most sacred emotions 
of the heart 7 



L24 WEDDING ETIQUETTE. 

It is not etiquette to make Bignal displays of devotion Kb public, 
i be constantly of the company ; 

l»ut . on the other band, i well to mi 

sions when the engaged pair can be by th 

but rather doing it. without Bpeaking of it or draw- 
ing attention to it g can make an engaged couple lock 
more foolish, and feel more ancoi the family to 
« i u • t the loom in which all have been Bitting, with h re- 
mark as : • Come away I Fanny and Mr. Amor want m to 
themselves." Poor Panny ! 

In equally bad taste is exclusivenesa by the happy couple them- 
selves. Their devotions Bhould be r< and 
women arc generally In lank when it is otherwise. They l.i 
exhibit their conquest; they cannot dispense with att they 
forget that the demonstration of any peculiar condition of thing! 
in society must make some one uncomfortable : the young ladies 
are uncomfortable because they are not equally happy ; the young 
gentlemen detest what they call nonsense ; the old think there 
time for all things. 

All sitting apart, therefore, and especial displays are in bad 
taste; and they so often accompany insincerity, that the truest af- 
fections are apt to be those which are reserved for the genuine and 
heartfelt intimacy of private interviews. 

At the same time, airs of indifference and avoidance should be 
equally guarded against ; since, however strong and mutual at- 
tachment may be, such a line of conduct is apt needlessly to I 
lead others, and so produce mischief. True feeling, and a lady- 
like consideration for others — a point in which the present genera- 
tion essentially fails — are the best guides for steering between the 
extremes of demonstration, on the one hand, and of fii. 
the other. 

It is the lady's exclusive privilege to appoint the wedding-day ; 
and however impatient the lover, he mibi submit patiently to her 
decree upon this important point. 

When the day is fixed, it is customary for the bridegroom to have 
ready for the occasion a handsome present, usually a parure 
jewels, but governed, of course, by his means and generosity. 

In France, this gift is called the and the rule 

there is to make its rain cent of the bride's private for- 



WEDDING ETIQUETTE. 125 

tune. It consists of a handsome basket or box, containing shawls, 
jewels, lace, furs, gloves, fans, and a purse containing a sum of 
money in new gold pieces. This gift is always placed on exhibi- 
tion with the rest of the wedding presents. 

It is etiquette for wedding presents to be sent always to the 
bride, never to the bridegroom, though they be given by friends of 
the latter. They may be sent at any time during the week pre- 
vious to the wedding-day, and it is customary to display them, 
handsomely arranged before the ceremony. 

In sending out invitations to a wedding, there are two cards 
folded in the invitation in the envelope. The invitation is in the 
name of the bride's mother — or if she is not living, the relative or 
friend nearest the bride — and is as follows : 

MRS. LEON CHURCH 

AT HOME, 

Wednesday, October 2ith, 

FROM 11 TILL 2 O'CLOCK. 

No. 74 L Street. 

The two cards, one large and one small, are folded in this, 
which is printed upon handsome note-paper. Upon the large card 
is engraved : 

MR. and MRS. T. L. BURNS. 
On the smaller one : 

MISS CAROLINE CHURCH. 
If, however, there is no bridal reception on the wedding-day, 
but the young people " receive " after their return from the bridal 
tour, the card containing their joint names contains also the date 
of reception, as : 

MR. and MRS. T. L. BURNS 

AT HOME, 

Wednesday, November 17th, 

FROM 11 TILL 2 O'CLOCK. 

No. 614 — Street. 



Or, 



MR. and MRS. T. L. BURNS 

AT HOME, 

Wednesdays m November, 

FROM 11 TILL 2 O'CLOCK. 

No. 614 — Street. 



126 WEDDING TTK 

Tin* luidal calls i ■■! to 1"- returned until the 

day <■!' reception. 

Tin- e i" the fl 

and the money for I' II'- it is 

vrho the snowy bouquet to the bride, t! room 

:ing a similar offering t<> the bridesmaids. It is the first 
ho Leads the visitors up to the young coup: 
words of congratulation, It is he w I 
fee, v. ho i the carriages, and, in Bhort, makes all . 

ments. I ten the ease, the whole bridal j i the 

depot to see the happy pair atari for the wedding trip, it is then 
tln> ; msman who sccun^ 

curc-> pl( its for the Benedict and bride. It is his duty, 

also, to send the notice of the marriage to the newspapers. In 
England hut one groomsman, or '• best man.*" is allowed to a bridal 
party, though the bridesmaids may number a dozen, hut in 
country one groomsman is allowed for every bridesmi 

If the wedding takes place in church, it is customary to re* 
the front seats in the body of the church for the relatives of the 
young couple. 

It is the height of rudeness for any one, whether clergyman, 
bridegroom, or any member of the bridal train, to keep the 1 
waiting. The clergyman should be within the rails, the bride- 
groom and groomsmen should be in the vestry-room, by the time 
bride is due at the church. The bridesmaids ma; • the 

bride in the vestibule, or may accompany her to the church. 

The bridal party should meet in the vestry-room. Then the 
bride, leaning on the arm of her father, heads the procession ; the 
bridegroom, with the bride's mother upon his arm, follows ; then 
groomsmen and bridesmaids in couples follow. 

At the altar, the bridesgroom receives the bride, and the cere- 
mony begins. The groomsmen stand behind the brid i, the 
bridesmaids behind the bride. The bride and bridegroom rem 
th.' right hand-glove in some churches; in others it is sued 
necessary. The bride stands on the left of the groom* 

"When the wedding takes place a: the house of the bride, it is 
customary to divide the room either by folding curtain, 

and allow the- bridal party to be grouped before their friends 
them. If, however, this is not CO] they enter in the same 



WEDDING ETIQUETTE. 127 

order as in church. It is somewhat customary of late for the bride 
and groom to walk arm-in-arm to the altar ; but it is against estab- 
lished etiquette ; the bride should walk with her father, or, if or- 
phaned, with whoever takes the father's place on the occasion. 

Where a ring is used, it is the duty of the first bridesmaid to re- 
move the bride's left-hand glove. 

After the ceremony, the parents of the bride speak to her first ; 
then the parents of the bridegroom before other friends. 

After the ceremony, the bride and groom go in the same car- 
riage from the church to the house, or from the house to the rail- 
way depot. 

If there is a breakfast or supper, the bride does not change her 
dress until she assumes her travelling dress. 

If parties are given to the bride and groom, the groomsmen and 
bridesmaids must be also invited, and, if they prefer, all may wear 
the dress worn at the wedding. This is, however, optional. 

During the fortnight following a wedding, friends of the family 
should call upon the mother of the bride. 

It is contrary to etiquette to wear mourning to a wedding. Even 
in the case of a widowed mother to either of the happy pair, it is 
customary to wear gray, or some neutral tint, upon the wedding 
day, even if the deepest mourning is resumed afterwards. 

The bridal dress and the costume of the bridesmaids are not mat- 
ters that come so much within the province of etiquette as of the 
fashions, which vary as the winds. All that etiquette requires is 
that good taste shall guide the whole of the arrangements. Pure 
white is the only color worn by the young bride, and the full veil 
of lace, with wreath of orange flowers, is de rigueur ; but for a 
widow, pearl-color or tinted silk, without any veil or wreath, is 
better. If the bride is a maiden no longer young, it is not in good 
taste to wear the dress of a youthful bride. White gloves, vests, 
and ties are demanded for the bridegroom and groomsmen. The 
bridesmaids may wear colors, but a prettier effect is produced by 
dresses of pure white, with trimmings only of color. The travel- 
ling dress of a bride should be very modest in color and fashion, 
as it is in extremely bad taste to draw attention to the bride when 
travelling. 

It is not etiquette, at a wedding or wedding reception, to con- 
gratulate the bride ; it is the bridegroom who receives congratula- 



. /: FOB HM' l 

lions ; tli" bi ' for her future bappii i man 

ith both b peak 

the i bom be : bo will then In 

the other. 1 1 r i«» both 

unman mu i ma!.'' the iuti oduction. 



ETIQUETTE FOB BAPTISMS. 

In the baptisms <>f infants there in the world 

of good society, independent <>f the religious cerem \ few 

hints will suffice, as each sect baa its own peculiar forms known to 
the members of thai church; we do not profess I i guide these, hnt 
merely the worldly observances, 

It is not customary to invite mere acquaintances to be godfather 
or godmother to an infant; these should be tried friends oj long 
standing, or better still, near relations, to whom the obligations 
thus imposed will be pleasures aid n<>t tasks. 

Never invite any friends to be godfather or godmother, who are 
not of the same church as the child to be baptised. 

When you are invited to stand godfather or godmother to an in- 
. never refuse without grave cause, and then do so imme-i 
ly. that tfa * parents may have time to make other arrai 

It is unkind, as well as impolite, to refuse to act in this capacitv 
towards children who. from poverty or other reasons, may occupy 
an inferior position in society to your own. 

It is customary to allow the godmother to select herself the god- 
father. 

It is. however, customary for the maternal grandmother and the 
nal grandfather to act a - for the first child j the pa- 

ternal grandmother and the mat 11 

second child, [f the grand-parents are not living, the n< 
est relatives of the same church should be invited. 

Ii is customary for the boo make the babe a p r e sen t. 

1( it is a little boy, the godfather .her cup. with the full 



ETIQUETTE FOR BAPTISMS. 129 

name engraved upon it, and the godmother some pretty piece of 
silver, jewelry, or dress. If a little girl, it is the godmother who 
gives the cup, and the godfather the other gift. Where the spon- 
sors are wealthy, it is not unusual to fill the christening-cup with 
gold pieces. The godmother often adds to her gift the christening 
robe and cap, both trimmed with white ribbons — for a babe should 
wear only pure white when presented for baptism. 

It is contrary to etiquette to invite young persons to stand as 
sponsors* for an infant. 

In the Roman Catholic church, it is customary to baptize an in- 
fant as soon as possible. If the child is very delicate, it is cus- 
tomary to send at once for the priest, and have the ceremony per- 
formed in the bed-room ; but if the babe is healthy and likely to 
live, it is usually taken to the church for baptism, as young as the 
physician will permit. 

In entering the church, the nurse, carrying the child, goes first ; 
then follow the sponsors, who do not walk arm-in-arm ; then the 
father, and after him the invited guests. 

When the ceremony commences, the sponsors stand on each side 
of the child, the godfather on the right, and the godmother on the 
left. 

The babe should be held lying in the arms of the nurse, its head 
upon the right arm. The cap should be tied so as to be easily un- 
fastened and removed. 

When the priest asks who are the sponsors of the child, it is 
sufficient for them to incline the head, without speaking. 

Baptism is a gratuitous ceremony in the church, but it is cus- 
tomary for the father to present some token to the officiating cler- 
gyman, in the name of the babe, or, where parents are wealthy, to 
make a handsome donation to the poor of the parish, through the 
clergyman. 

In the Protestant churches, it is customary to defer the baptism 
until the mother of the child can be present. 

It is always desirable to have the ceremony performed in the 
church, if possible ; but if there is a necessity for it, such as the 
illness of the child or the parents, it can take place in the house 
of the parents, by their special request. 

No one should ever offer to act as sponsor for a child. It is the 
privilege of the parents to make the selection amongst their rela- 
tives or friends. 



1 ; i i: BAP* 

It' the r.-ivm ted .-it the bouse of the parent 

e iiniM be ssn( to l be bouse of to , him 

to th.' boa a of the parent*, and wait until saaeoy, to 

rey him borne again. It is extremely rude 
man to provide his own oonweyanee, or to walk. 

Friends invited to ;i christening usually can . the 

babe; gentlemen ;i gift of silver, and ladies some pretty piece of 
Qewerk. 
If the ceremony Is performed in the house or if 

th" guests return there from the church, tfa ohinent 

quired by etiquette are cake and wine. 

The father of the child usually gives a present of money to the 
nurse who carries the babe t > the chsrcsk 

It is not etiquette to remain long at a christening; aad it is 
better taste for the infant to be removed t.> the i 
the ceremony is over. To keep a weary mother sitting up <■ 
tabling guests, or a cross, tired child on exhibition, are eitiae 
them in bad taste. 

For a guest to show any annoyance if a child cries loudly, or i^ 
in any way troublesome, is the height of rudeness. Rema-i. 
even frowns are forbidden entirely, even if the infant screan H 
make the voice of the clergyman entirely inaudible. 
[uette requires that the babe be praised if ii n to the 

guests, even if it is a little monster of pink ugliness. I. 
pecially mothers, p iil * * something beautiful, if only its helpless in- 
nocence, and gentlemen must behold infantile graces, if they cannot 
actually behold them. " Mother's darling " must be the great at- 
traction at a christening, if it only impro 
^siuii of yells. 



ETIQUETTE FOR FUNERALS. 131 



ETIQUETTE FOE FUNEEALS. 

When the saddest of all the ceremonies of this life calls forth 
the sympathy of friends and relatives, there are many little points 
the observance of which evinces a delicate consideration for the 
mourners, and a respect for the melancholy occasion. 

In entering the house of mourning, a gentleman must remove 
his hat in the hall, and not replace it while in the house. 

Loud talking in the chamber of death is a rudeness which shows 
not only a want of respect for the dead, but a want of considera- 
tion for the grief of the survivors. 

All quarrels must be forgotten in the presence of death. Ene- 
mies who meet at a funeral are bound by etiquette, if not by feel- 
ing, to salute each other with quiet gravity. 

Whilst the body of the dead remains in the house, no visitor 
must expect to see the members of the bereaved family, and no 
offence may be taken if admission is refused to the nearest friends. 

The formalities necessary upon the death of a member of a 
family entail upon the survivors many painful interviews, many 
directions, and often most harrowing discussions. It is, therefore, 
customary to entrust these details to some relative or friend, who, 
while near enough to carefully direct the affairs, is yet able to bear 
the trying details better than the members of the immediate fam- 
ily. It is best to select some one accustomed to the discharge of 
this duty, and more prudent to name a limit for the expenses. 

Where there are no funeral arrangements made in the will, the 
person taking this charge may ask one interview with the near- 
est relative, but after that, relieve them of all care in the matter. 
If there is no friend who can undertake these trying duties, it is 
then customary to make the undertaker the master of the painful 
ceremonies. 

To surround the funeral ceremonies with great parade and pomp 
is usually more of a vain and ostentatious display than an act of 
respect towards the dead ; at the same time, any meanness or par- 
simony is in bad taste. The expenses should be governed by the 
position of the deceased, and the means of the survivors. 



L82 FOR FUNERALS, 

if invitations are moI out, it I i-y i<» have i Dumber 

printed, and sent to the friends. The following is the usual form: 

• v. u ire respectfully invited to attend the funeral <»f J. J. C , 

on Wednesday, the 24th of May. 1^ — ; at 10 o'clock a.m . from his 
late residence, No. 171 street To proceed to Laurel Hill 

( 'ellirterv." 

Or, it" the services are not at the lion 

• You are respect fully invited to attend the funeral of J. J. C , 

from the church of the incarnation, on Wednesday, the 21th of 
May, at lo o'clock a.m. To proceed to Laurel Hill Cemetery.' 1 

It is contrary to the rules of etiquette to send these invitations 
by post, 

A list of the persona invited must be given to the person direct- 
ing the funeral ceremonies, and he will give the undertaker a list 
of the order in which the guests are to he placed in the carris 
if t\m funeral leaves the city, or the order of the procession if the 
guests go to the grave on foot. 

If the invitation is given through the newspapers, the words 
'''without further notice" must be added, and the guests will not 
expect another invitation. Tin 4 list is then omitted, and no especial 
order observed in placing the quests in carriages or procession. 

Guests invited to a funeral must not present themi Tore 

the hour appointed, when the corpse is generally exposed for the 
last gaze of the friends. It is customary for the family to pay 
their last visit to the coflin just before that hour, and all intntf 
is against the customs of society. 

The corpse usually is exposed in a drawing-room, and the fam- 
ily assemble in another apartment, if the services are to be con- 
ducted in church, and the guests go from the house there. If, 
however, the guests are invited to meet the funeral in church, the 
collin is usually placed in front of the chancel, with the lid re- 
moved, and friends pass, from the feet to the heady up one aisle and 
down another, after the services are over. 

If the quests assemble at the house of the deceased, it is cus- 
tomary for some near relative. ii"t of the immediate family, to re- 
ceive them, and do the honors of the occasion, 

The ladies of the family are never expected to \ at 

a funeral; but it is optional with the gentlemen. Strict i 
at the present day denies the Ladies of the family the privilege of 



ETIQUETTE FOR FUNERALS. 133 

following the corpse from the house ; but it is a custom " more 
honored in the breach than in the observance." 

When the funeral procession is ready to start, the clergyman 
leaves the house first, and enters a carriage, which precedes the 
hearse. Then follows the coffin, which is placed in the hearse ; 
the next carriage is for the immediate family and relatives. Guests 
stand uncovered while these mourners pass them, no salutation 
being expected. 

The gentleman who does the honors should precede the family 
as they pass from their room to the carriages, assist them in, close 
the door, and motion the driver to move slowly forward, and to the 
next carriage to drive up to the door. 

The same order is observed at the church door, where the mas- 
ter of ceremonies assists the mourners to leave and re-enter the 
carriages. 

When the private carriage of the deceased follows the hearse, it 
should be empty, and precede the other carriages. 

If the friends go on foot, and the weather is cold, the gentlemen 
may wear their hats ; but if the weather is mild, it is customary 
to walk uncovered, with the hat in the right hand. 

If the hat is worn, it must be removed as the coffin passes from 
the hearse to the church, when the guests form a double line, 
down which it is carried, and the same line and observance must 
be made after the service, as the coffin is carried from the church 
to the hearse again. 

If lady friends attend a funeral, if they are not in mourning, 
they should wear grave, quiet colors. To go to a funeral in a gay 
dress is insulting. 

Upon the coffin of an infant or young person, it is customary to 
place a wreath of white flowers. 

Upon the coffin of a married person, a cross of white flowers is 
usually placed. 

Upon the coffin of an army or navy officer, the hat, epaulets, 
sword, and sash are placed, and it is customary to use the flag to 
cover the coffin. 

A sufficient number of carriages should be provided to carry all 
invited guests to the cemetery. 

At the cemetery, the priest or clergyman walks in advance of 
the coffin, and the others alight from the carriages and stand 
around the grave. 



[84 ETIQUETTE FOB PI * i i:\i.y. 

After tl: v.* the cemef mary for 

the 'viuni to the boose of the mourners ; but each may, 

on re entei tag the carrii I the driver in a low tone, ■ 

to drive li in. 

The family physician, if able to attend the funeral, should l. 
:t in the carriage following that of the immediate family. 

The earriage nasi be *en1 for the priest or clergyman in tisse 

for him to be punctually at tic house at the appointed h 

If L r ifts of flowers arc scut to the mourners, they must be white 
only, and scut on the day of the funeral early < !„• ased 

in the decoration of the coffin. 

If pall-bearers are invited, they must be immediate friends of the 

deceased. 

It is a foreign custom of much beauty and si^nifn- 
young children for pall-bearers for infants and children 

them in wliite, and draping the coffin in white, trimm 
fringe and cords. 

If gloves and crape bands are distributed to the gentlemen 
quests, they must be handed them when they first enter the house. 
It is a gross violation of etiquette to make any selection in such 
a ; nobody expects to have gloves so given as to fit the hands ; 
but they mast be worn. It is far more elegant to present your- 
self already provided with black kid gloves on your hands, ami 
allow the undertaker to provide you only with the crape. 

Friends in deep mourning are not expected to pay \ i »n- 

dolence. and are excused from accepting funeral invitations ; but 
all others are expected to accept them. It is but a poor compli- 
ment to your friends to attend their dinners, receptions, balls, and 
parties, and refuse to be present when they are in affliction, or to 
pay the last act of respect to the memory of those they love. 

During the week following a funeral, friends should leave their 
cards for the family of the deceased, and call again about a CstS- 
night later, asking then to see the members of the family. 

It is not Customary to ask to see the family of I I 1 friend 

before the funeral ; but cards should be sent, and otic 
Bent by note. 

The lady friend nearest the family, Or a relative not of the im- 

mediate family, is th.' proper person t i - : for 

the ladies of the family, an 1 I that 

for the gentlemen. 



ETIQUETTE FOR FUNERALS. 135 

No member of the immediate family of the deceased should 
leave the house between the death and the funeral upon any er- 
rand or pretext. 

At the funeral of a mounted officer, his horse, fully equipped, 
and draped in mourning, should be led by a servant after the 
hearse. 

If the deceased belonged to any society, as Free Masons, Odd 
Fellows, or such organization, the society should be invited through 
a note sent to the President, and they will send word to the mas- 
ter of ceremonies if there is any especial order in which they 
wish to follow the corpse, or any form or ceremony peculiar to 
that order which they would like observed. These invitations, if 
given through the newspapers, should carefully specif}^ the lodge 
or order to which the deceased belonged. The regalia in such 
cases is usually displayed on the coffin-lid, but removed before the 
coffin leaves the house. 

White plumes are customary on the hearse of a young person, 
and black ones for married and elderly people. 

It is not customary to send invitations to the funeral of a per- 
son who has died of contagious disease, and the statement of the 
malady in the newspapers is generally accepted by the friends as 
an excuse for the omission of invitations. 

In visiting a cemetery, it is an act of rudeness to stand near a 
lot where mourners are assembled, or in any way to notice those 
who are decorating the graves of friends. No time can be named 
when the delicate attentions and observances of etiquette are more 
grateful than when sorrow is heavy on the heart. 



l.:»; it: OP THE STUDIO. 



ETIQUETTE OF THE STUDIO. 

Ti : pplicable to visitors lo art- 

studios, which it will be well to note, the more so because they 
are special, and might not suggest thetnsetres, as a matter of 
coarse, even to those t<> whom Nature p r ese n ted the whole cede of 
etiquette when she gave them a gentle disposition. 

It I [netteto ask an artist the price of hi si at 

siizlit. 

If a visitor sees a painting <»r a piece of statuary which he 
Wish ka Bimply that he may have the refu-al of 

it ; or he says to the artist ■ ■■ I nre, if it is 

not disposed of." Afte 

the price, of which he i> informed by the artist, in writing. 
Should the price be larger than the vrould-1 

ive, lie writes again to that effect, and it is do breach of eti- 
quette to name the sum which he wished to spend upon the 
of art. This gives an opportunity to the artist of lowering his 
price. 

It is not customary, he i baggie about and the 

correspondence should not be ca her than anon 

it be an intimation from the artist that lie will accept the tSTBH of 
the purchaser, and that the picture is subject to h and 

will be sent to him on further instructions. 

Some portrait painters have a practice which, for obvious rea- 
cannot be adopted by painters of general subjects. They 
bave a card hung up in a conspicuous part of the studio, sfcoi 
the price at which they will execute portraits of the sizes given. 
At the bottom of this C ally an intimation that 

half the price must be paid after the first sitting, the remainder 

when the port ipl A 1. 

would be well if 

artist only by what it will bring, and it is qu 



ETIQUETTE OF THE STUD JO. 137 

wealth of the buyer, or his known admiration for good paintings, 
may reasonably make a difference in the sum asked by the artist, 
'Who might ask a lower price of a man whom he knew could not 
afford so much. There is nothing wrong in this, for an artist has 
as much right to get as much more than the minimum price 
of his picture as anybody else has to get the best price for his la- 
bor or his merchandise. 

Portrait painting is. however, pretty much a repetition of the 
same sort of work, and the artist would be the last man in the 
world to admit that there could be such difference in the exe- 
cution of the work as to warrant a scale of prices in conformity 
therewith. 

It is not etiquette to visit the studio of an artist excepting by 
special invitation, and then only at the hours he may appoint. To 
go at any other time is ill-bred ; for although he may be there, he 
will probably be unwilling to be disturbed at his work. 

It is ill-bred to take a young child to visit the studio of an art- 
ist, as there are generally articles there of value and easily broken 
or soiled ; and even if the child is well trained, the owner of such 
articles would be in terror lest they should be ruined. 

It is excessively ill-bred to criticize harshly, in the presence of 
an artist, the works displayed in his studio. Extravagant praise is 
also in bad taste. A few cordial words of praise and pleasure 
should, of course, be spoken, and a friend may sometimes point 
out where improvements could be made ; but it is a thankless task 
generally, and it is in much better taste to leave all* criticism to 
the public journals, when the paintings are on public exhibition. 

It is against the rules of etiquette to keep an artist waiting, if 
you are sitting for a portrait. His time is of value to him, what- 
ever yours may be to you ; and it is equally rude to detain him 
after the sitting is over. His politeness may hinder him from even 
hinting to you that you are trespassing upon his hours for work, 
though he may be fretting silently at your rudeness in so doing. 

It is contrary to the rules of etiquette to look around a studio 
in which you may be sitting for a portrait, unless you are invited 
by an artist to do so. 

It is against the rules of etiquette to ask to see an unfinished 
picture, even if it is one that is being painted by your own order. 

To uncover any picture or article in a studio that may be veiled 



TABLE ETIQUETTE. 

or hidden from riew is extremely rude. It La equally to to turn .1 
picture thai ii hung t<> tee 1 1 1* - wall, or standing facing 

nUefnen musl aerer sm< cially u> 

lite 1 by tlM ei tisl t<> do 

To whisper in a studio rirely ill-bred ; for although you 

stay make a remark entirely UMJepeadeot of ni sjod you. 

y»>u may real assured yoo wfll have the baring ridiculed or 

censured bosjm of the pictures you have been in eKsnine. 

To behave in a studio as if you were in a store pictures, 

inquiring about what is for public exhibition, what is not ; who 
ordered this picture or thai ; whose portrait this or that may be ; 
or in any way reminding the artist that his genius is merchandise, 
is rude and indV Lieate. 

It is against the rules of etiquette to handle the pictures or 
Other articles in a studio. 

It is extremely rude, if an artist continues his employment dur- 
ing a visit to his studio, for the visitor to stand behind him, or very 
near him. or in any way to seem, to watch his work. 



TABLE ETTQFETTE. 

It is impossible for a lady or gentleman to aet with p er f act oa<* 
and graceful manner at table when in company, at a hotel or any 

public place, unless they habitually pay attention to those minor 
points of etiquette, which form so distinctive a mark of perfectly 
good breeding. Habitual neglect of the courtesies and etiqu 
of the table will make them appear awkward restraints upon 1 

- when they are important. If the father or mother of a fam- 
ily accustom the children, by example as well as precept, to be 
attentive and polite to each other at every meal, they nee d W 
fear thai they will sham.' them by rudeness or awkwardness \\h m 
■ 
liven when a person habitually eats alone, it is bel 1 so 

tquette, th. 
of awkwardness may DOl b it will be dlfficu] 

shake oil* when in company. 



TABLE ETIQUETTE. 139 

To make noises when eating, sucking soup with a gurgling 
sound, chewing meat noisily, swallowing as if with an effort, 
smacking the lips, or breathing heavily while masticating food, are 
all marks of low breeding. 

It is a bad habit to put large pieces of food into the mouth. If 
you are addressed suddenly with your mouth so filled, you are 
obliged to make an awkward pause before answering, or to run 
the risk of choking by swallowing the great mouthful too hastily. 
Never open the napkin entirely, but let it lie on the lap, partly 
folded. 

Sit neither very near nor very far from the table. 
It is rude to move your arms at table so as to incommode those 
on either side of you. 

Ladies should, after seating themselves, endeavor to draw their 
skirts into a space that will not crowd those seated beside them. 

To lean back in the chair is rude, and surely no gentleman 
would ever be guilty of tipping his chair at table. Sit erect, not 
stiffly, but in an easy position. 

Bread must always be broken, never cut, and certainly never 
bitten. 

If a plate is sent to you filled with the food you have selected, 
keep it, as others may not have the same choice ; if the plate con- 
tain one dish, such as pie or pudding, you may pass it on to those 
beside j^ou, and wait till others above you are served before re- 
serving a plate for yourself. 

To eat very fast is inelegant ; to eat very slowly bears an air of 
affectation. Try to preserve the happy medium. 

It is a good plan to accustom yourself to eat with the left hand, 
and thus avoid shifting your knife and fork from one hand to the 
other. 

A gentleman will always see that ladies are served before .eating 
himself. 

Avoid making any noise on your plate with your knife and fork. 
It is against all rules of etiquette to soak up gravy with bread, 
to scrape up sauce with a spoon, or to take up bones with the 
fingers. 

Never cross the knife and fork on a plate until you have finished 
eating. 

Never hold your knife and fork erect in your hands at each side 
of your plate, when conversing at the table. 



Hi) TABLE ETIQUETTE. 

Newer ask for a second )i*l i >i 1 1 lt. Ii Lb the duty of those at the 
head and toot of the table to offer it. 

To blow soup t«> cool ii. <»r to pour tea or cofl I Mincer 

for the same purpose, are acts of awkwardness m in pa- 

Wait until they are eool enough to be pleasant 

Use the salt-spoon, batter-knife, and sugar-tongs even when you 
arc alone. 

If y<>n want to cough, sneeae, or blow your nose, leave the tabic 
it' you have not time, turn away your head, and lean baea in your 

chair. 

To j, ass a plate With a knife or fork upon it, Of a cup with a 
spoon in it. arc acts of rudeness. Put your spoon in the saucer, 
and your knife and fork OD the table, until you are served. 

Never hurry away from the table as soon as you Jini-h eating, 
if others remain to converse. If you are obliged to leave before a 
meal is finished or immediately alter, ask to be excused foi 
doing, and apologize for the necessity. 

Never mention at the table any subject that is likely to disf 
others. It is a piece of rudeness only too common, and is to be 
severely censured. Many who are utterly without affectation are 
really sensitive on such points, and their meal and comfort are 
both spoiled if disgusting associations are suggested at table. 

At home, if you use a napkin-ring, f«»ld your napkin and replace 
it in the ring when you have done with it. If you are dining out. 
uever fold your napkin, but place it beside your plate. 

None but a clown would use the table-cloth for a napkin, pick 
his teeth with his fork, put his fingers in his plate, or wipe : 
with his napkin. 

If you are unfortunate enough to find anything disgusting in 
your food — a hair in the soup, a coal in the bread, a worm in the 
fruit, or a fly in your coflee — do not loudly exclaim, or disturb the 
appetite of others by mention of your mishap. Remove th< 
ing object quietly, or change your cup or plate without remark. 

The French poet. Delille, tells of an interview oself 

and Marmoutel, which rather humorously points out how table eti- 
quette may change. 

I). -bile and Marmoutel we bher, in the month of 

A • .1. 1786, an I the to turn upon dinj 

table customs, Marmoutel observe 1 b irell- 



TABLE ETIQUETTE. 141 

bred man was obliged to know, if he would avoid being ridiculous 
at the table of his friends. 

" They are, indeed, innumerable," said Delille, " and the most 
annoying fact of all is, that not all the wit and good sense in the 
world can help ona to divine them untaught. A little while ago, 
for instance, the Abbe Cosson, who is Professor of Literature at 
College Mazarin, was describing to me a grand dinner to which he 
had been invited at Versailles, and to which he had sat down in 
the company of peers, princes, and marshals of France. 

" ' I'll wager now,' said I, ' that you committed a hundred blun- 
ders in the etiquette of the table.' 

" ' How so V replied the Abbe, somewhat nettled. l What blun- 
ders could I make 1 It seems to me that I did precisely as others 
did.' 

" ' And I, on the contrary, would stake my life that you did 
nothing as others did. But let us begin at the beginning, and see 
which is right. In the first place, there was your table napkin — 
what did you do with that when you sat down to table V 

" ' What did I do with my table napkin 1 Why, I did like the 
rest of the guests : I shook it out of the folds, spread it before 
me, and fastened one corner to my button-hole.' 

" 'Very well, mon cher, you were the only person who did so. 
No one shakes, spreads, and fastens a table napkin in that manner. 
You should have only laid it across your knees. What soup had 
you?' 

" ' Turtle.' 

" c And how did you eat it V 

" ' Like every one else, I suppose. I took my spoon in one hand 
and my fork in the other.' 

" ' Your fork 1 Good heavens ! None but a savage eats soup 
with a fork. But go on. What did you take next V 

" 'A boiled egg.' 

" ' Good. And what did you do with the shell V 

" ' Not eat it, certainly. I left it, of course, in the egg-cup.' 

" ' Without breaking it through with your spoon V 

" ' Without breaking it.' 

" ' Then, my dear fellow, permit me to tell you that no one eats 
an egg without breaking the shell, and leaving the spoon standing 
in it. And after your egg V 

" ' I asked for some houillV 



1 |2 TABLE 1 '/:. 

For homOif [< b i term thai do one uses* You should have 
Baked for beef B*. Well, and after the homUUf 

•• • I Baked the Abbe* de Badenrillaifl foe some fowL 1 
11 • Wretched mail I Fowl indeed I Y<>u should bate a^k--d for 
chicken or capon. The word " fowl " it never heard oni of the 
kitchen. But all this applies only to whal you ate; tell me some- 
thing of what yon drank, and how won asked for it.' 

'• ' 1 aaked rerChampagne and Bordeaux from those who had 
the bottles before them." 

ui Know, then, my good friend, thai only a waiter, who has no 

time or breath to spare, asks for Champagne or Bordeaux. A 
gentleman asks for Yin de Champagne and Yin de Bordeaux. 

lint now Inform me how you ate your bread. 1 

M ' Undoubtedly like all the resl of the world: I cut it up into 
small square pieces with my knife.' 

'• 'Then let me tell you that no one cuts bread ; you should al- 
ways break it. Let us go on to the coffee. How did you drink 
yours v 

" ' Pshaw ! At least, I could make no mistake in that. It was 
boiling hot; so I poured it, a little at a time, in the saucer, and 
drank it as it cooled.' 

" ' Eh bien ! Then you assuredly acted as no other irentlenian 
in the room. Nothing can be more mlgar than to pour tea or 
coffee into a saucer. You should have waited till it cooled, and 
then have drunk it from the cup. And now v<>u see, my dear 
cousin, that so far from doing precisely as tl did. yon 

acted in no one respect according to the laws prescribed by eti- 
quette.' " 



ETIQUETTE WITH CHILDREN. 143 



ETIQUETTE WITH CHILDEEN. 

It is against the rules of strict etiquette to take a child when 
making formal calls, as they are a restraint upon conversation, 
even if they are not troublesome about touching forbidden articles, 
or leasing to go home. 

Never take a child to a funeral, either to the house of mourning 
or to the cemetery. 

Never allow a child to take a meal at a friend's house without 
special invitation. It is impossible to know how much she may be 
inconvenienced, while her regard for the mother would deter her 
from sending the little visitor home again. 

Never allow a child to handle goods in a store. 

Never send for children to meet visitors in the drawing-room, 
unless the visitors themselves request to see them. Make their 
stay then very brief, and be careful that they are not troublesome. 

Never take a child to church until it is old enough to remain 
perfectly quiet. Although you may be accustomed to its restless 
movements, and not disturbed by them, others near you will cer- 
tainly feel annoyed by them. 

It is not etiquette to put a child to sleep in the room of a guest, 
nor to allow children to go at all to a guest's room, unless espe- 
cially invited to do so, and even then to make long stay there. 

Etiquette excludes children from all companies given to grown 
persons, from all parties and balls, excepting such as are given es- 
pecially given for their pleasure. 

When invited to walk or drive, never take a child, unless it has 
been invited, or you have requested permission to do so ; even in 
the latter case, the consent is probably given more from good- 
nature than from any desire to have a juvenile third to the party. 

Never crowd children into pic-nic parties, if they have not been 
invited. They generally grow weary and very troublesome before 
the day is over. 

Never take a child to spend the day with a friend unless it has 
been included in the invitation. 

Never allow children to be in the drawing-room if strangers are 
present. 



1 1 1 7 OBILDRl 

\< children to handle the o ing- 

rooni of ■ friend. 

.«•! aDon a child to pull • visitor's dress play irith the Jewel- 
ry or ornaments she may v fcchel for a 
plaything, or in any way annoy her. 

Train children raily to answer politely when sflrti wad 
reetli motions when in company -ally inculcate 

a love of the gentle courtesies of Rfe. By making the ri.l 

etiquette babitna] to them, you remove all awfcwai I re- 

straint from their maimers when they are oM enough to go into 
society. 

rer send a child to sit upon a sofa with gTOWQ people. 01 I 

they express a desire t<> have it do m>, 

Never crowd a child into a carriage seat between two grown 

people. 

Never allow a child to play with me. 

If children are talented, he careful you do not your 

friends, and destroy their own modesty by M showing them "If." 
upon Improper occasions. What may seem wonderful to an in- 
terested mother, may be an onnttterable wearii too 
polite to .allow the mother to perceive the incipient yawn. 

Never allow children to visit upon the invitation of other chil- 
dren. When they are invited by the older members of the family, 
it is time to put on their " best bibs and tu 

Never take children to a house of mourning, even if you are an 
intimate friend. 

The custom for having children in the drawing-room for morn- 
ing or evening parties, or in the dining-room with the dessert at 
dinner companies, is not only often an annoyance to the guests, 
but had for the children themseb 

It is one of the first duties of parents to train their children at 
home as they would have them appear abroad. An English lady 
writes thus : 

'• If. then, we desire that our children shall become ladies and 
gentlemen, can we make them s«>. think you. by lavishing money 
updo foreign | foreign travel, tail 

and dressmakers 7 Ah l breeding stfy, and 

begins far earlier thao those things Let our little ones be nur- 
tured in an atmosphere of gentleness and kindness from the 



GAMES WITH CARDS. 145 

nursery upwards ; let them grow up in a home where a rude 
gesture or an ill-tempered word are alike unknown ; where between 
father and mother, master and servant, mistress and maid, friend 
and friend, parent and child, brother and sister, prevails the law 
of truth, of kindness, of consideration for others, and forgetful- 
ness of self. Can they carry into the world, whither we send them 
later, aught of coarseness, of untruthfulness, of slatternliness, of 
vulgarity, if their home has been orderly, if their parents have 
been refined, their servants well mannered, their friends and play- 
mates kindly and carefully trained as themselves 1 Do we want 
our boys to succeed in the world ; our girls to be admired and 
loved ; their tastes to be elegant ; their language choice ; their 
manners simple, charming, refined, and graceful ; their friendship 
elevating ? then we must ourselves be w T hat w T e would have our 
children to be, remembering the golden maxim, that good man- 
ners, like charity, must begin at home. 

" Good manners are an immense social force. We should, there- 
fore, spare no pains to teach our children what to do, and w T hat to 
avoid doing, in their pathway through life. 

" On utilitarian as well as social principles, w r e should try to in- 
struct our children in good manners ; for whether we wish them 
to succeed in the world, or to adorn society, the point is equally 
important. We must never lose sight of the fact, that here teach- 
ers and professors can do little, and that the only way in which it 
in possible to acquire the habits of good society is, to live in 
no other." 



GAMES WITH CABDS. 

Married ladies and elderly gentlemen are allowed to claim 
precedence at the card- table, over single young ladies and the 
younger men. Ladies of " a certain age," if single, can claim the 
privileges of the card-table with married ladies. 

Etiquette does not require any one to play unwillingly. It is 
very rude to urge the request, as many have conscientious scruples 
on this matter, though they may not care to wound the feelings of 
those playing by proclaiming them. 



1 \i) \ME3 WITH CAM1 

It is not l;' and therefore it is no! etiquette, to re- 

fuse to play, If there we do sucl when the refusal 

a game being made op. 

■mi' should attempt to play whist, for allv 

moderately well. It is no! fair to impose a poor part 

upon one who may be really fond of tl d | la; well. 

It Ka not etiquette for those very fond of card playing to victira- 

every guest by producing cards whenever they call, whether 

they care lor playing or not. Many will play from L fi 

who would prefer t-> pass the time in conversation. 

Husband and wife or any partners who may be raj 
intimately acquainted with each other's play, should not play to- 
gether. It is taking an unfair advantage of the other couple for 
them to play partners. 

If playing for stakes, the gentleman pays for hfa lad} ]»artner in 
tlie (went of loss ; but does not receive her winnings. 

All violations of the known rules of the game are violations of 
the laws of etiquette as well. Yet. if such violations are made, 
they should be pointed out in a quiet and courteous manner, not 
made the subject of violent dispute or censure. Any altercations 
are violations of the laws of etiquette. Loss ( »f temper, no matter 
how continuous the ill luck, is a breach of manners ; so are objur- 
gations of one's partner's performances, and criticisms on the play 
of partner or adversary. In whist, as in marriage, the partner is 
taken for better for worse, ami in neither case should an ill 
COUple try to make matters worse than they are by grumbling and 
L r rowliim at each other. 

It is a breach of etiquette to talk constantly upon other subj- 
whilst engaged in a game of cards. Whist, as all good play 
know, is a game that requires close attention, and almost absolute 
Bflence ; and the other games can be much disturbed by talking. 

To converse with those who are not playing i^ still worse. It is 
a violation of all courtesy to allow the attention to be diverted at 
all. If addr esse d while at the name, make your ant brief 

;is politeness will permit, and give your whole attention to the 

game again* No one can play so well with divided attention; and 

yon maybe certain it is an annoy:i D if your 

opponent does not object to it. 

Any appearance of an understanding I as 



GAMES WITH CARDS. 147 

smiles, nods, or winks, are gross violations, not only of the laws of 
the game, but of good manners. 

To finger the cards whilst they are being dealt, is a breach of 
good manners. Even if you do not violate the laws of the game 
by actually looking at them, you are committing an error in eti- 
quette by seeming to be in any way aware of their existence be- 
fore you are at liberty to take them in your hand. 

Never start a conversation that would lead to long argument or 
discussion in the pauses of the game. Small talk, chit-chat, is 
certainly admissible whilst the cards are being dealt, but only upon 
topics which can be readily dropped when the play is again the 
leading subject. 

To play cards with an air of w T eariness or abstraction is posi- 
tively rude. If you are not interested in the game, strive to ap- 
pear so, and if you are not equal to that, you had better stop 
playing. 

Try to avoid argument upon nice points in playing. Even if 
you are right, it is more courteous to yield to your adversary than 
to keep others waiting whilst you prove your position. 

Etiquette by no means requires stakes of money. If counters 
are not provided for betting games, you may refuse to bet, without 
any breach of good manners. 

In your own house, never offer guests any but new cards to play 
with. 

It is a violation of etiquette to propose card-playing in another 
person's house. This is the privilege of the host or hostess, and 
if they do not suggest the amusement, it is absolutely rude for 
any one else to do so. 

It is a breach of etiquette to hurry others who are playing. 
Nothing annoys a deliberate player more than to have a partner 
or adversary constantly saying, " Come, play ; it is your turn 
now," or, " We are all waiting for you." 

Even if you take no pleasure in cards, some knowledge of the 
etiquette and rules belonging to the games most in vogue will be 
useful to you, unless you object upon principle to playing. If so, 
it is better at once to state the fact. If not, and a fourth hand is 
wanted at a rubber, or if the rest of the company sit down to a 
round game, you will be deemed guilty of a want of politeness if 
you refuse to join. 



1 is VISITING CAM 

The :.icst common are whist, loo, euchre, and 

speculation. 

Whist requires four players. A pack of ipread 

i the table, with their faces downward, the four players draw 

for partners. Those who draw the two I -1 those who 

draw die two lowest, become partne i 
the <l<'al. 
In declaring that married people may nol play table, 

sty by no means understands anything e dis- 

honest collusion; but persons who play regularly t j innot 

fail to know so much of each other's mode of acting under given 
circumstances that the chances no longer remain perfectly even in 
favor of their adversaries. 



VISITING CARDS. 

The fashion of cards is a variable one. It may be the fashion 
to-day to have them large, square, and printed upon rougfa sur- 
faces ; to-morrow they may be small, long, and highly gb 
now they are engraved ; now written. In (act, there are too 

many freaks and changes to mention all: hut etiquette requires 
always perfect simplicity. An ornamental visiting card is simply 
detestable. 

(llazcd cards are not now in vogue, but they may be a^ain, and 

ladies" cards are cut much smaller than those used by gentlemen. 

Persons who have a city and country residence must have two 

of cards, with the residence at the time of calling engraved 

on the left-hand corner, thus 

MUS. JOHN POTTS, 

No. 27 B i rest, 

while Mrs. potts is in the city 

MKS. JOHN POTTS, 

when Mrs. Potts is oui of town. 
Visiting cards must never b 



VISITING CARDS. 149 

All merely honorary or official designations must be omitted, ex- 
cept in cards designed for official visits only. 

Officers of the army or navy may use their title or not, as pre- 
ferred, as : 

CAPT. JAMES BURNS, 

U. S. A., 
Or, 

JAMES BURNS, 

U. S. A., 

are either of them correct, the former having the advantage of 
putting the receiver in possession at once of his visitor's rank, the 
latter allowing scope for promotion or change of title. For mil- 
itia officers to use their titles upon visiting cards is a piece of af- 
fectation utterly absurd. Members of Congress are always entitled 
to use the " Hon." before the name on their visiting cards, even 
after their term of office has expired. Judges and physicians are 
also allowed to use their titles ; but no other professional men. 

Cards should be engraved in simple Italian characters, and with- 
out flourish, embossed surface, or even ostentatiously large letters. 

Every visiting card should have the address in small letters in 
the left-hand corner. If used when in a strange city, the usual 
address may be scored in lead-pencil, and the temporary one 
written under the name, thus : 

MR. and MRS. WILLIAM LEIGH, 

No. 207 Street. St. James Hotel. 

It is optional with unmarried ladies to use the prefix to their 
names. 

Gentlemen without military, naval, official, or professional titles 
generally omit any prefix, but may use the abbreviation " Mr." if 
they desire. 

Autograph visiting cards are conceited affectations. The auto- 
graph of distinguished characters may be desirable ; but it is pre- 
cisely that class of people who would be least likely to use them. 
A neatly engraved card is en regie ; printed ones look cheap, and 
are not suitable for visiting. 

Persons in mourning should use cards with black borders. 



150 V131TWQ vamps. 

Young unmarried ladiei may dm separate cards, or may bave 

their names added to their mother's, thus: 

MRS. J08EPH B \M. 

Miss LTOI BANKS, 

Leave-takinn Oardl have I\ 1\ fj« | /■«■"■ R r i I ten in 

ithe rigbt-haod comer. 

Wedding cards arc in the best taste when perfectly simp 

It is a in-each of etiquette to leave a caul after being informed 
that the person visited is at borne. 

When you have been Informed of an important event in the fam- 
ily of a friend — a birth, a marriage, or a death — if you are un- 
able to oiler personal congratulation or condolenc e , you may | 
ird within a week. 

If you reside in another city, you may send your card by f>ost, 
with the word M felicitation " ! under the name. A mournful event 
calls for a letter. 

A card left for two or more members of the same family must 
have a corner turned down. 

A card with a photograph portrait upon it, though to a certain 
extent fashionable, is a vulgarism that can never obtain general 
favor, if you are a gentleman, your visage may be reserved by 
the chambermaid, to exhibit as M one of her beaux." and no lady, 
surely, would ever display her face on a visiting card. 

Gentlemen presenting flowers or other gifts to ladiei should al- 
ways attach a card, and over the name write, ; - With complmi 
of* .' 

Christmas gifts, when sent, should be accompanied bj the card 
of the giver. 

Loans of books or music, when returned, should always be ac- 
companied by the card of the borrower. 



LETTER WRITING, 151 



LETTEE WEITING. 

No one should write letters at all who cannot write in a clear, 
fair hand, that " those who run may read." In a busy age like 
the present, when every one's time has a certain value, we have no 
right to impose the reading of hieroglyphics upon our correspond- 
ents. "Fs " should be dotted, " t's " crossed, and capitals used in 
their proper places, and only the most obvious abbreviations in- 
dulged in. Punctuation is equally de regueur ; the most unimportant 
letters should be carefully punctuated ; and the habit is so easily 
acquired, and so simple, that after a while it entails no more time 
or thought than dotting the " i's." 

The handwriting of a lady or gentleman should not be commer- 
cial or scholastic, but firm and characteristic. All affectations in 
writing should be avoided, such as sloping one's hand to the 
left, the use of flourishes, undue size in the characters, or a dimin- 
utiveness of the same to try eyesight and patience. The signa- 
ture should be simple and unostentatious. Nothing can be more 
absurd than to see a person whose name can have no significance 
to the world in general, sign himself as elaborately as if he were 
the Pope or President at least. 

Underlining should only be resorted to when the underlined word 
is of really great importance. Many ladies carry this practice to 
excess, and so rob it of all significance, as a speaker who em- 
phasized every other word would not be heeded when he needed 
to be emphatic. What can be more absurd than such a sentence 
as the following : 

" We are all very sorry to hear that you cannot come to visit us 
this summer, as we expected, and wish your business was not so en- 
grossing" 

For the ordinary correspondence of a lady or gentleman it is 
advisable to use white note-paper of good quality, and the size 
distinguished as " commercial note." 

If monograms or initials are used, they should be as simple as 
possible, and in white or black only. Gilt or colored monograms 
are in bad taste. 



152 I 8 "•/-. 

Red u is admissible only for business b 

wafers ire entirely oof of style. 

in HKNurning, the paper and envelopes may bi i i border 

raiiable to the relationship of the dead, and the length of time the 

been worn. In the 
of Hack border are onbeoon 
always tmostentatfc 

r should contain erasures under any circun 

The stamp should be placed exactly in the right-hand corner of 
the envelope; it must neither be up-side-down, nor nor 

in any way carelessly affixed. Negligence in th< 
a rud e n e ss to the person to whom you write, as hinting that 
think anything will do. 

Blots and smears are almost too grots pit irelessne.^ 

be commented upon. After ten years of age, they are entirely in- 
excusable. 

Never omit your own name and ad dr ess from a letter, whether 
of business or friendship. 

In Writing to perso ns with whom you are but slightly acquainted. 
use as few words as possible. You are not authorized in taking 
np much of their time. It is only in correspondence with n 
intimate friends that long letters are permissible. If ne- 

cessitates a letter to a very busy person, p that 

it should be framed as curtly as i- consistent with civility and | 
M>ieuity. It is unpardonable to waste really valuable 
we do not choose to be at the trouble of concentrating our thong 
and sparing our words. 

In writing to our friends or acquaintances, we should never 
communicate bad news abruptly; but should load the way to it in 
such a manner as to soften the blow. A great deal of pan may 
be avoided by a proper choice of words. 

We should scrupulously avoid writing too frequently, or at 
great a Length, of our own losses and misfortunes. To do this is 
merely thoughtless egotism. We may have a right t«» expect sym- 
pathy from our friends, but we have D make our letters 
inflictions. Letters Bhould invariably be written cheerfully if I 

sible. and, at least; in a tone of resignation. 

An ill-tempered letter i^ as great a mi I larhryiii 

Nothing i- so Inexpedient as t>> writ.' a 1 ?tter in a lit oi' indig 



LETTER WRITING. 153 

tion and anger. If you must give way to your feelings, write 
your letter, but let it remain unposted until the next day ; read it 
over then, and you will probably put it in the fire. 

It is better, if possible, to seek an interview with the person who 
has wronged or affronted you. Spoken recrimination or reproof 
is forgotten ; but when you have once written down and issued 
your angry thoughts, they are irrevocable, and a sure source of 
after regret. 

In dealing with those who may have treated you unfairly, be 
civil in your letters. Be as haughty as you please, and state your 
grievance in plain, unvarnished terms, and there end. If the 
truth does not sting, nothing you can add to it will do so ; and vi- 
tuperation, though it does not injure the person upon whom you 
bestow it, injures your own cause, and detracts seriously from the 
proper dignity of your own position. 

In writing, as in conversation, egotism is a capital offence. We 
have no more right to be egotistic on paper than we have a right 
to be dull or disagreeable. A letter should be like a visit, bright, 
inspiriting, and a reflex of our best mood. Above all, it should be 
kind and sympathetic. 

There are letters whose arrival we hall as we should that of a 
new book by a delightful writer, or the visit of a brilliant ac- 
quaintance. 

Again, there are others, the delivery of which, anticipating all 
the dullness and verbosity with which they are certain to be filled, 
we dread like the incursions of a well-known bore. "Who would 
not wish to be the writer of the one 7 Who would not take any 
amount of pains with his correspondence to avoid being dreaded 
as the other 1 

Always answer any letter that may be addressed to you, no 
matter who the writer may be. If the letter be from one who has 
no business to write to you, nevertheless acknowledge it, and by 
your style and manner check further impertinence. Thus : 

Washington, D. C, Jan. 7th, 18—. 
Sir: 
I write to acknowledge the receipt of your letter of the 5th inst., ac- 
quainting me with your opinion of my speech in Congress on the 27th ultimo 
I am, sir, 

Your obedient servant, 

Mr. P. C. Littleton, James M. . 

Philadelphia. 



154 tmr wmii 

Bu ally have the name of the firm Of perSOD 

to whom tiny arc addicted written above the " Gentlemen. " or 

w Messrs. Dick 9l 3 1 ,1 1 i 

Or, 

u John I'. 

• Dear sir.* 1 

The name of the place from which the letter is written, the date, 
the lull Dams of writer and receiver, should be giTeo in some j,art 
of a letter. The practice of hflndinfj a note 'Monday/' without a 
date, and signing it M Charlie." is Yery embarrassing j it makes it 
difficult to answer a note unless immediately, when the day of the 
week can be readily identified with the day of the month, and 
when the receiver knows who his correspondent really is. 
this, in the event of the letter miscarrying, it cannot be returned 
if there be no surname Attached to the signature. A most impor- 
tant lawsuit in London was lost by a letter, of great value and 
nificanee otherwise, being dropped from the evidence for want of 
identification, being directed. '• Dearest Tootings/' and signed, 
u Your loving Poppets." It may seem absurd that a letter of 
Weight could contain such silliness : but it was a fact. 

Do not write on scraps of paper, as if your correspondence were 
not worth khfl cost of a proper sheet. Neither use old l 
turned, as some people are wont to do. 

Always be sure that your letter has sufficient stamps upon it to 
fully prepay its weight. 

Do not enclose stamps for an answer unless the matter be a busi- 
ness one, and your own proper ailair. 

Should you send manuscript subject to approval to an editor, 
enclose stamps sufficient to pay for its return. You have no \ . 
to put another to this expen ially as you already require 

from him a sacrifice of time, in order to look over what you have 
gent. 

Anonymous communications are both cowardly and ill-bred. 
Under no circumstances should they be w ritten. The tire is the 

only fit asylum far them when ret eived The Gunpowder Plot might 

have been revealed open-haudedly. an I kfcBff even 



LETTER WRITING, 155 

in that case nearly missed its aim. The only anonymous communi- 
cations which can be tolerated are the harmless missives called 
valentines. These, however, have fallen out of favor in polite so- 
ciety. Children and servants are the chief supporters of the man- 
ufacturers of the gorgeous love-letters. 

In writing to a person who is the guest of another, take care to 
place the name of the host or hostess on the cover of your letter. 
Some people address the letter in such a case to the host, and in- 
scribe the name of their correspondent in the left-hand corner, 
thus : 

James Gordon, Esq., 

No. 347 Street, 

New York. 
For Mrs. T. C. Bates. 

This practice is very likely to lead to an unintentional opening 
of the letter by the wrong person ; for a cursory glance at the 
cover would seem to show that the letter was intended for the per- 
son whose name was most prominent. The letter should have been 
directed, to the person for whom it was intended first, thus : 

Mrs. T. C. Bates, 

Care of James Gordon, Esq., 

No. 847 Street, 

New York. 

Unless very well acquainted with your correspondent, do not 
use terms implying intimacy. 

Business letters usually commence with " Sir," " Gentlemen," 
" Dear Sir," or " Dear Sirs," and end with, " I am, Sir (or Gentle- 
men), Your obedient servant," etc. 

Official letters invariably begin with the title of the person ad- 
dressed, and then " Sir," if a civilian or the rank of an officer. 

If the letter be to the head of a Department, to a high Govern- 
ment official, or to a superior officer, it is customary to write in a 
strain a little more deferential than ordinary, so that, instead of 
saying, as you would to a friend, "I have to acquaint you," " I 
have to acknowledge the receipt of your letter," you would say, 
" I have the honor to acknowledge." The ending, too, of such 
letters should be slightly different: "I have the honor to be, Gen- 
eral, Your obedient servant," taking the place of " I am, sir," etc. 



156 LETTER if'h'U 

In offii ;.-il e om nmnlotlons, m to al- 

low of notations being made for the purpose of firming an an- 
swer, and the backs of the pages should i><* lefl Man 
purj down quit" le the bottom 

of the page, bat to take ample room tor the snaetance of the Letter. 

(Jnless writing officially, of to some public not cus- 

tomary In this country to gire a man all the titles which maj 
Long to him. 

Remember thai "brevity Lathe sc.nl of n i. ■■ your Lett 

be conc is ely written, not too bluntly, but in i btfor- 

srard style, going at once to the subjects you desire to men! 
with as little preamble as possible, Use th< instead of the 

active voice. To do so prevents the continual thrusting forward 
of the first person singular into the letter, and L r iws a more mod- 
eat appearance to the text 

Short notes to strangers on business — as, for 
ence to the character of a servant, asking for some information, 
etc. — should be written in the third person singular, thus: 
14 Mrs. Wright presents her compliments to Mr-. Left, and will I 
obliged by any information respecting the characto r and qualifieataona of 
Jane Broom, who has applied lor a situation as housemaid in Mr.-. \s'i... 
household. 

m x >( . 27 F Street, Jan <Jth, 1SG9." 

Tlie answer Bhould also be written in tho third person, and 
should contain as mucb Information as possible n i the 

points inquired about, stating whether the Berva 
and truthful, and what is her experience of her disposition and 
habits. 

In writing to a servant, or to one considerably below your own 
station, the following form may be used : 

"Jane Broom is hereby informed that Mrs. Wright is willing to enj 
h< r ai housemaid from the 15th of January, 

"No. K P Street, Jan. loth, LSI 

Or this: 

" Jane Broom— your character U »ry, and you can enter my 

Vice on Batnrday, the l.">th ot January." 

Or this : 

"Mrs. Wright with Jane her 

that she iiny enter sirs, v. 

In sending any communication I inc. ad- 



THE LADY'S TOILET. 157 

dress to " The Editor," and not to any private person connected 
with the publication. By so doing, you will better secure atten- 
tion than if you trouble the editor at his own house by addressing 
him by his own name. Besides this, some one may be acting for 
the editor, and if he sees the packet addressed to the name of 
the absentee, he will not feel free to open it, but will send it to 
him, whereby confusion and delay, possibly loss of the manuscript, 
may ensue. 

There are six parts to every letter : the date, the complimentary 
address, the body of the letter, the complimentary closing, the 
signature, the address or superscription ; thus : 

[Date) Petersburg, Va., June 18th, 1869. 

{Complimentary address) J ames Munroe, Esq. : 

Dear Sir : 

(Body of the letter) Your most welcome letter, announcing your intention 
of visiting" our city, reached me this morning. I hasten to answer to beg that 
you will make my house your home during your stay, and inform me by 
what train I may expect you, that I may meet you at the depot. Leaving 
all else for the first conversation, 

{Complimentary closing) I am, my dear friend, 

• Yours very truly, 

{Signature) P. T. Jones. 

{Address or Superscription) 
James Monroe, Esq., 

Bangor, Maine. 



THE LADY'S TOILET. 

Perhaps, in these days of public and private baths, it may 
seem a work of supererogation to insist upon cleanliness as the 
first requisite in a lady's toilet. Yet it may be as well to remind 
our fair readers that fastidiousness on this head cannot be carried 
too far. Cleanliness is the outward sign of inward purity. Clean- 
liness is health, and health is beauty. 

We will begin, then, with the business of the dressing-room, 
which can be quite well performed in three-quarters of an hour, 
or even less ; and should at latest be achieved by eight o'clock in 
summer, and nine in winter. To sleep too much is as trying to 



[58 Tin: LAVTS TOILET, 

the constitution as to sloop loo littlo. To sleep too much is to 

render oneself liable to all kinds of minor ailments, both if mind 

and body It is a habit that cannot i ;• ee n s s w e d 66- 

1 1 1 \- in the young'. N<> mother has any right to allow her 

yOting daughters to ruin their temper, health and complexion. 
by lying in bed till nine or ton o'clock Karly r; Luces 

more to the pi osei f atlon of health, freshness, and young looks, 

than anything in the world, and even to the proper preservation 
of our mental faculties. 

Tho bath is a most important object of study. It is not to be 
supposed that we wash in order to become clean ; we wash because 
we Irish to remain clean. The bath should be taken by a person in 
pood health once a day in winter, and twice a day in summer. 
For persons of really robust constitutions, a cold shower-bath may 
be recommended ; but as a general rule the 

and most convenient. Cold water refreshes and h .but 

does not cleanse; those persons, therefore, who dally use a c<>M 
bath in the morning should frequently use a warm one at night 
For cleansing purposes, the water should be of from ninety-six to 
one hundred degrees, or even one hundred and eight degrees ; but 
such a bath should be sparingly indulged in, as it exhausts the 
physical powers, 

A tepid bath, varying from eighty-five to ninety-five degrees, is 
perhaps the safest for general use. the more particular}' as it answers 

the purpose both of refreshing and cleanafng. It is not well to 

remain in the bath for longer than two or three minutes. A large 
coarse sponge is best for the purpose. It is advisable to wot the 
top of the head before entering a cold bath. Whether soap be 
OSed or not, it is well to apply the flesh-brush gently to the face 
and vigorously to the whole body. Nothing improves the a m- 
plexion like the daily use of the flesh-brush. When the brushing 
is concluded, a huck-a-back or Turkish towel should be used for 
the final process of drying. 

The teeth must be scrupulously cared for. If proper care were 
taken of the teeth in youth, there would bo less employment for 
the dentist in after life. The Americans ruin their teeth by drink- 
ing iced drinks with hot dinners : the Spanish la<i 
sugar all daylong; the Mexicans by Mucking Very 

hot and verv sweet things Bhould be avoided. The teeth should be 



THE LADIES TOILET. 159 

carefully brushed, not only night and morning, but after every 
meal. Very hard tooth-brushes are not advisable, and a simple 
tooth-powder of common chalk is safer and more effectual than 
any quackeries. The onion, we need scarcely observe, must be 
the forbidden fruit of the Eve of the nineteenth century. Indi- 
gestible food is also certain to affect the sweetness of the breath. 
As soon as the breath becomes unpleasant, one may be quite sure 
that the digestive machinery is out of order. 

The nails must always be fastidiously clean, and never allowed 
to grow inordinately long. In the cutting of the nails, every care 
must be gvien to the preservation of the shape, and to the removal 
of superfluous skin. A liberal use of the nail-brush, warm water, 
and best Windsor soap will insure the preservation of a delicate 
hand. Gloves must of course be worn out of doors ; and even in- 
doors as much as possible. 

The hair requires a good deal of care, though of the simplest 
and most inartificial kind. The secret of fine and glossy hair is a 
clean hair-brush ; and ladies who keep no maid to perform those 
offices for them should wash their hair-brushes in hot water and 
soda every day. Every other day is the minimum of washing that 
a hair-brush should have. 

Once secure the perfect cleanliness of your hair-brush, and the 
rest will be easy. Brush the hair carefully both at night and 
morning ; let it be occasionally cleansed with yolk of egg beaten 
up, or a mixture of glycerine and lime-juice, and you will find no 
need to resort to hair-doctors or quacks. Pomade and oil are 
strictly to be avoided ; but after a sea-water bath, or during a sea 
journey, a little warm pomade will be useful in softening the hair. 

Above all things, never attempt to change the color of the hair 
by means of fashionable dyes and fluids. Color so obtained can- 
not harmonize naturally with the skin, eyes, and eyebrows that 
Nature has given. Practices of this kind are simply and strictly 
immodest. They evince a senseless desire for fashion, and an 
equally senseless eagerness to attract. Auricomus hair-dyes, like 
painted lips and cheeks, and pencilled eyebrows, and complexions 
purchased, are disgraceful to the wearers. With regard to the art 
of obtaining a good complexion, let ladies be careful in regard to 
diet, take regular exercise in the open air, wear broad-brimmed 
hats in the sun, and veils in the wind ; let them avoid pearl pow- 



1.;.) ////: CADI '& TOJLi J. 

end washes of every kind -, lot them, above all things, go 
times In the morning; and it by se doing 
they are no( made ■ beautiful forever, 1 ihey cai 

'I'll' bee should never be washed when healed (irasji 
Wipe i!i" perspiration from tin* skin, and wait u fficiently 

c m>] before yon bathe, even frith frarm water, 
(or tin* bath. In case of any eruption upon the skin, no time 
.should he Keel in procuring d Be who him- 

self, says the proverb, has a fool for his ph; 

With regard to dress, it is impossible to do mere than offer a 
few genera] observations. The fashion of d j but 

the sastheties of dress are for all time. No matter to what absurd 
lengths fashion may go, a woman of taste will ever avoid the 
ridiculous. The milliner and dressmaker may handle the 
never so despotically, but in matters of color, fa and con- 

trast they remain under the control of their employ. g } in- 

deed, may fairly claim to be considered in the light of ■ fine 
To dross well demands something more than a full purse and a 
pr e tty figure. It requires taste, good sense, and refinement. 

A woman of taste and good sense will neither make dress her 
first nor her last object in life. She will remember that n<> wife 
should betray that total indifference f<>r her husband's mate which 
is implied in the neglect of her appearance ; and she will also re- 
member that to dress consistently and tastefully is one of the 
duties which she owes to society. 

There is a Spanish proverb which says, (> Every hair has 
shadow.*' So. in like manner, every lady, however insignificant 
her social position may appear to herself, must i a certain 

influence on the toolings and opinions of others. If. therefore, the 
art of dressing appears either too irksome or too frivolous to such 
Of the fair sex as are engaged in serious occupations, let them re- 
member that it performs the same part in beautifying 
as is performed by music and the fine arts in embellishing the 
life moral and spiritual. So Ion. dress morel} 

cupies mi much time and requires BO much mom .illy 

entitled to allow it. nothing can be Baid PThen ex 

travagant fashions are indulged u id ;'t 

any COSt and under any circumstances — the critic is quite jus; 

in his strictures, howevi t«> bo in 



THE LADY'S TOILET. 161 

need not be cosily ; and no woman of right feeling will adorn her 
person at the expense of her husband's comfort or her children's 
education. 

"As a work of art, a well-dressed woman is a study." Her 
toilet will be as blen soignee and as well chosen at the family 
breakfast- table as at a ball. If she loves bright colors and can wear 
them with impunity, they will be as harmoniously arranged as the 
artist arranges his colors on the palette. If she is young, her 
dress will be youthful ; if she is old, it will not affect simplicity. 
She will always follow rather than lead the prevailing fashion, and 
rather follow her own fashion than violate good taste or common 
sense. 

The golden rule in dress is to avoid extremes. Do not be so 
original in your dress as to be peculiar ; and do not affect fashions 
that are radically unbecoming to you. Ladies that are neither 
very young nor very striking in appearance cannot do better than 
wear quiet colors. Ladies who are not rich can always appear 
well dressed, with a little care in the choice and arrangement of 
the materials. Whatever the texture of the dress, it should be 
made by the very best dressmaker you can afford. As well go to 
a third or fourth-rate dentist, music-master, or doctor, as go to a 
third or fourth-rate dressmaker. The dressmaker is a woman's 
good or evil genius. 

Morning dress should be faultless in its way. For young ladies, 
married or unmarried, nothing is prettier in summer than white or 
very light morning dresses of washing materials. Light dresses 
must be exquisitely fresh and clean, ribbons fresh, collars and 
cuffs irreproachable. All stuffs are to be rigidly eschewed except 
those of the very finest kind. Morning dress for elderly ladies of 
wealth and position should be of dark silk. Jewelry, hair orna- 
ments, and light silk dresses are not permissible for morning wear. 

Walking dress should always be quiet. Rich walking dress at- 
tracts attention, which in the street is not desirable. For the car- 
riage, a lady may dress as elegantly as she pleases. 

Elderly ladies should always dress richly. Any thin old lady 
may wear delicate colors, whilst a stout, florid person looks best in 
dark or gray. For young as well .as old, the question of color 
must, however, be determined by complexion and figure. Rich 
colors harmonize with rich brunette complexions and dark hair ; 



li;_> ////•/ LADT*a TOJl I 

delicate color 
of beauty. 

Pot ball drosses, Light and diaphanou mrn; silk 

dresses are not suitable for dancing. I ckand 

violet, <>r white, are worn in mourning; lmt belies in do**]) mourn- 
ing Bhonld not go to balls at nil. They must w and their 
dark dresses look <»nt of place in a mbly. 

At dinner parties, unle nail, friendly kind, only tin' full- 

est dress is appropriate Demi toilette en, be 
monious dinners, and even high drei inffi- 

cienUy rich, it Ks bettor to wear real ;' • large dinner 

parties, but artificial ones at balls; since the former would drop 

and tall to pieces With the heat and the dancing. 

Much jewelry is out of place for young ladies at any time; and, 
indeed, there is as much propriety t<> be observed i 
of jewelry as in the wearing of dresses. Diamonds, pearls, rul 

and all transparent precious stones belong to evening dress, and 

should never be worn before dinner. In the niornii . 

should be of the simplest kind, and one's jewelry lim 

brooch, gold chain, and watch. Diamonds and pearl much 

out of place during the morning as a low dress or a wreath. 

It is well to remember in the choice of jewelry that mere cOStlfa 
is not always the test of value; and that an exquisite work of art, 
such as a fine intaglio or cameo, or a natuit ach a- a black 

pearl, is a possession more distingui than a large brilliant which 
any one who has money enough can buy as well as yourself, ftf 
all precious stones, the opal is the most lovely and common] 1 
No merely vulvar woman purchases an opal. 

Gloves, shoes, and boots must always be faultless. GH I 
not be too light for the carriage, or too dark for tl. A 

woman with ill-fitting gloves cannot be said to be w.ll 
while to wear soiled ones at your frier I is to show her that 

you think lightly of herself and her company. 

It may be remarked, by the way, that perfumes should 
only in the evening, and with the strictest n 
to be tolerable, must be of th<' up ' 

of a sensitive temperament . would be made ill by the sine!! 
mud; or patchouli 

Finally, let every lady remember Dr. 



THE GENTLEMAN'S TOILET. 163 

lady's dress : " I am sure she was well dressed," said the Doctor ; 
for I cannot remember what she had on." 



THE GENTLEMAN'S TOILET. 

It has been aptly said that "the bath deserves an Order." The 
first requisite of a gentleman's toilet is undoubtedly the bath, 
which should be as bracing as the constitution will allow, and used 
morning and evening in summer, and every day in winter. Coun- 
try gentlemen, who live much in the open air, and take plenty of 
exercise, have no excuse for shirking the cold shower-bath ; but 
denizens of cities, and men who are obliged to lead very sedentary 
lives, cannot indulge with equal safety in this luxury, and must 
never continue it in the teeth of reason and experience. Only 
physiques of finest quality can endure, much more benefit by, a 
cold-water shock all the year round ; and though physique is al- 
ways improvable, great reformation must not be attempted rashly. 
Let the bath of from sixty to seventy degrees be freely indulged 
in by the strong, and even by the less robust, in summer time ; 
but in winter a temperature varying from eighty-five to ninety-five 
degrees is the safest. The flesh-brush should be vigorously ap- 
plied to all parts of the body, after which the skin must be care- 
fully dried with Turkish or huck-a-back towels. It is well to re- 
main without clothing for some little time after bathing. Nothing 
is so healthy as exposure of the body to air and sun ; a French 
physician has recommended the sun-bath as a desirable hygienic 
practice. A bath in fresh water should always be taken after a 
sea-dip. 

The next thing to be done is to clean the teeth. This should be 
done with a good hard tooth-brush at least twice a day. Smokers 
should rinse the mouth immediately after smoking, and should be 
careful to keep the teeth scrupulously clean. The nails should 
also be kept exquisitely clean and short. Long nails are are an 
abomination. 

Our advice to those who shave is, like Punch 's advice to those 



l»;i THE GXA VIA M i.v 8 IWi 

about to marry--- Don't.* 1 But it must by D under- 

stood that mi I b l eard to 

trouble. The beard Bhould be carefully and frequently wi 
well trimmed, and well combed, and the hair and whiskers kept 
[ * scrupulously clean by the help of clean, stiff hair-brushes, and 
Boap and warm water. The style eard shou 

to the form of tin* face; but any affectation in the cut <»f the beard 
and whiskers is very objectionable, ami augurs unmitigated i 
in the wearer. Leu:; hair is never Indulged in except bj 
and tiddlers. The moustache should be worn neat, and not over- 
large. 
Beau BrummeH spent two hours in dressing; but a gentles 

can perform all the duties of his toilet to perfection in LeM than 
half that time. 

A great French writer has said, with as much 

ophy, that the artist and man of letters needs only a hi 

and the absence of all pretension, to place him on the level of tho 

best society. It must be observed, however, that this remark ap- 
plies only to the intellectual workers, who, if they do occasionally 
commit a minor solecism in dress and manners, are for) 
account of their feme and talents. It is not enough that a man 
should be clever, or well educated, or well born, t<> take his | 
in society ; he must be acquainted with all that this chaj 
Indeed, this little volume throughout, professes to teach. 

A gentleman Bhould always be so well dressed that 1. 
shall never be remarked at all. Does this Bound like an enigi 
It is not meant for one. It only implies that pe uplicity is 

perfect elegance, and that the true test of dress in the toilet of a 
gentleman is its entire harmony, unobtrusiveness, and becoming- 
S, Displays should be avoided. Let a sensible man leave the 
graces and luxuries of dress to his wife, daughters 
and not seek distinction in the trinkets on his watch-chain, or the 
pattern of his waistcoat. To be too much in the fashion is as vul- 
gar as to be too far behind it. No really well-bred man follows 
every new c .' he S «S in Lis tailor's fashion-book. I 

young men i e guilty i A this folly. 

A man who- appropriate, neat, and i 

look like a gentleman; but Lo dress appropriately, one must I 

a varied wardrobe. This should not, on the | 



THE GENTLEMAN'S TOILET, 165 

than a tenth part of his income. No man can afford more than a 
tenth of his income for dress. 

The author of Felham has aptly said that " a gentleman's coat 
should not fit too well." There is great truth and subtlety in this 
observation. To be fitted too well is to look like a tailor's dummy. 

In the morning, wear a frock coat, and trousers of light or dark 
color, as befits the season. When in the country or at the sea- 
side, gray or shooting costumes are best. 

In the evening, though you spend it alone with your family, 
wear a black dress suit ; and if you have sons, bring them up to do 
the same. 

It is the observance of these trifles in domestic etiquette that 
marks the true gentleman. For evening parties, dinner parties, 
and balls wear a black dress coat, black trousers, black silk or 
cloth waistcoat, thin patent-leather boots, a white cravat, and 
white kid gloves. Abjure all fopperies, such as white silk linings, 
silk collars, etc. ; above all, the shirt-front should be plain. At 
small, unceremonious parties, gloves are not necessary ; but, when 
worn, they should be new and fit well. Economy in gloves is an 
insult to society. A man's jewelry should be of the best and sim- 
plest description. False jewelry, like every other form of false- 
hood and pretence, is unmitigated vulgarity. 

Elaborate studs and sleeve-links are all foppish and vulgar. A 
set of good studs, a gold watch and guard, and one handsome 
ring, are as many ornaments as a gentleman can wear with pro- 
priety. For a ring, the man of fine taste would prefer a precious 
antique intaglio to the handsomest diamond or ruby that could be 
bought. The most elegant gentleman with whom the author was 
ever acquainted — a man familiar with all the courts of Europe — 
never wore any other shirt-studs in full dress than three valuable 
black pearls, each about the size of a pea, and by no means beau- 
ful to look upon. 

Lastly, a man's jewelry should always have some use, and not, 
like a lady's, be worn for ornament only. 

Colored shirts may be worn in the morning ; but they should be 
small in pattern and quiet in color. Fancy cloths of conspicuous 
patterns are exceedingly objectionable. With a colored flannel 
shirt always wear a white collar and wristbands. The hat should 
always be black ; and caps and straw-hats are only admissible in 
summer. 



if q they should be of the heal and 

li htesf make and mounted in L r <'l«l. or blue steel For weak 

hi blue or smoke-colored lI.i green glasses 

letestaMe. 
\ gentleman should m pen Id the 

sted or cotton gloves are not permissible. A man's dothefl 
shouli I always be well brushed, and never threadbare or shabby. 
No gentleman can afford to wear shabby clothes* 
Por the country, or the foreign tour, a gentleman. will select a 
ime of some light woolen material, flat thick b 

and everything to correspond. Dandyism is never more out of 
! than on the glacier, or among the Nor\\< BSOSJ fish- 

eries. 

There are three things one should consult in the matter of d 

If one would always appear like a gentleman — viz.. i 
fort, and society. If there is one thing in this world about which 
we can entertain any degree of moral certainty, it is that we must 
pay our tailor's hills. If. therefore, our means are disproportionate 

to our wants, we must remember the old proverb, M Cut your i 

according to your cloth, 1 ' and dress as well as yon possihly can 
upon little money. 



MISCELLANEOUS ; 

OR, 

ONE HUNDRED UNCLASSIFIED LAWS OF ETIQUETTE. 

1. A okntlkman must always hand a lady a chair, open the 
door 1'oj" her to pass in or out, remove anything that may be in her 
way, and pick op anything she may drop, even if she is an entire 
stranger to him. 

•J. A gentleman or lady will never look 01 ouldar of an- 

other who is either reading or writing. 

3. No gentleman or lady will ever he guilty of personality in 
conversation. No wit. how. hu- 

morous, can make personal • > 1 1 T: 1 1 _ r hut rude and to] 



MIS CELL A NEO US. 167 

4. A gentleman, in passing a lady where he must stand aside to 
give her space, must always remove his hat, and incline his head 
slightly. 

5. A lady, in such a case, must always acknowledge the courtesy 
by a slight bow. 

6. Exaggeration trespasses so closely upon falsehood that it is 
not safe to trust it. To adhere strictly to truth can never lead 
into error. 

7. Conceit is the vice or folly of the shallow-minded ; so if you 
would not be thought so, avoid boasting or affectations of any 
kind. The truly wise man is modest, and the braggart and cox- 
comb are valued but little. 

8. It is unladylike to stand with arms a-kimbo or folded. 

9. It is a mark of low breeding to fidget either with the hands 
or feet; to play with the watch-chain, toss the gloves, suck the 
head of a cane or handle of a parasol, or to fuss with a collar or 
necktie. Nothing is a more certain sign of gentle breeding than 
quiet ease without stiffness or fidgetting. 

10. To swing the foot, or tap monotonously with the feet, to 
drum with the fingers on a table or window, are all breaches of 
etiquette. 

11. It is ill-bred to speak of persons with whom you are but 
slightly acquainted by their first name. 

12. No true lady will ever allow herself to speak of a gentleman 
by his surname without a prefix. To hear a lady talking of 
Holmes or Warren, instead of Mr. Holmes or Dr. Warren, gives 
the impression that she is low-bred. 

13. No gentleman will ever criticize a wine offered to him, 
no matter how poor it may be. We give an instance of un- 
daunted etiquette, which proves to what an extent a well-bred 
man may carry his courtesy : " In England, during the French 
Revolution, the Duke of Bedford invited the emigrant Due de 
Grammont to a splendid dinner, one of those magnificent enter- 
tainments which Englishmen pride themselves on giving to crowned 
heads, and their good feeling prompts them to offer to exiles. 
During dessert, a bottle of Constantia was produced, which for age 
and flavor was supposed to be matchless. It was liquid gold in 
a crystal flagon — a ray of the sun descending into a goblet ; it was 
nectar which was worthy of Jove, and in which Bacchus would 



L68 

have r. Matted. The noble bead of the b tassel himself 

helped hi i i glass of ti. and de fluimmi, 

on tasting it. declared it to be excell ford, 

Dm to Judge of its qnalitj fees, which do 

sooner approached hifl Lips than, with a horrible contortion, he ex- 
claimed : ' Why. what on earth ifl bed, 
t-M»k the bottle and applied it to his nostrils, and, to the dismay of 
nil master, pronounced it to be castor-oiL D 
moot had iwaDowed this horrid draught without win. 

11. Flattery hi a breach of etiquette. Joh Of all 

will beasts, preserve me from a tyrant; and of all tame, a flat- 
terer.'' 

15. No gentleman may ever break an engagement, whether it be 
of business or pl o asmo , with a lady, or with an ntle- 

man. If not Mossed with a retentive memor] I carry a 

note-book and record therein all his appointments, gua 
frequent reference, against making two for the same day and lmur. 
To break an engagement With a lady is almost certain to give bet- 
ing offence, and with L r, »«>d cause. 

10. Irritability is a breach of good manners. Wai; To 

bo angry about tritles is mean and childish ; to rage and be furi- 
ous is brutish; and t<> maintain perpetual wrath is akin t<> the 
practice and temper of fiends ; but te prevent and suppn 
ktnenl is wise and glorious, is manly and divine." 

17. Nothing marks a gentleman more truly than a strict punctu- 
ality. To keep another waiting is a breach of etiquette, as well 

SO a positive unkindness. 

18. " Fine feathers make line birds/' the old proverb tells us; 
but no amount of fine dressing will ever make a lady. True polite- 

gentle courtesy and relinement may be as marked in a lady 
Wearing a calico dress and a sun-bonnet as in one in full g 
dress. Mrs. Thorpe, the celebrated EnLdish authoress, tells of an 
interview with Mrs. Washington, tlian whom no more perfect lady, 
in the true acceptance of the term, ever lived. She sa 
Mrs. Washington was said to be bo i:* ami a lady, we thought we 
must put on our best bibs and bands; so we dressed or. 
our most elegant ruth- I id were introduced to her 

ladyship: and don't you think we found her knitting, and with her 
check apron on! She received us pnyfrmck esljp; but 



MISCELLANEOUS. 169 

after the compliments were over, she resumed her knitting. There 
we were without a stitch of work, and sitting in state ; but Gen- 
eral Washington's lady, with her own hands, was knitting stock- 
ings for her husband. 1 ' 

19. To answer a civil question rudely, or even impatiently, is a 
gross breach of etiquette. Even if it inconveniences you or in- 
terrupts you, it will take no longer to answer kindly or politely 
than to wound or offend by crustiness. 

20. No gentleman may ever refuse an apology. No matter how 
great the offence, how deep the resentment, an apology can never 
be rejected. It may not again revive friendship ; but it must pre- 
vent quarrelling, 

21. It is a breach of etiquette to intrude upon a business man 
during business hours. 

22. An invalid, an elderly person, or a lady must be given the 
most comfortable chair in the room, must be allowed to select the 
light and temperature, and no true lady or gentlemen will ever ob- 
ject to the exercise of the privilege. 

23. It is a breach of etiquette, as well as an impertinence, ever 
to question a child or a servant upon family affairs. 

24. It is a breach of etiquette to examine a card-basket. It is 
true they are generally exposed in the drawing-room ; but no true 
lady or gentleman will ever turn them over. 

25. It is a breach of etiquette to consult a watch when in com- 
pany. To do so, and then take leave, is an absolute impertinence, 
as a pleasant circle may be broken at an early hour, under the im- 
pression that " it must be late ; Mr. C hurried away so, when 

he saw what time it was." 

26. It is a breach of etiquette when in company to try to attract 
the attention of one person by signals, a cough, a poke, or a 
nudge. Any appearance, indeed, of privacy or mystery is rude in 
company. 

27. It is a breach of etiquette to assume a lazy, lounging atti- 
tude in company. If any one is too weak or too ill to sit up and 
assume a proper position, he had better stay at home imtil he is 
stronger or in better health. 

28. Mysterious allusions are rude. 

29. It is a breach of etiquette, in general conversation, to refer 
to incidents known to only one of the company, thus forcing a 



170 UlSCELLA 

spa 1 withdrawing unwilling partner 

from the | .• tiety. 

80. Cards of oeremony must l>o ai ther by a call, a 

| return card, Within a week after their reception. 

')] . New-Year 1 ! calls must be made in person* It ii a breach of 
eslqpette kp send a card, unless prevented l>y ill . calling. 

:;_!. Never rise to take leave in the midst of an interesting con- 
versation ; wait until there is a pause, and then withdraw, with as 
little distarbanc ible« 

If jroq ate calling, and another person enters, never offer 
the chair assigned you by the lady of the house; it is her privU 
to decide where to place her guests, and an impertn. VOUT 

past to UMirp her place. 

34. A gentleman will never talk of his business affairs to a lady, 
nor a lady weary her gentlemen friends by an account of her do- 
mestic affairs. 

35. The only gifts that may be offered or accepted between ladies 
and gentlemen who are not related or engaged are books, flowers, 
music, or confectionery. A lady who accepts costly presents of 
jewelry puts herself under an obligation that she may find trouble- 
some, and no true gentleman will expose a lady to the pain of re- 
fusing an improper gift of this kind. 

3G. In entering a room fdled with people, it is etiquette t<» bow 
Blightly, as a general salutation, before speaking to each of those 
assesabled. 

37. It is etiquette, before taking a place at table, to say " Good- 
morning," or " Good-evening," to those in the room before j 
and especially to those who preside over the meal. 

38. It is a breach of etiquette to go into company with the 
breath tainted by eating onions, garlic, cheese, or any other strong- 
scented food. 

30. It is a breach of etiquette for a gentleman to enter a lady's 
presence smelling of tobacco or wine. 

40. It is a breach of etiquette to send a present hoping for an- 
other. 

41, It is a breach of etiquette ever to refer i you have 
made, a favor you have granted, or an obligation of any kind un- 
der which another lies with regard to y<m. 

1-. It is a breach of etiquette, and Bhoi 



MISCELLANEOUS. 171 

delicacy, to return a gift very soon. An obligation of that kind, 
if accepted at all, must not be thrust back at once in the donor's 
face. 

43. It is a breach of etiquette for a husband or wife to speak of 
each other by their initial letter. When you hear a lady saying, 
" B., gave me this," or a gentleman saying, " I always refer such 
matters to Mrs. P.," you may rest assured, whatever their social 
station, they are low-bred. 

44. " Civility," says Lord Chesterfield, " is particularly due to 
all women ; and remember that no provocation whatsoever can 
justify any man in not being civil to every woman ; and the great- 
est man would justly be reckoned a brute if he were not civil to 
the meanest woman. It is due to their sex, and is the only protec- 
tion they have against the superior strength of ours." 

45. Too great familiarity towards a new acquaintance is a breach 
of etiquette. You are less likely to offend by being too ceremo- 
nious. 

46. To notice, by look or word, any deformity, any scar or mis- 
fortune to the face or figure of a friend, is not only a breach of 
etiquette of the grossest kind, but is a want of humanity and good 
feeling as well. 

47. It is a breach of etiquette, when offering a gift, to represent 
it as valueless, or useless to yourself. " If you do not have it, the 
pigs will," is a homely old proverb in such cases, not acceptable in 
polite society. 

48. It is a breach of etiquette to laugh at your own wit. If 
others will not do that for you, you had better let your remark 
pass unnoticed. 

49. It is a breach of etiquette to lean heavily upon a table ; and 
also to tip a chair to and fro when you are talking ; and you will 
be justly punished if you find yourself sprawling on the floor 
with the chair on top of you. 

50. It is a breach of etiquette to write your own remarks in a 
borrowed book. 

51. Scolding is ill-bred. 

52. It is a breach of etiquette for a gentleman to keep his hat 
on when handing a lady to a carriage. 

53. The man who will insult his inferiors is a boor at heart, 



172 MJ8CB1 ! 

bowe bed he may appear an* r however 

deferential t<> his super;. 

54. it is ■ breach of etiquette to display any bashfulness in 
oo m pa p y. Lord Chesterfield saj i<»r tho hwmwi« /^/»/f, I 
hope you are above it. Your figure h Like other people's; I sup- 

pOSe yOU Wffl care that your dress shall be so loo, and to avoid 
any singularity. What, then, should you be ashamed of] And 
why not go into a mixed company with as much | as little 

OOncern as you would go into your own room? Vice and igno- 
rance are (he only things I know which one ought to bo anhnrnnd 
of; keep clear of them, and you may go anywhere without fear or 
concern. 1 have known some people who, from feeling the pain and 
inconvenience of this mmnmiu /«,>t<<\ have rushed into the other ex- 
treme, and turned impudent, as cowards sometimes grow desperate 
from the excess of danger; but this, too, is carefully to be avoid- 
ed, there being nothing more generally shocking than impudence. 
The medium between the two extremes marks out the well-bred 
man; he feels himself firm and easy in all compani< "dest 

without being bashful, and steady without being impudent ; if he 
is a stranger, he observes with care the manners and ways of the 
people most esteemed at that place, and conforms to them with 
complaisance." 

55. It is a breach of etiquette to wear an air of abstraction in 
society. If your mind is really so absorbed that you cannot pay 
attention to what is going on around you, you had better stay at 
home. An absent mind is much more frequently a proof of self- 
conceit than of genius. 

56. Eccentricity of any kind is in bad taste. 

57. To imitate the manners, voice, attitude, or gestures of sreat 
men were a folly almost too absurd to mention if it were not so 
common. Many persons, from a real or fancied personal resem- 
blance to some celebrity, will ape their manners also, as if mere 
appearance would make them equally distinguished. 

58. It is wiser, if you have met with reverses, to withdraw your- 
self from society than to have society withdraw from you. 

50. It is a breach of etiquette to assume pedantic airs ; to talk 
of the Latin and Greek authors, and quote in those langvaj 

90. It is a breach <>f etiquette to make a quotation in a foreign 
language and then translate It, thereby giving your Listeners to 



MISCELLANEOUS. 173 

understand that you do not consider them as well informed as 
yourself. 

61. Shakespeare says : 

* To thine own self be true, 
And it must follow, as the night the day, 
Thou canst not then be false to any man," 

62. It is a gross breach of etiquette to contradict any one. 

63. The man who would suffer himself to speak a word against 
a woman, or to rail at women generally, deserves a rebuke recent- 
ly given to a coxcomb at an English dinner-party, who was checked 
in his loud abuse of the sex by one of the company, who said : "I 
hope it is the gentleman's own mother and sisters who are referred 
to, and not ours." 

64. If you try to make yourself appear more important than 
you really are, you run the risk of being considered less so. 

65. Marston says : " I, me, and mine, should be bowed out of 
genteel circles. Egotism adorns no one." 

66. It is a breach of etiquette to offer a partner in dancing an 
ungloved hand. 

67. Spitting. is as vulgar as it is disgusting. 

68. " The scholar, without good breeding, is a pedant j the phil- 
osopher, a cynic ; the soldier, a brute ; and every man disagree- 
able," says Chesterfield. 

69. It is a gross breach of etiquette to betray an implied or in- 
voluntary confidence, even if you have not been bound to secresy. 

70. Bishop Beveridge says : " Never speak of a man's virtues 
before his face, nor of his faults behind his back." 

71. " In private, watch your thoughts ; in your family, watch 
your temper ; in society, watch your tongue." 

72. " To arrive at the heart of true courtesy," says a modern 
writer, " separate the old English titles for the well-bred ; they 
were the gentle-msM and ^«&-woman." 

73. It is better to live alone than in low company. If you can- 
not keep good company, keep none. 

74. Sterne thus defines courtship : " True courtship consists in 
a number of quiet, gentlemanly attentions ; not so pointed as to 
alarm, not so vague as to be misunderstood." 

75. It is a breach of etiquette to enter a room noisily, slamming 
the door, or stamping heavily upon the .floor. 



1 71 

it li ■ breach of etiquette to mi I or ibnq 

meots. 

77. li li a bread) of etiquette to your 

friends. • Visiting," says • French mriter, " formi the chord 
which bindi society together, and the 

kimt severed, society frould perls] 

it is i breach of etiquette to seled the n ate irheo walking 
with a lady, unless she lias reques te d you I 

7'.'. It is ill-bred t<> refuse the Is its or dial 

it i> offered to you, as it frnpliff a (ear that then the 

pantry. 

mi. It is a breach of etiquette to undertake any commission for 
a friend and oeglecl t>» perform 't. Forget/ to excuse. 

81. It is a breach of etiquette to answer a serious remark I 
flippant one. 

82. PracticaJ joking is a breach of etiquette that cann< I 
severely censured. 

88. It is a breach of etiquette to read when there is a 
person present. In the family circle, a member who opens a 

should apologize for and explain his apparent rudeness, if oh] 
to study or refer to the Yulume. 

84. It is a breach of etiquette to yawn. 

86. It is a breach of etiquette to blow the no-" loudly. 

86. It is a breach of etiquette t«> Mick the teeth. 

v 7. It is a breach of etiquette to pick the teeth or clean 
nails in company. 

88. It is a breach of etiquette to speak much of your own per- 
formances. 

80. It is a gross breach of etiquette to pass betwee: 
who are conversing together. 

90. It is a breach of etiquette to p anybody, 

tually necessary, it must be done with an apology. 

81. It is s breach of etiquette to urge wine upon a guest who 
has already declined to drink. 

( .»li. It is a breach of etiquette to write a I lion 

upon mourning pa] ituaDy usi 

. It is a hi 
Christian name 

94. If you i 

queue to emit to enclof ply. 



MISCELLANEOUS. 175 

95. Ladies should avoid the use of strong perfumes. They are 
unpleasant to nauseating to some persons ; and it is a breach of 
etiquette to annoy other people. 

96. It is a breach of etiquette to lend a borrowed book, unless 
you have the special permission of the owner to do so. 

97. It is a breach of etiquette, as well as a most dangerous ex- 
periment, to recommend remedies to an invalid who is under the 
care of a physician. 

98. A lady commits a breach of etiquette that amounts to a 
gross impropriety by calling upon a gentleman, excepting upon 
business, at his place of business. Even relatives, unless in the 
immediate family, cannot receive calls from ladies at home. 

99. Gentlemen should never stand upon the hearthrug with their 
backs to the fire, either in a friend's house or their own. 

100. Forgetfulness is a breach of etiquette. It is impossible to 
be polite without cultivating a good memory. The absent or self- 
absorbed person who forgets the names of his next-door neighbors, 
recalls unlucky topics, confuses the personal relationships of his 
personal friends, speaks of the dead as if they were still living, 
talks of people in their hearing, and commits a hundred such 
blunders without any malevolent intention, is sure to make ene- 
mies for himself, and to wound the feelings of others. Careless- 
ness, carried to a certain pitch, becomes unchristian. " It is not 
well," says an old proverb, " to talk of the gallows to a man whose 
father was hanged." Some persons are so notoriously absent or 
forgetful, that their friends will say of them : " We must not tell 

B ; he is certain to tread on somebody's corns. We must ask 

him some evening when we are alone." 



DICK & FITZGERALD, 

PUBLISHEES, NEW YOEK. 



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to be observed when visiting or receiving calls; deportment in I 
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m 

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Amateur Theatricals and Fairy-Tale Dramas. A collection 

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Parlor Tricks with Cards. Containing explanations of 

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Chesterfield's Letter-writer and Complete Book of Eti- 
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?rank Converse's Complete Banjo Instructor. Without a 

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The Magician's Own Book. Containing several hundred 

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North's Book of Love Letters. With Directions how to 

write and when to use them, and 120 specimen Letters, suitable for Lovers 
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book of valuable information and counsel for the use of those who need 
friendly guidance and advice in matters of Love, Courtship and Marriage. 
By Ingoldsby North. This book is recommended to all who are from any 
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and how to end his letter, and how to judge of those nice shades of expres- 
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misunderstanding. All who wish not only to copy a love letter, but to learn 
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a ation, and i 

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commands a large sale on account of its real merit. It is crammed full of 
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Maraclie's Manual Of Chess- Containing a description of 
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Observations on the Pieces, Preliminary Games for Beginners, Fifty Open- 
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best games and copious notes. Twenty Endings of Games, showing easiest 
ways of effecting Checkmate. Thirty-six ingenious Diagram Problems, 
and Sixteen curious Chess Stratagems. To which is added a Treatise on 
the Games of Backgammon, Russian Backgammon and Dominoes, the 
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Martine's Sensible Letter Writer ; Being a comprehensive 

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simplest matters of life, adapted to all ages and conditions, 

EMBRACING, 



Letters of Courtesy , Friendship and 
Affection ; 

Letters of Condolence and Sympathy ; 

A Choice Collection of Love Letters, for 
Every Situation in a Courtship ; 

Notes of Ceremony, Familiar Invita- 
tions, etc., together with Notes of Ac- 
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Business Letters ; 

Applications for Employment, with 

Letters of Recommendation, and An- J 

swers to Advertisements : 
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monstrance ; 
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and Friendly Favors ; 
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with illuminated cover and cloth back, 207 pages. Price 50 cts. 

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The Perfect Gentleman. A book of Etiquette and Elo- 
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American Code of Etiquette and Politene?s for ail occasions. Model 
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1 » . 1 1 1 ( • 1 1 1 LT . 

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The Modern Pocket Hoyle. Containing all the Games of 

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44 authority on .til disputed points." By " Turiiis." This valuable manual 

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Richardson's Monitor of Free-Masonry. A Complete 

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A. II. A book of 185 pas 

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Rarey and Knowlson's Complete Horse-tamer and Far- 
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Harness ami I he Milky, v ith Rules ; 
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iescriptive Ki 
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Barton's Comio Becitations and Humorous Dialogues. 

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The Secret Out ; or, One Thousand Tricks with Cards, and 

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Duncans Masonic Ritual and Monitor ; tfie 

< And *o i ii 

er, and the Royal Arm. Bj M u 
copious Notes and d 
It u ool bo much the design o1 the auth< 
uninitiated, as to furnish a Guide to the 1 
i>> means ol which theiz progress from gi 
It is a well-known fact thai com para tivelj 
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Lod omitted in it that m 

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Whist, Buchre, Benqne, Cribbage, Ail-Fours, Loo, I 
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anoe of a number ot' gentlemen players of skill and ability, an 

re-hash of English Games, but a live American book, expressrj 

for American renders. Turn Amrbioah Hoyle contains .vj.) p i_m-. i- j.i . 

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Live and Learn. A Guide for all who wish to Speak and 
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The Poet's Companion ; A Dictionary of all Allowable Rhymes 

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Ladies' Guide to Crochet. By Mrs. Ann S. Stephens. 

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Chips from Uncle Sam's Jack Knife. Illustrated with 

over one hundred Comical Engravings, and comprising a collection of over 
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Pox's Ethiopian Comicalities. Containing; Strange Say- 
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A 

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At 
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Harp of a Thousand Strings ; or, L 

A Urge book of nearly 400 pages. By the ai 
Carpet-bag of Fun. Ekrand in a hai 

than a million laughs, and crowded full 

iUustrafe d \> it :. ■ 

ete. Price $1 50 

The Dictionary of Love. 

the l in Cbnrl 

tioi 

otl. . 

12mo., cloth, gilt side and Si 50 






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Martine's Letter-writer and Etiquette Combined. For the 

use of Ladies and Gentlemen. 12mo., cloth, gilt side and back. A great 
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300 sensible letters and notes suitable to every occasion in life, and is prob- 
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begin a love correspondence, this is just the book they want. This volume 
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Horse-taming by a New Method. As Practised by J. S. 

Rarey. A New and Improved Edition, containing Mr. Rarey's whole Se- 
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Plan of Managing Young Colts, and Breaking them to the Saddle, to 
Harness and the Sulky, with ten Engravings illustrating the process. 
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Knowlson's Farrier, and Complete Horse Doctor. We have 

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The Art Of Conversation. With remarks on Fashion and 
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Charley White's Joke Book. Being a perfect Casket of 

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expose of all the most laughable Jokes, Witticisms, etc., as told by the 
celebrated Ethiopian Comedian, Charl.es White. 94 pages. 
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Black Wit and Darkey Conversations. By Charles 

White. Containing a large collection of laughable Anecdotes, Jokes, 

Stories, Witticisms, and Darkey Conversations. 

Price 12 cts 3 

The Nightingale Songster ; or, Lyrics of Lave. Containing 
164 Choice Sentimental Songs. Bound in boards, "with cloth back, and 
illustrated cover. Price. 50 CtS. 

The Emerald ; or, Boole of Irish Melodies. Containing a 
Choice Collection of Irish, Comic, and Sentimental Songs. 
Bound in boards, cloth back, and illustrated cover. Price .50 titfc 



Popular Books sent Free of Postage at tho Prices annexed. 
The Book of 1,000 Comical Storie3 ; or, 

day in thi 

Of Humor. An- 

Pi skin r -, Quibbles and Qnerii 
f-rr.tui-, etc. Appro p riately 111 

of " Bin. J I un." 

.:ao., cloth. Pike m Si 50 

Jirs. Partington's Carpet-baof of Fun. A collection of 

over one thousand of the moat Comii 

splitting Joke*. Cheek-extending Poetry, Funny Conundrums, w' 

BAYING* OF MR8. PARI [NGTON, J! 

'1 he whole illustrated by b 

12m< th, gilt Price $1 25 

Ornamented | 75 cts. 

How to Behave; or, The Spirit oj A Complete 

Guide to Polite Bocicty, for T.a'li' s and Gentlemen; containing rati 
good beharior at the dinner table, in the parlor, and in the ftiaeet; with 

important hints on introduction, conversation, i 

Trice 12 cts. 

Dr. Valentine's Comic Metamorphoses. Being the second 

series of Dr. Valentine's I. eel ores, with Chan 
Yankee Hill. Embellished with numerous port i 

Ornamental paper cover. Trice 75 eta. 

Cloth, gilt SI 25 

Broad Grins of the Laughing Philosopher. Being a Col- 
lection of Funny Jokes, Droll Incidents, and Ludicroui fly 
1'icklk thk Younger. This book is really a good one. It is full ot the 
drollest incidents imaginable, i: with good jokes, quaint savings, 
and funny pictures. Trice 13 cts 

The Knapsack Full of Fun ; or, One Tfo 

Laughter. Illustrated with over .'><>0 comical ElUrraTinga, ;i nd containing 

over one thousand Jokes and Funny Btories. By I 

-witty writers. Large quarto. Price.. 30 cts. 

The Plate of Chowder; A D'ish for Funny FJlmc*. Appro- 
priately illustrated with 100 Comic Engravings. By the author ot M J 
Partington's Carpet-bag of Fun." 
12mo., paper cover. Trice 25 Ct& 

How to Talk and Debate; or, Fluency of Sjxcch . 

wWunU the Sacrifice of Elegance and Si MS. 

Trice '. \ 12 cts* 

How to Dress with Taste. Containing Hints on tlio har- 
mony of colors, the theory of contrast, the complexion, shape or height. 
Trice ." 12 cts- 

How to Cut and Contrive Children's Clothes at a Small 

Cost. With numerous and explanatory en Trice 12 ctS- 

The Youno: Housekeeper's Book ; or. Bom to ILiv< a > 

Living upon a Small Income. Trice 12 CtS, 

The Chairman and Speaker's Guide ; or, Rule* for the Or* 

tkrly Coruluct ft/ ruhliQ Meeting, Trice.,.,,,,,, 12 ctf 



Popular Books sent Free of Postage at the Prices annexed. 
Day's American Ready-Reckoner. Containing Tables for 

rapid calculation of aggregate values, wages, salaries, board, interest 
money, etc. Also, tables of timber, plank, board and log measurements, 
with full explanations how to measure them, either by the square foot, 
(board measure), or cubic foot, (timber measure.) All the tables are origi- 
nal and reliable. 

Bound in boards. Price 50 cts. 

Bound in cloth, gilt side and back 75 Cts, 

Bound in leather tucks (pocket-book style) SI 00 

Brisbane's Golden Ready-Reckoner ; or, Lightning Calcula- 
tor. A valuable assistant to Farmers, Traders and Housekeepers, in buy- 
ing or selling all kinds of commodities. 
Bound in boards, cloth back. Price , 35 Cts. 

-rost's Original Letter-Writer. A complete collection of 

Original Letters and Notes, upon every imaginable subject of Every-Day 
Life, embracing 300 Letters and Notes. To which is added a Comprehensive 
Table of Synonyms. By S. A. Frost, author of " The Parlor Stage." 
202 pages, boards, cloth back, side in colors. Price 50 cts. 

North's Book of Love Letters. With directions how to 

write and when to use them, and 120 specimen Letters, suitable for Lovers 
of any age and condition, and under all circumstances. By Ingoldsby 

North. Bound in cloth. Price 75 cts. 

Bound in boards 50 cts. 

Hillgrove's Bali-Room Guide and Complete Dancing Mas- 
ter. With easy directions for calling out the figures of any dance. Illus- 
trated with 176 descriptive engravings and diagrams. By Thos. Hillgrove, 

Professor of Dancing. Bound in boards, cloth back. Price 75 cts. 

Bound in cloth, gilt sides SI 00 

The Young Reporter; or, Row to Write Short-Hand. A 
Complete Phonographic Teacher, intended as a School-Book, to afford thor- 
ough instructions to those who have not the assistance of an Oral Teacher. 
By the aid of this work, any person of most ordinary intelligence may learn 
to write Short-Hand, and report Speeches and Sermons, in a short time. 
Bound in boards, with cloth back. Price 50 cts* 

Martine's Sensible Letter-Writer. Containing 300 Sensi- 
ble Letters and Notes on the simplest matters of life, adapted to all ages 
and conditions. Model Letters on any subject may be found in this book. 
By Arthur Martine. 

207 pages. Bound in boards, cloth back. Price 50 cts. 

Cloth, gilt side and back 75 Cts. 

Martine's Hand-Book of Etiquette and Guide to True 

Politeness. A complete Manual for all those who desire to understand 
good breeding, the customs of good society, and to avoid incorrect and vul- 
gar habits. By Arthur Martine. 

Bound in boards, cloth back. Price 50 cts. 

Cloth, gilt side and back 75 Cts. 

Martine's Letter-Writer and Book of Etiquette Combined. 

Being both of the above books printed on fine paper and bound in one vol- 
ume. Cloth, gilt. Price .$1 50 

The Perfect Gentleman. A Book of American Etiquette. 
Containing Model Speeches for all occasions, with directions how to deliver 
them, Table Wit and Conversation, etc. 12mo., eloth. Price ........ $1 50 



Popular Books sent Free of Postage at the Prices annexed. 
Barton's Comic Recitations and Humorous Dialogues. 

Lining a variety oi Comic fa in Prose an 

in. n; i and Amateur Thea 

J 30c*s 

50 cts. 

Brudder Bones' Eook of Stump Speeches and Burlesque 

Orations. Also containing Humorous Lectui 
tationbcen trees and Bui lesqu< s. Laughable ! 

ic Recitations, io with Dutch, Irish, French ai 

Edited by John F. Bcott. Paper covers. Price 30 c*s. 

Bound in boards, illuminated 50 f .» / 

Wilson's Book of Recitations and Dialogues. With I 

struct ions in Elocution and Declamation. Containing a choi 

Poetical and Prose Recitations and Original CoUoqn 

Beading Book tor Classes, and as an Assistant I 

preparing Inhibitions. By Floyd J'.. Wilson, Professor ol El- i 

186 pages, Kimo., paper covers, price 

Bound in boards, clot h back 'O c ^ 

Spencer's Book of Comic Speeches and Humorou ^d 

tions A collection of Comic Speeches and Dialogues, Humorous P. 
Poetical Recitations, Laughable Dramatic Scenes and Burl 
centric. Characteristic Soliloquies and stones. Suitable tor 
lions and Evening Entertainments. Edited by Albert J. . 

192 pages, L8mo., paper covers. Price 

Bound in boards, cloth back 

Frost's Dialogues fcr Young Folks. A oolle* )! V 

inal Moral and Humorous Dialogues. Adapted to * 

Church Exhibitions, Family Gatherings, and Juveni 

s. A. Fkost, author of " The Parlor 6 •-••30 ct 

Bound in boards, cloth back, side in colors 50 cts 

Amateur Theatricals, and Fairy-Tale Dramas. A collec- 
tion of Original Plays, expressly designed for Drawing-room p* 1 
By S. A. E*B06T. This work is designed to E 
felt, of short and amusing pieces BUi1 limited itsf 

parlor. l(>mo., 188 pages, paper covers. Pi • . 30 Cts. 

Boards, cloth back .... 50 CtS- 

Parlor Theatricals; or, Winter Evenii 

collection of Dramatic Amusements and trated with 

cuts and diagrams. Paper covers. Price . ...30ats- 

Bound in boards, cloth back .... 50 CtS- 

The Parlor Stage. A collection 

verbs, Charades and Tableaux Vivan 

are intend. il Bolely tor performance by a nm ill | 

parlors, and require but little troul 

868 pages, smaii octavo, cloth, - SI 50 

Frost's Book of Tableaux. 

Vivants, with directions I 

and forming appro] 

Parlor Stage, "Amateur To those 

an Bl 1 . tins lxM.k * i 

Paper covers. Pitas • • -30 cts 

Bound in boords, cloth back 50 cts- 



>rth's 

nite r 
f ar 



e 



Good Hooks 

— 

FroetV Original Letter-Writer. MOHetonl Lettow "»< l 

Frostia Dialogues for Eoung Folks, :,o 

Spenoerii Book of Comic Speeches A: Bumorous Recitation* 

Norths Hook of Love Letters, wife AMet ou ComrUhli 50 

Price's Sdenoe of Self-Defense, l 26 

Brisbane^ Golden Beady-Reckoner, 36 

Le Marehand's Fortune Teller and Bream Book, -10 

The American Home Cook Book, .JO 

Rarey & Knowlson's Horse lamer and Farrier, 

Richardson's .Monitor of Freemasonry, 1 00 

Duncan's Ritual of Freemasonry, 2 50 

100 Gainuler^ I ricks with Cards Exposed, 30 

Live and Learn , or 1,000 >ii*take> Corrected 

Athletic Sports for Boys, 194 Fine ftgnriagi, 75 

The Play-Room; or In-Door (James for Bojl ami t.irK. 1<»7 IIIuhL, 50 

The Play-Ground; or Out-Door Games for Boys. 124 Illustrations. 50 

Book of Household Pets ; or How to Tain* and Manage Them 50 

Book of 500 Curious Puzzles, lso illustrations, 50 

Book of Fireside Games aud Home Recreations 50 

Book of Riddles and 500 Amusements, 50 

Parlor Tricks with Cards, to ITofHilifii 50 

The Parlor Magician. Full of Trick*. 1 2 1 Bagnwiupj 50 

Parlor Theatricals. A Collection of Drawiag-Btooi Plays, 50 

Mai fine's Sensible Letter- Writer, sou Notes aud Letters 50 

tm/s Hand-Book of Etiquette. A Good Book, 50 

- American Ready-Reckoner and People's ( al< viator 50 

W grove's Ball-Room Guide. Full of Explanatory IUiht ration*, 75 

l^e Young Reporter; or Hon to Write Short- Hand 50 

Spay th's Draughts or Checkers for Beginners, 75 

Marache's Manual of the Game of Chess, 50 

The American Card Player 50 

The Perfect Gentleman v.i American Uoo k ot KttojMtto 1 50 

The Poet\s Companion, v Mctioaary of Kir. m.** 25 

Chesterftsld's Etiquette and Letter- AVriter 40 

Pontaine's Golden Wheel Dream Book and Fortune-Teller, 40 

Courtship Mad.' Easy; or The Art of Making Love fully Explained. 13 

'"he \rts of Beauty. n> Fola Montez, 75 

dond oaah orders to dice * FITZbrEKALD, New York, 



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